update on difficult child

[hearthope]

Sick employees at the shop and making easy child's v-ball practice and tourney's yesterday have left me frazzled! I missed my cyber time with you all!!

I won't go into every little thing that difficult child has done wrong.

I will say that I have taken the time to stand back and look at the person he has become and it is scarey and sad.

He has no respect for others. He leaves a trail around the house behind him. He allows his dog to leave a trail behind her as well. (yes, I let him come home with a dog :nonono:)

one example; part of easy child's uniform is underarmour (tight fitting long sleeve, cost 50.00 for the shirt)fri night difficult child wanted to wear the shirt out, easy child said no, she was getting everything ready for sat morn and we had to leave at 5am for her tourney. As we were getting ready for bed easy child called me in her room. difficult child had gotten a blk shirt and put it where easy child had her uniform shirt and he had taken her uniform shirt and wore it out.
I was so disgusted with him, I had no way to find him that night and I was exhausted from working without help all day so I did my best to get some sleep to be ready for sat morn.
I went in his room at 4 when I got up and he had her shirt on his chair, it smelled clean (I have no idea if he washed it or what) I woke him up but I don't think he heard a word I said, so we left. We got in very late last night and he was gone when we got here. My house was a mess!!
I got up this morning and our side door was open, it is 27 degrees outside.
Today is the day for our contract, First chance we have had that we weren't running somewhere with easy child
This will be a very interesting day ~ mom has already had enough!!

 

[gottaloveem]

UGH!

 

[judi]

Double ugh! We've been doing this so long, all I keep wondering is when it will end. For any of us.

 

[Suz]

Good luck, HH.

Suz

 

[ScentofCedar]

Just knowing I would be coming here to the site to process whatever happened with difficult child ~ however unbelieveable it was ~ helped me through it, hearthope.

Do your best.

Come back and post about it.

The things the kids do are so out of left field sometimes that there IS no way to prepare or to react appropriately or even, adequately.

Just do the best you know.

We will all be here, reading your posts and supporting you in spirit.

Sometimes, just knowing that we are here makes all the difference in the world.

Does anyone remember that time I found myself making breakfast for difficult child and the oh so strange woman he dragged into the fray at eight-thiry in the morning after husband took off for town to get cash for difficult child to get his dogs out of hock ~ after paying something like $350 to get him out of jail ~ because I literally did not know what else to do but be polite? And then, difficult child got into a fight with his sister, who gave him the money before husband ever had time to make it back and then, EVERYONE stormed out ~ and all I did was the dishes???

Eeeewwwhhh!!!

:hammer:

Hearthope, you can do this.

And whatever happens, we will all be here to find out how it went ~ and to commiserate with you over what could possibly be coming, next! :smile:

Barbara

 

[hearthope]

Barbara, I agree with you 100%

I will keep posting ~ it keeps me sane

I am feeling much different this time,before it was an agony of choices-do I put up with him? or tell him to leave? now I know I have told him this is it, change or else.
If he really had hit bottom, I do believe he wouldn't be acting the way he is now.

His life is his choice ~ we do not and will not put up with his actions. He can either live by the rules or live elsewhere and what ever he chooses will be fine with me.

I am past the struggle of thinking somehow I can change him, he was raised different ~ the son I see is not the son I raised.


Yes it is heartbreaking and I am disappointed as I have ever been but he has not suffered enough to want change. He still thinks he can do the same song and dance and get the same results he used to get.


He called his po, she told him he could just come in once a mth to make a 300 dollar payment ~ he couldn't come up with 75 dollars on the 9th, but he can just come in the end of the mth with 300 ~ yea, I am sure that will happen.

One day at a time ~ I still thank God daily for me finding this site!!!!

You all are priceless!!!!!

 

[PonyGirl]

Will be thinking of you today, HH

(((Hugs))) for you my friend. Sad to see difficult child hasn't changed, but glad that you seem to have made your peace with it. It's easier when you don't have the inner struggle.

Peace

 

[AliceLee]

Hearthope, the lack of respect for family members and our belongings seems to be universal among difficult children. I don't understand the "me, me, me" attitude...

 

[hearthope]

Yes PG it makes so much difference without the inner struggle.
It is all just black and white now, no more "what if" gray areas.

AL ~ he was born with that me, me, me attitude, so I guess he was born a difficult child and it just took some time for it to all come out.


If you call a difficult child's hand at what they are doing ~ you get anger, there is no realization that what they are doing is wrong.
There is no thought process of how they are affecting others, just anger that you are not letting them do what they want to do when they want to do it.

so much self-destruction, it is senseless

 

[AliceLee]

HH, my daughter has always been very selfish, too...even as a young child.

You are exactly on the mark about calling their hands, too. My daughter gets INCENSED whenever I initiate a serious discussion regarding her. My husband noted that the only time we can talk about anything of substance with her is if SHE initiates the conversation. Even then, she will cut us right off if she feels the least bit of discomfort or pressure.

 

[hearthope]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: AliceLee</div><div class="ubbcode-body">HH, my daughter has always been very selfish, too...even as a young child.

You are exactly on the mark about calling their hands, too. My daughter gets INCENSED whenever I initiate a serious discussion regarding her. My husband noted that the only time we can talk about anything of substance with her is if SHE initiates the conversation. Even then, she will cut us right off if she feels the least bit of discomfort or pressure. </div></div>


It all has to be on their terms! Nothing you have to say is important to them, lol, If we would just leave them alone and let them go on their merry little way the world would be a perfect place!!!