I'm holding up pretty well, considering. I had a dream, well I'm not quite sure "dream" is the right word, where husband came to me. He looked good, not so much like even before the heart attack but as he did near the time the picture was taken that Stang brought to me, which is up on my fb page, which was a few years ago. I was so excited and thrilled to see him. He said he had to hurry, he couldn't stay long. I was just thrilled I could hear him / he could hear me, that I could feel him when he took me into his arms. He said he missed me and he loved me. I told him the same......then he had to go. And I woke up. When I woke, I felt a deep inner peace. I know he is ok. I know he made it to the other side. We got to hold each other and say I love you one last time, as a goodbye. That peace hasn't left me since. I still miss him horribly. I'm still grieving, but it's not the same. I'm not sure I know how to explain it. Not quite as intense, maybe? I'm mad about the house insurance thing, but even if there is no policy to pay it off, I'll deal because that's just what I do. I'll find a way to keep the house and go on, if I lose it, I'll go down fighting. easy child and I had to go and pick up his death certificate today as well as his cremains. I thought that it would hit me like a ton of bricks. It didn't. I mean it was so hard to look at that certificate...but I did so much better than I thought I would. And the funeral director helped us fill out the paperwork for the marker and answered my questions about the memorial since we'll be transporting the cremains. He'd have to charge me if he did it, and he didn't want to have to do that. I even have husband's veteran's flag. Now this may sound odd to some people. But you have to keep in mind I grew up in a family with a strange sense of humor. easy child was more than a bit weird-ed out by the fact that I was taking home husband's remains. She asked me what I was going to do with them. I said I was going to put them up on the mantel. I told her it was ironic that over the years husband and I used to joke that I'd keep his ashes on the mantel and whenever I got mad I could yell at him...... Then I said, he's got to be laughing where he is. And we just cracked up like crazy. If the director was looking out the door he probably thought we'd lost a few marbles. Honestly though, it doesn't bother me to have him here. It doesn't bother Travis. I got flowers from my sister today, the one who's been calling me regularly to check on me. Daisy's. When I opened them I thought omg, how appropriate can you get? and what are the odds? Sis doesn't know my favorite flower has always been a daisy. She wasn't at my wedding so she doesn't know that my bouquet was silk daisies (which I still have). And she had no clue husband's birth flower is a daisy. I didn't even know that until the girls looked it up a couple of days ago. Then I got a phone call from a person I haven't heard from or seen in a year, my bff's sister. She and bff's mom had seen husband's obituary in the paper, she was so shocked she didn't know what to say. We talked for quite a long time......about husband.......about bff. I got caught up on bff's boys, who are by the way doing well. They were glad to hear that Nichole was doing so well and had managed to move on. Bff's sister sounded better than I've ever heard her in all the years I've known her. So that was a type of closure for me. It's been an eventful unusual day.