Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DenitaS, Sep 9, 2010.

  1. DenitaS

    DenitaS New Member

    Well, I just wanted to let you know that we found difficult child 2.
    She was gone for 10 days, I finally sent difficult child 1 on the hunt for her and she was found in less then 24 hours and picked up by the police. They tried to send her to a type of Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but they would not accept her. They tried to send her to the Juvenile Detention Center but, it was her first offense.
    I picked her up from the police and saw her LOVELY new TATTOOS and PIERCINGS. Took her straight to the hospital for them to do an evaluation. They decided she should stay and is there now. We have NO idea what is next. I have to get her court date in a day or two and see when that is and go from there I guess.
    I am drained and mentally exhausted. I can't imagine her staying here and not running. She was trying the pity thing on me last night I finally told her that I have bent and bent and bent over backwards and now I am just broken! I have nothing left.
    So, that is the update. Just wanted to let you guys know.
  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, I'm glad she was found safe. Get some rest .. I can "hear" the weariness in your words. I know it's absolutely exhausting. Take things one step at a time, and try not to think past today for now. Hugs.
  3. DenitaS

    DenitaS New Member

    My understanding is that the Case Manager from the hospital will call within 24 to 48 hours. I am going to tell them that she can't come home that it doesn't work so what's next? I'm not sure if this will work but, it's what I have to work with. I also believe that if she can't stay there or only for a short time that I can request from the judge on her court date that she be placed somewhere else. She is also supposedly engaged to an 18 year old that she was shacking up with! So, who knows what will happen if they send her home? I am really just exhausted of dealing with all of this! It has been a LONG 6 years to say the least!
  4. Bean

    Bean Member

    One mistake I always made was not winding down in times when I knew she was safe (tx, hospital, jail)... Even if she's there just one more night - do something for yourself. Watch a movie, go out to dinner, hand with friends. Whatever, but enjoy the time where you know where she is and you know that she is safe.
  5. DenitaS

    DenitaS New Member

    I am finally ANGRY!! Like beyond description ANGRY!!
    I NEVER let myself "feel" when all of this is going on. I talked to the mother of the friend that the therapist said I should allow her to go and stay with upon release (Insurance is up after 30 days and no Residential Treatment Center (RTC) available).. After she did the aw this poor child blah blah blah and WHY would you press charges and Blah Blah Blah! I remained composed and ONLY discussed facts! THEN the case manager calls and says that she has about 2 weeks of insurance left and she MAY be able to go to another place for those 2 weeks BUT, then my benefits are out and if something happens we are left with nothing! difficult child 2 ALWAYS accuses husband of abuse. We are considering a Refusal to accept Parental Responsibility route when this fails. That way, the state can put her in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)! BUT, we have to worry about the 2 year old in our care (difficult child 1's). So, I calmly ask the lady if she saw any "proof" or reason to "believe" that there is abuse in our home (again, trying to protect ourselves from the fallout when this fails) she says that she believes there "may" be reason to believe that their is? I said really?? She said that difficult child 2 is not malice in anyway (REALLY?? NEWS TO ME??) and she can't imagine her saying something completely to hurt someone with NO reason??? WTH?? FOR REAL??? ARE YOU SERIOUS??? Would you like to see the message where she told her friend to pick her up from the park because husband busted her lip? (Didn't happen) OR would you like the message between her and I were she explains HOW she will frame us for abuse!! OH MY GOSH!! (I did NOT say these things to her, just kept my composure and got off the phone)

    I AM SO SICK Of living my life having to defend and look at all the fallout "options" for what she says!!!! THIS is ridiculous! Why in the WORLD would you empower a child like this! I Am just ANGRY!!
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I can't believe I missed this post, I'm so sorry Denita. I know it's incredibly frustrating to deal with someone so clueless. Parents of our difficult child's friends tend to fall into that category sometimes, I've found. They have PCs (or so they perceive), have only gotten one side of a story (our difficult child's side), and just can't comprehend what life is like for the parent of a difficult child, and the choices you have to make for the safety and security of your family. It's definitely a situation where the "smile and nod" is sometimes the best reaction. I'm sure your detachment armor is probably worn pretty thin at this point, but detaching from this woman is best, really.

    I hope today is a better day!