Childofmine
one day at a time
Hello all of you Warriors! I say that with the utmost respect for each one of you, who is still in the trenches, trying to deal with complete craziness from someone you love so much.
I wanted to give you an update on difficult child.
As you may know, he got out of jail June 26. He dodged another bullet, because he was set to serve all of his sentence for his two felonies, due to breaking his probation. The full sentence was four years. He said his attorney told him to prepare for it, so he went into court ready to hear that he was going to state prison. But he got probation again. He told me he was terrified and spent the entire night before awake, dreading the court appearance.
He went back to the street as neither my ex-husband (his dad) or myself would let him come to our houses. In September he got a job through a friend at a McDonald's and starting working 40 hours a week. Still homeless. That went on for about 6-8 weeks, until my ex-husband, his dad, called me and suggested we help difficult child get an apartment.
I was very hesitant about that. My ex wanted us to commit to a certain amount per month. I said no. But I did, after thinking about it for a few days, agree to provide some financial help. My ex-husband was convinced that difficult child had changed. I felt there was some merit to that as I had observed a change in the way he talked, acted, behaved, but I was still hesitant. I have been burned many, many times.
But we did help him financially and he got a studio apartment and moved in Oct. 26. My ex and his wife started talking with him about a budget. We all helped him with groceries, furniture (he has a ton), clothes, towels, etc. At that time he was riding a bike to work, and his new apartment was just 10 minutes from his job at McDonald's. They really liked him there, and you could tell that although he was embarrassed about working at McDonald's, he was proud that he was valued. That was nice to see.
Within a few weeks, he got another job---working through a temp firm for a boat manufacturer. He works 48 hours a week---getting overtime for the extra 8 hours, at minimum wage. He works second shift. So then, he was working 48 plus about 25 still at Mcdonald's---having cut back there. Both minimum wage.
So that has been going on for about three months. His girlfriend is living there with him. She is the one who presumably stabbed him back in the summer when they were both drunk. She was convicted of that charge but it was reduced to a misdemeanor. difficult child still says she didn't do it. Anyway...
A few weeks ago, difficult child broke his hand hitting a wall during an argument they were having. Then, a few weeks later, I got a FB message from her saying she was pregnant, but don't worry, we will probably get an abortion. That was Dec. 13. I didn't respond and I never mentioned it to difficult child, his dad or easy child. I decided it was none of my business, and that I needed to turn it over. I also welcomed her here for Christmas and had presents for her.
This week, difficult child called me very early one morning to say that they were leaving the hospital. girlfriend had a miscarriage. He was upset, having dealt with it all. She had the miscarriage at their apartment in the shower. They didn't know what to do, and ended up calling 911 when she got dizzy and faint. He and she were both extensively questioned by police about the situation. I understand why they do that, and I also know that both of them are well known to the police as well.
Anyway, my son said he didn't want to have a baby and talked to her about terminating the pregnancy but she didn't want to so he didn't say anything about it again. This week he said that even thought he didn't want a baby, he was sad about what happened. I told him that was perfectly normal and understandable.
The girlfriend doesn't have a job. I asked him about that, and he said they have been arguing about that.
I don't get a lot of things: why he is with her in the first place, why she doesn't have a job, why they allowed themselves to get pregnant, etc. There is a lot to question.
I also continue to work to let go of it all. My son is 25 years old. He will have to live with the consequences of his decisions, whatever they are. He is making progress, and I can only hope and pray it continues and leads him to a better place, and then another better place.
I have come a long, long way in accepting what is. I still don't like it, and sometimes I allow myself to get twisted up about things. I am thankful that I was able to let go of this latest situation and let God do what God does. I continue to go to Al-Anon and life is very good.
I appreciate all that each of you teach me every day on this board. Thanks to you all and I wish you peace.
I wanted to give you an update on difficult child.
As you may know, he got out of jail June 26. He dodged another bullet, because he was set to serve all of his sentence for his two felonies, due to breaking his probation. The full sentence was four years. He said his attorney told him to prepare for it, so he went into court ready to hear that he was going to state prison. But he got probation again. He told me he was terrified and spent the entire night before awake, dreading the court appearance.
He went back to the street as neither my ex-husband (his dad) or myself would let him come to our houses. In September he got a job through a friend at a McDonald's and starting working 40 hours a week. Still homeless. That went on for about 6-8 weeks, until my ex-husband, his dad, called me and suggested we help difficult child get an apartment.
I was very hesitant about that. My ex wanted us to commit to a certain amount per month. I said no. But I did, after thinking about it for a few days, agree to provide some financial help. My ex-husband was convinced that difficult child had changed. I felt there was some merit to that as I had observed a change in the way he talked, acted, behaved, but I was still hesitant. I have been burned many, many times.
But we did help him financially and he got a studio apartment and moved in Oct. 26. My ex and his wife started talking with him about a budget. We all helped him with groceries, furniture (he has a ton), clothes, towels, etc. At that time he was riding a bike to work, and his new apartment was just 10 minutes from his job at McDonald's. They really liked him there, and you could tell that although he was embarrassed about working at McDonald's, he was proud that he was valued. That was nice to see.
Within a few weeks, he got another job---working through a temp firm for a boat manufacturer. He works 48 hours a week---getting overtime for the extra 8 hours, at minimum wage. He works second shift. So then, he was working 48 plus about 25 still at Mcdonald's---having cut back there. Both minimum wage.
So that has been going on for about three months. His girlfriend is living there with him. She is the one who presumably stabbed him back in the summer when they were both drunk. She was convicted of that charge but it was reduced to a misdemeanor. difficult child still says she didn't do it. Anyway...
A few weeks ago, difficult child broke his hand hitting a wall during an argument they were having. Then, a few weeks later, I got a FB message from her saying she was pregnant, but don't worry, we will probably get an abortion. That was Dec. 13. I didn't respond and I never mentioned it to difficult child, his dad or easy child. I decided it was none of my business, and that I needed to turn it over. I also welcomed her here for Christmas and had presents for her.
This week, difficult child called me very early one morning to say that they were leaving the hospital. girlfriend had a miscarriage. He was upset, having dealt with it all. She had the miscarriage at their apartment in the shower. They didn't know what to do, and ended up calling 911 when she got dizzy and faint. He and she were both extensively questioned by police about the situation. I understand why they do that, and I also know that both of them are well known to the police as well.
Anyway, my son said he didn't want to have a baby and talked to her about terminating the pregnancy but she didn't want to so he didn't say anything about it again. This week he said that even thought he didn't want a baby, he was sad about what happened. I told him that was perfectly normal and understandable.
The girlfriend doesn't have a job. I asked him about that, and he said they have been arguing about that.
I don't get a lot of things: why he is with her in the first place, why she doesn't have a job, why they allowed themselves to get pregnant, etc. There is a lot to question.
I also continue to work to let go of it all. My son is 25 years old. He will have to live with the consequences of his decisions, whatever they are. He is making progress, and I can only hope and pray it continues and leads him to a better place, and then another better place.
I have come a long, long way in accepting what is. I still don't like it, and sometimes I allow myself to get twisted up about things. I am thankful that I was able to let go of this latest situation and let God do what God does. I continue to go to Al-Anon and life is very good.
I appreciate all that each of you teach me every day on this board. Thanks to you all and I wish you peace.
He was able to get a job and absolutely grew up. A better father to his little girl does not exist. He is now one of my own kids to me 
