Update and detachment

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Oct 2, 2014.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Hi all,

    Well my son has moved out of state to avoid a warrant for his arrest. He seems to be doing pretty well actually and I have been feeling at peace about it. He moved with his girlfriend ( a new one who seems reasonable) and they are living with a friend way far away from us. He has been in touch. He has some money from an inheritance which I have control over but have been giving him a bit at a time for expenses... it is his money and I dont want to give it to him all at once but I am stepping back and not controlling it either.

    So I have been feeling ok about all of it even though this whole thing is a crazy venture on his part. I have been hopeful because I thought he was sober and really wanting maybe to make a change for himself.

    And then he accidentally texted me some texts he intended for someone else!! And they were drug related. Darn!!!! He quickly apologized and I told him it did not make me feel confident.... at which point he did say they are drinking and smoking but not a lot and its ok. Well I dont feel ok about it of course...... but I have realized it is his life and his journey and there is nothing I can do about it.

    I am trying not to think about it too much or let it get in the way of enjoying my life. He has to figure this out himself. He has to find out that moderate doesnt work for him..... but dang it I was hoping he had figured that out already but obviously not. So it is probably a matter of time before the other shoe drops again! I have lost a lot of shoes!!


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  2. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry, TL, but at least he is out of state and you sound like are at peace now.

  3. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you are in a good place in your journey.
  4. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    What a shame tht he isnt taking advantage of the opportunity to make a clean break.
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh darn TL, isn't it amazing that they find friends wherever they go that can help them get their drug of choice? I think letting go is the hardest in all of this, but you sound like you have come to terms with it even if you are not at peace with his choices.
  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Yeah I am really doing surprisingly well. In a way it is easier now having him across the country again. He has to find his way, in his own way. He is posting some definite alcohol/drug pictures on FB. Why on earth do that? It is so stupid. Anyway I refrained from commenting but was very glad to see someone else post "Really bro?"..... I think that was someone he met in one of his many rehabs. Anyway all I did was like that comment but otherwise I have not said a word.

    And right now I am just feeling like it is what it is, it will be what it will be. There is nothing I can do at this point. I have tried everything. I am slowly giving him the money from his grandpa and when that runs out we will not be giving him money. I am not fighting with him over it and if he uses it all for booze then so be it. The fact that I know he is drinking again worries me because I think eventually something will happen but until then I am going to keep taking care of myself as much as I can.

    And to those who are newer here.... I have not always been in this place!! But you have to find ways to find peace and live your life no matter what stupid things they do.


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