I haven't been around much this week, mostly because of a virus and major migraine on top of that.
I am so very very very very VERY VERY VERY PROUD of you. You know me. I am pretty blunt and not keen on blowing sunshine up someone's nether regions. Just not my thing. So you need to know that I MEAN IT when I tell you that I am proud of you.
The decision to let your son live with your ex so that he can have the strong authority figure in his daily life is HARD to make and is in his best interest. It is something that many people could not do.
You ARE a hero. The school thing? That poor girl could have been hurt or killed by her Dad if you hadn't alerted to something being wrong. You didn't let her go, you demanded ID and didn't shake on that when he challenged you. You kept your cool and alerted your boss and then you kept out of his way. Those are not just one thing, but that last sentence was THREE things and you did them all very well. You didn't let him know you alerted someone. It is HARD when you are scared to not show it, and I am not sure that I would be that great at doing that. You didn't let him see anything as you told your boss you had a problem. That is HUGE since most communication is nonverbal. Then you got out of the way and stayed out of the way. If you had gotten into the struggle it is very possible that the man could get away and/or shoot someone because you don't know what to do in a fight like that. I think most people would say your principal was brave to struggle with the man, but the cops and most people who deal with these types of things would call him an idiot. I do know that MANY businesses would fire an employee for what you boss did. WHY? Because the risks are so very high and it is so dangerous. Often the person with the weapon gets the upper hand and then they are more angry, less able to see reason or use it, and MUCH more likely to kill someone. I worked in a convenience store during summer breaks and it was made super clear that if we fought with an armed intruder that we were fired no matter if we won or lost. Regardless of the type of weapon, or what the attacker wanted, we were not to fight because that usually makes everything end badly. More than a few other jobs gave the same instructions and cautions. Even if we were world champs at some form of self defense, we were NOT to use it if we were attacked.
I won't call the principal and idiot, or wrong or whatever, but I would be surprised if his bosses didn't have a quiet chat about being stupid with him. It won't be public because the public is happy that he won.
I am sorry your boyfriend is an idiot. I don't think he has a clue, and after all this time? I don't know if he will ever get one. I think you can do better, but what do I know about dating? I never did know much about it, and after all the years with husband, well, I know less now than I did then.
You are in a depression and Witz is right about finding one good thing each day. Your employer will provide therapy for this because it is a terrible trauma that you experienced. Sure, it could have been worse, but it was bad enough as it was. ANYTHING could be worse. Heck, you could have seen his ID, let him take his daughter, and then he could have hurt her and/or her mom, and that would be awful. YOU SAVED THAT GIRL. YOU. Yes, the principal wrestled with the armed guy and got the weapon away, but YOU are the one who sensed a big problem, who checked on his status, who stalled him, who kept his child away from him and got help. YOU. YOU. YOU. YOU . YOU.
If you didn't have anxiety and nightmares and other problems? I would be seriously worried about you. You NEED to talk to someone, and your employer should have an employee assistance program (EAP) or hr can set you up with a therapist because this is incredibly traumatic and with-o therapy can cause other major problems. I wouldn't make it known at school that you are having problems, other than to hr or whomever is in charge of benefits. Check your employee handbook and see if you have an EAP, if so, call them. Otherwise, call your HR dept and ask how to get some help with an on the job trauma.
I know you don't feel like a hero. that is okay. In many ways it is like being brave. You are not brave because you run into a burning building, you are brave because you were terrified and you ran into the building anyway. You are a hero because you were nervous because something was off, so you double checked. then you were scared but you did what you needed to so that the girl was safe, and you had the sense to stay out of the way, which in my opinion is harder to do than to jump in. It is soo much harder to wait than to act, but many times waiting is a far better course of action, Know what I mean??
Please, do what you need to do. I am worried about the xanax use. in my opinion your doctor was NOT right to rx it. There are MANY other anxiety medications and almost all of them have fewer side effects and a vastly lower rate of addiction than xanax does. We have MANY docs in our area who just won't rx it unless every single other medication and 2-3 times a week therapy appts have not helped, and the patient is using more than three alternative ways to deal with anxiety (meditation, exercise, whatever, just non-medication and non therapist type therapies). The big problem with xanax is that the good feeling, the relief, wears off so fast. So people take more of the medication, more often, and they end up worse off than before.
the other reason I think xanax was totally the WRONG thing to rx? All benzos cause depression after a few weeks of daily use. it is almost impossible to treat depression with xanax, valium or other benzos because that is one of the more common side effects. I had a doctor put me on valium daily and in under a month I stopped caring about anything. Mostly I sat there, or laid in bed. I didn't read, and that is what really worried my family. I ALWAYS read, usually nonstop, and I read very very fast. So when I didn't finish a book in more than a week, and it wasn't a big book at all, my husband and mom freaked. So I took a look at the side effects and got FURIOUS, because my doctor KNEW that I was depressed when he rx'd the valium. Later a psychiatrist discussed benzo's with me and I double checked another source and found that ALL benzo's can cause depression as a side effect.
This is why I don't think xanax was a good choice for you, and I think you need to ask the psychiatrist why he thinks a medication with depression as a side effect is a good choice for you? I am always a bit surprised to learn that my docs often haven't got a clue what the side effects are to what they are prescribing. Usually I get frustrated, sometimes I get angry.
Anyway, I am PROUD of you for making the hard call about your son, and for your part in saving that girl at the least from a traumatic situation and possibly even saving her life. ALL people who are caught up in a situation like that have to deal iwth the aftermath and it can take weeks or months, and the longer you go with-o therapy, the harder it all becomes to deal with. there is NO shame in needing help to deal with this. NONE, regardless of what your boyfriend is telling you.
(((((HUGS)))))
