UPDATE to son going into custody after court...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by recovering doormat, Dec 2, 2008.

  1. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    After much back and forth between the attorney we hired and the prosecutor, the court gave us one week to get him into a program and released him to us. He and his dad immediately left for Pennsylvania and met with admissions. They need to speak to the most recent treating therapist and psychiatrist, then they will have a decision for us within a day or two about whether they can take him for a minimum 60 day stay. We have to plunk down $16,000 in advance or they won't admit him at all - they refuse to boot out a child just because the insurance company says time's up - but the insurance will cover 70 percent of at least some of the days. that's it for my retirement plan, but I'm so relieved that at least my ex and I get a respite from the constant worry and stress.

    I couldn't go on another two weeks like this. We are so emotionally and physically worn down. I'm glad that they didn't take him into custody today and I'm glad this won't be drawn out for more than a couple of days.

    My son will be at home at his dad's tonight, exhausted and probably angry and sullen and a bit frightened. I'm prepared for him to hate me now, I just hope that we can penetrate that rock-hard head and help him help himself. I'm sure his "friends" will be shocked out of their shoes.
  2. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I'm so glad to hear that the court went this route and gave you a chance to get him admitted to a decent program! I take it your son was willing to at least cooperate with admission interviews etc.? Maybe this will shock him into thinking - at least for a short time - seriously about his situation. He'll get angry and go back into denial too, but the program will work on that. You've done wonderfully, getting everything in place like this. {{{hugs}}} and kudos to you! Now you need some relaxation time for yourself.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad you get some say in the program he goes into, so that you have a chance to pick one that will best address his needs.

    You are right about him being angry, scared, etc... And that he will probably say he hates you, and even more ugly stuff in that vein.

    HAve faith that with time and healing on everyone's part, including his sub abuse issues and mental health issues, he will move to a point where he no longer hates you.

    While I didn't have sub abuse issues, I did have a very very viciously angry child who hated me. He psoke of little but his hatred for me and his desire to kill his sister and I for a long, long time. I spent several years certain that he would end up killing someone.

    Now, well, I couldn't have a more loving son. One who sees (as much as a teen can) how hard everything was for his father, and most especially for me. He is a good kid, with a future who even tells me he loves me. It only took almost 2 years before I could look at his baby pics with-o bawling, and after that we started to heal.

    There IS hope. And there can be healing. Take time to recharge after he is placed in the facility. Give yourself time and therapy, including Al Anon. Once they can see past their own addiction/illness, they can see that we act out of love for them.

    Gentle hugs, these are the toughest days a parent can face.
  4. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    My son was very angry when he got out of juvy, even threatening my husband, so he went back for 3 weeks (till his court date) the second time he got out, he was so much nicer to his dad and I, as if he understood we were trying to help.

    Your son will understand that some day too.

    I hope you can get him in the facility ASAP. How great you were able to find a place.

    I wish your family the best of luck.

    Keep us posted as to how he is doing.

    Try not to feel too bad when he is away. Enjoy the calm and quiet and knowing he is safe.

  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    WELL GOOD! He has a choice - he can get some help.

    YOU can get some rest.

    Major big hugs.....I dont' suppose there is any way he could apply for Medicaid or a Katie Becket waiver to help offset the costs?

  6. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    My son went to see his P.O. on Wednesday, where he was photographed, drug tested, and signed up for a local substance abuse program for teens where he'll meet weekly with a therapist, get random tests, and try to stay out of trouble. He may be heading for house arrest (ankle bracelet) if he violates his curfew tonight. He asked me yesterday if he could sleep over and I initially said yes, wanting to have some time with him before he goes someplace, but I ended up changing my mind today after he had a temper tantrum and threw my cell phone on the ground (didn't break but it's scratched) and then against his dad's rules invited a couple of friends over after school (dad is at the office, only older sister is at home and she is hardly responsible).

    I just didn't want him over tonight. It's been an emotionally draining week and I need to be alone. Youngest is going to a birthday party and sleeping over.

    I'm sick of my kids, sick of my relatives talking to each other about my kids, sick of my depression and exhaustion, sick of my ineffectiveness.

    Yikes! Need a good night sleep and a good long walk tomorrow am.
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member


    You know your doing all the right things for him, you really are. I don't blame you for cancelling him sleeping by you tongiht, you have to take care of you after all this you went through.

    You will get thru it and in time he will get out of the hate stage and see all in which you have done for him. It sounds like it's time to get your life back now and your peace.

    I hope you sleep well and have a good walk tomorrow.

  8. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    First of all, I just want to send you a big hug, and to tell you not to beat yourself up that you didn't want him overnight. I absolutely understand and be assured that many of our other members on here can too.

    It's very physically and emotionally draining to be running on high alert all the time, never knowing what's going to happen, if they'll run, if they'll be home, if they'll be high. Yes, I remember those days all too well.

    Getting him into a program will give you all a chance to heal emotionally and physically. Of course, he has to want to b be in the program and want to work it, but it does give you all time to get a bit of a respite.

    Hoping along with you that things work out - that the program takes him and that he's ready.

    You need to rest up and and try to recharge a bit. It's been a draining week, that's for sure.

    Hang in there.