Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Sep 20, 2011.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm holding up pretty well, considering.

    I had a dream, well I'm not quite sure "dream" is the right word, where husband came to me. He looked good, not so much like even before the heart attack but as he did near the time the picture was taken that Stang brought to me, which is up on my fb page, which was a few years ago. I was so excited and thrilled to see him. He said he had to hurry, he couldn't stay long. I was just thrilled I could hear him / he could hear me, that I could feel him when he took me into his arms. He said he missed me and he loved me. I told him the same......then he had to go. And I woke up. When I woke, I felt a deep inner peace. I know he is ok. I know he made it to the other side. We got to hold each other and say I love you one last time, as a goodbye.

    That peace hasn't left me since.

    I still miss him horribly. I'm still grieving, but it's not the same. I'm not sure I know how to explain it. Not quite as intense, maybe?

    I'm mad about the house insurance thing, but even if there is no policy to pay it off, I'll deal because that's just what I do. I'll find a way to keep the house and go on, if I lose it, I'll go down fighting.

    easy child and I had to go and pick up his death certificate today as well as his cremains. I thought that it would hit me like a ton of bricks. It didn't. I mean it was so hard to look at that certificate...but I did so much better than I thought I would. And the funeral director helped us fill out the paperwork for the marker and answered my questions about the memorial since we'll be transporting the cremains. He'd have to charge me if he did it, and he didn't want to have to do that. I even have husband's veteran's flag.

    Now this may sound odd to some people. But you have to keep in mind I grew up in a family with a strange sense of humor.

    easy child was more than a bit weird-ed out by the fact that I was taking home husband's remains. She asked me what I was going to do with them. I said I was going to put them up on the mantel. I told her it was ironic that over the years husband and I used to joke that I'd keep his ashes on the mantel and whenever I got mad I could yell at him...... Then I said, he's got to be laughing where he is. And we just cracked up like crazy. If the director was looking out the door he probably thought we'd lost a few marbles.

    Honestly though, it doesn't bother me to have him here. It doesn't bother Travis.

    I got flowers from my sister today, the one who's been calling me regularly to check on me. Daisy's. When I opened them I thought omg, how appropriate can you get? and what are the odds? Sis doesn't know my favorite flower has always been a daisy. She wasn't at my wedding so she doesn't know that my bouquet was silk daisies (which I still have). And she had no clue husband's birth flower is a daisy. I didn't even know that until the girls looked it up a couple of days ago.

    Then I got a phone call from a person I haven't heard from or seen in a year, my bff's sister. She and bff's mom had seen husband's obituary in the paper, she was so shocked she didn't know what to say. We talked for quite a long time......about husband.......about bff. I got caught up on bff's boys, who are by the way doing well. They were glad to hear that Nichole was doing so well and had managed to move on. Bff's sister sounded better than I've ever heard her in all the years I've known her. So that was a type of closure for me.

    It's been an eventful unusual day.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member


    You are healing. Things are unfolding, one day at a time.
    It is a very good sign when you can laugh again!

    There will be many more days like this ahead.

    and a big <smile>
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    You know... my father's birthday was Halloween. He died in the month of May and, when Halloween came around, 4 year old Duckie insisted we had to have a birthday party for him. So I baked a cake, put dad's cremains on the table and we sang "Happy Birthday".

    I'm glad you've found some peace.
  4. keista

    keista New Member


    Glad you are finding peace. No, it wasn't 'just' a dream. I believe that with my entire being.

    And I promise you, if that funeral director did see you, he's seen far crazier and/or worse. Laughter is natural.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad you are finding peace. by the way, my mother in law has father in law's ashes at home. She sits him by her while watching the Detroit Tigers playing!
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    This was nice to read. You've been continuously on my mind and I'm so glad you were able tell your H I love you and say goodbye.

    We had father in law's cremains here since July. No biggie, I spoke to him once in a while, like when I was mad about the house situation and sometimes I'd just say, "Hey Denis, how's it going today?" I'm weird, I don't find death to be creepy or maudlin. I still have one scoop of father in law that I will put under the dogwood this weekend. Sick.

    Hugs, Lisa, you're a survivor and a doer.
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How wonderful husband came to you in your sleep. I believe.

    I think DHs mom has come to me multiple times in multiple forms. One day I saw 3 beautiful Monarch butterflies in 3 different places and the most unusual places to see a butterfly (high traffic) and I just knew it was her each time.

    Still keeping you in my thoughts.
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Lisa - he was there. You only think you were asleep and dreaming. That's the easiest way for us to see past "reality".

    I don't see it as at all weird. Not something I want done with me, but... It's not for those who pass, it's for those still living. And the real husband is in your heart now. (Besides, the thought of having someone to yell at who can't yell back... :bigsmile:)

    Laughter is a great stress reliever. I don't know why society deems it inappropriate!
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lisa, I know you have heard me say on here many times that I have both my mother and my grandmother here in the house right? Just dont ask me to tell you exactly where they are at any given moment...lol. I think I know. Or I might have them mixed up! Horrors of horrors...lol.

    I remember when I went to pack up my moms house to move her up here and I found my grandma in a box under her bathroom sink...lol. That was unusual. Then there was the time my grandmother scared a friend of Jamie's half to death when she went to clean out a cabinet and there was my grandmother! You learn not to open boxes in my house unless you know what is in them...lmao.

    Really...My mom and grandma are on a shelf in my family room. I just am not sure exactly where considering its a tall shelf an filled with clutter. I do know they are there though.
  10. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Wow - what an amazing dream. What closure that must have brought. I am so glad that he gave you that gift - wonderful.
  11. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    My baby brother watches the Pirates with dad's cremains. It gives us all a chuckle. No one has figured out what to do with them. It doesn't creep us out either. I imagine that there will be days of peace and days of grief. Hugs to you.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It sounds as though you are coping very well. I hope that everything works out well, and have faith that no matter what happens, you will do okay.

    As for your family being weird and laughing about yelling at husband's ashes, I don't think it is as weird as you do. I have known quite a few people who kept a loved ones' cremains and spoke to them. When I would deliver meals on wheels with my grandparents in the summer, several people "introduced" me to their dead spouses on the mantle/bookshelf. At least you are not going to put him in a ziplock in a file drawer. One of my great aunts' showed me her husband when I was about 12. No one believed me until years later when she let my mother "visit" him. Our comment was that we were amazed - she put him in a brand new ziplock bag - and she NEVER used new ziplocks. She bought a new box of them about once each year or two!

    I am glad you got to have a goodbye with your husband. I firmly believe that type of thing is real - have seen gandparents long after they died, and two of them I have never met while alive and there are no pics of them in the clothes I saw - but they were their everyday/work clothes. So even if others think you are nuts, I know you are not.
  13. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Lisa I had a similar dream when I was 18 and my boyfriend died. I met him when I was 16 and at that age it's always "true love". LOL But I firmly believe mine wasn't a dream and neither was yours.

    As for having him around....we do that too. My gma has grandpa on her dresser although for a while he was in storage. Whoever packed him made sure he was in the box with the tv so he didn't get bored. My uncle that passed this year had lived with gma and he is on the dresser in what was his room. I go in their occasionaly and say hi or smack the urn, depending on my mood ('cause I'm still livid with him for dying). I even have a little toy sitting on top of him that I plan on throwing in the hole when we bury everyone. It's just a little something that links to a story from when we were kids but he would get it. I do have to say though....I'm not sure I want to bury him. The plan is that when gma passes, she will be cremated and put in the other end of Grandpa's urn and then we will bury them and my uncle all together, boxes and all. My uncle and I were very close and more like brother and sister and part of me doesn't want to "leave" him but I have no idea what I would do with him if I kept him.

    Hugs. I'm glad you got that visit!
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I'm glad your husband was able to give you that one last gift. Sounds like it was something you both needed so you can now both go where you both need to go and do what you both need to do.

    Keeping you in my thoughts
  15. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    That was an amazing special experience! Thank-you for sharing it. I'm glad you got to say good-bye.

    Janet, I haven't laughed that hard in years. Wow, I'm going to have to share with husband about your Grandma scaring kids.