Well I guess I should update you all. If you are new, I left off at the fact that I'm dealing with partner infidelity (H had an 18+ mo affair with another woman online). It obliterated me, I closed my home business, I hit a spiral of fast downward epic proportions. I have trust issues up the ying yang and am now in counselling right now for it. A deep cycling depression hit me and have been dealing with it for nearly 8 months. I, however, am now at a point where it's not so much the infidelity that has gotten to me but the minimal work in regaining my trust and love back. I've taken on an "F you" attitude as of late and am doing things for myself like going back to school in September (ECE and Autism Behavioral Sciences). I've told him that he does nothing for me in the way of couple time (excuses are all I get or inaction) and will do nothing for him until my needs are met. He has taken to ignoring me and my requests for couple time, dates and saying we can't afford a babysitter and blah blah blah... I told him - if you want it bad enough you will find a way and if it doesn't happen it's not the infidelity that breaks this marriage but your inaction toward my requests for my needs to be met. I've never denied his needs but I do take the F you attitude when mine are not met. I've given up at this point in banging my head on a brick wall and expecting not to bleed doing it so I am definitely doing for me with going back to school, getting my license (driving) back after letting it expire 10+ yrs ago. Doing for me now, if he wants to follow me fine but he'll have to work for it and if he doesn't he can eat my dust. I have trust issues, rage issues that are cyclical and environmental with triggers. Hence, counselling. My depression is cycling back and forth and honestly I have most if not all of the PTSD symptoms from all of this. There are days where I am so low that I can't function even to get up to take a tinkle. I feel disjointed some days, even disconnected from myself and environment. I've had thoughts of going back to self harming like I did in my teens but resist because I know I'm better than that. Kids are great, I hide it all from them. We hide this from them though I suspect there are times where they kind of "know" as kids do. Daughter got bit by a dog in Jan, needed 12 stitches. Have a new puppy and rehomed the bird and ferrets. Now only have the two dogs. I have a job at the local restaurant\bar in town and am possibly going to have a more steady job with the day care in town as Admin Assistant. I am on the short list for interviews in two weeks, at the top of the list. Special Education teacher called social services on us out of spite on the last day of school (even the SS said it was a spite call but due to legislation must investigate but sees no issues). All because the psychiatric assessor told her to redo the paperwork because she got caught trying to dump my Aspie kid out of Special Education classes saying she sees nothing wrong with him. I got vocal, she didn't like it or me, assessor got vocal and backed me up and she didn't like that either and called on us out of spite. Other than that, I'm "okay" so to speak.