Update.... erratic behaviours

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ColleenB, Sep 19, 2017.

  1. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    For those of you who know my story , oldest son moved out again a few months ago and started Art school. He also did detox three months ago, and seemed to be mostly clean from hard drugs. He was still smoking pot, and doesn't see any issue... sigh... that's a whole other thread.

    He had a major slip the week before classes started and came home and slept it off. He was honest with us, and seemed to get this is a life long addiction and he needs to take it seriously. Son also has a history of thinking the next "post secondary" is the cure. He has been in univ three times and failed out all but the first term. He is usually paralyzed with anxiety by October, stops going to classes, goes into a major depression and uses.

    So this fall you can imagine I'm waiting for the pattern to emerge. He seemed more content with his new program saying he is enjoying it and doesn't feel judged for being different as he felt at university. So far so good...

    I am not seeing typical fall patterns with him, but then again I don't live with him anymore.

    So yesterday I'm getting ready for work... 630am, and in comes son. He is talking and telling me about he just bought a sword and showing me some silly hoodie he bought that zips up to make a monster face ( like a middle school kid would wear, he is 23) of course I say immediately " are you high?" And he says... I couldn't sleep and woke up early so I smoked some pot to calm myself... hmmmm... so I thought pot made you mellow not hyper....

    I had to go to work and of course it was on my mind all day. Fast forward to after work and he comes to the house... still quite talkative and sounding excited about his new program... but a bit too excited with grandiose ideas of making his own line of jewelry and making money ..... now some background, my mom is an artist and I have made jewelry in the past and did well enough at it to pay for trips etc.... but it didn't support us or anything. However he does have some creative family who do make a living in the arts. But I just felt the whole day like if he isn't on some kind of stimulant like coke (which he would have crashed earlier in the day if he was on it? Right?) I am wondering about mental illness like binpolar?

    He has many of the symptoms and I am just feeling a nagging sense that something is going on beyond the drug abuse. I always blame drugs for his issues but I'm wondering about some kind of underlying mental illness.

    I get as long as he uses we won't know for sure.

    He has had periods of severe depression but seeing his almost "manic" like state yesterday made me think of this. It didn't seem like coke, I've seen him on coke.

    Ugh.... another sleepless night.
     
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    It is possible that he is bi-polar. With the drugs still being a possible factor you are correct there is no real way of knowing.
     
  3. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Colleen, my husband became psychotic on marijuana. I had never seen anyone react to pot that way before, and I had seen many, many weed users. Keep watching his behaviors. Ask questions of him so that you know what he is thinking. Big, warm hugs. I know this is scary.
     
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Colleen:

    I'm so sorry you are again on the downside of this roller coaster of ours - loving a child with addiction.

    It's better if you don't know what is going on; is what I have found. Did you say he is working to support himself as well as going to school?

    My son sounds a lot like yours with the whole anxiety thing and yes we wonder what is really going on. The drug use makes it impossible to know.

    They can't do drugs and go to school - or do anything for that matter. My son failed out two times also. I don't even talk about anymore.

    Are you still seeing the therapist? If you guys are supporting him, since he's going to school, and I get that, you may want to reconsider that.

    Of course they won't stop until they are ready but what the hell are we supposed to do in the meantime? I'm worried about keeping my son alive until he is ready (and I know I can't do anything of the sort but in my mind I do).

    As I write this my son is in a psychiatric ward in Florida. His girlfriend had him "bakered" when he was doing poppers and saying he didn't want to live. UGH.

    I am working on getting him into a faith based program closer to home but a state away. It's long term but he said he'd go. I am desperate.

    Hugs.
     
  5. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I have no answers for you because you and I are in the same boat. My son is just younger.

    Big hugs. Stay well surround yourself with support. If they have the capacity to choose drugging and plan their life; they have the capacity to choose treatment. Their journey. Clean and sober for a diagnosis but go with your gut.
     
  6. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Brutal day at work.... I have a student (several actually) with reactive attachment disorder and he had a major meltdown. I normally do not take any of this personal, but being tired, new to this school and worried about my own son.... I got emotional. Not when he was there but after he left talking it out with the district psychologist and vice principal. I was mostly frustrated due to things beyond my control but I teared up and now I feel stupid. I've only been at this school for a few weeks and have been working hard establishing relationships and trying to support our most vulnerable students. Today I didn't do so great. Ugh.

    I need to let the situation go. I'm not upset about the students meltdown it's mine I'm embarassed about!
     
  7. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Do give yourself a break what a daunting and stressful job. What is is what is. What happened is past. Tomorrow and a new start to a new beautiful day. CB I had a crap day as well
     
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  8. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    I am so sorry for you. You are handling such stress and it seems as though you are dedicating your strength to the most important part -- the kids you are serving. Give yourself clearance to move past it or to make whatever small acknowledgment you feel you need to about the emotionality. Sometimes humans surprise us with understanding. But be gentle to yourself in any case. You are doing the "lords work" as they say for your family and your students.
     
  9. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Colleen

    I think when we are dealing with what we are dealing with, we are on the verge of tears at any given time. I know I am pushed to my max right now.

    You are human and as a human you only can take so much. Hopefully your superiors are compassionate people and have had some things going on in their own lives and they will understand. I certainly would not hesitate to tell them that you are having a personal situation of sorts.

    Everyone is carrying a burden of some sort.
    :staystrong::notalone:
     
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  10. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Got home and my house looks like it's been robbed. Except nothing is missing and son is passed out in bed.

    I have no idea what is going on.

    I think he is having some kind of psychotic break.

    God help me.
     
  11. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Colleen.

    God help us all.

    Physical stresses are back, hair loss, joint pain and eye twitching....

    Let's all breathe....
     
  12. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Colleen

    Is he ok? Maybe you should call an ambulance/police?
     
  13. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Husband was out golfing and I had to call him to come home. I don't know what to do next.

    Waiting for him to wake up. We checked and he is beathing... but passed out.

    Should we take him to a hospital?
     
  14. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Oh what a horrible thing to come home to. He needs help of some sort that's for sure.

    I have been so stressed out with my son's behavior since the hurricane. Today I told him I was going to have a heart attack. He said "why, what's wrong?"

    OMG really you don't get it??
     
  15. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Colleen,

    When my husband was ill, I had to go to the store to buy bagels one morning. I can't remember what was happening at the time, but as I was waiting in line I started to cry. I could barely choke out my order to the guy at the counter. When he handed a sobbing me the box of bagels he said, "Have a great day!" I interpreted that to mean, I hope your day gets better.

    Forget about the tears. You have right to be worried. Sending strength your way ~~~~~
     
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  16. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    So he finally woke up... very groggy and slurring his words. I told him he needed to tell us the truth and that we could see and hear he was on something. He has had issues with cocaine in the past so I asked if he was back to using it... or meth? Both would cause mania and then a crash....

    He got upset and claimed no... that he took a few sleeping pills since his sleep has been so bad. This is true he has major sleep disturbances, but we asked how he got sleeping pills..as our doctor has refused to give them to him due to drug abuse. He said he can get them easy. Told us they were kolozipam? I'm thinking it is benzos again? He said no, but I'm pretty sure they are.

    He argued with us for a while.... trying to justify using something to knock him out. Says he was looking for art supplies for school and that is why he went through all the drawers.... I do have lots of crafty type stuff but we told him we would give him anything if he asked but it isn't ok to just rummage and steal it.

    Younger son came home during this and I hated seeing his face. I pulled him aside and explained and told him I was sorry he had to see this. He told me he can handle it. When older son suggested they go out later, younger one told him "no... I have homework"

    I don't want this back in my house. Younger son deserves the support to go to school and live in a safe home. I will not let older son move back in while he is still home again. This is just too heartbreaking.

    Son claims art school is the first thing to make him happy.... but he still can't sleep. And this is leading to his use of sedatives... always an excuse.

    Husband listened to son rant and rave about crap for a while very patiently... then son started saying he wished they did stuff together and husband told him to suggest some stuff and they would. He wanted his car but we hid his Keyes and told him we would drive him anywhere but we would not let him drive. He tried to argue but we did not budge.

    Husband is currently driving him back to his apartment.

    Now to try and sleep so I can face my day tomorrow ..... sigh
     
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  17. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Colleen

    I am just seeing this thread. I am sorry.

    The drugs and mental illness are chicken and egg. Like you say.There are now at least half a dozen of us actively posting right now in this situation.

    I for one seem to have a higher education fetish. Because this was what I used to run from my own pain, I believed (wrongly) it would save my son. Nor did it save me, either. When all is said and done.

    I would try to not worry about the school. it is not the issue, I do not think.

    As far as the tearing up, who hasn't? I cried with prisoners. (They were great experts on difficult sons.)

    You are doing this hard, hard thing. Staying present with compassion and love. I admire you. I am sorry it is so, so hard. And scary, too. And sad. I am right there, too.
     
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    Last edited: Sep 21, 2017
  18. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    Colleen,

    Nearly the exact thing happened in our home a few weeks ago. He was three sheets to the wind for sure, on benzos and alcohol at least. (To me, the benzo slurring and weaving seems distinguishable from the just drunk kind -- like they are baby giraffes losing their footing). And he came during prime time in full view of his younger siblings.

    I am very sorry for you. If it's not a cry for help I cant think of a reason why they would being that crap home.

    He has lost the right to be here indefinitely. We don't know the exact terms on which he could return but it would involve drug testing and being productive.

    I did one other thing which I still feel was the right call. I told him there is nothing so horrible that I couldn't handle knowing or accepting in order to get him the help he needs, including hard drug addiction or any type of mental illness. I felt that needed to be out there.

    Benzo withdrawal is supposed to be very tough.
     
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  19. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Clozapine is an anti-psychotic. Specifically an atypical anti-psychotic. I googled it and it is used recreationally to some extent. One person described exactly the behavior you describe. Acting crazy then crashing. The subjective sense is described as a numbing rather than a high.
     
  20. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think he means Clonazapine, a benzo.