VENT! 35 is losing it over custody battle and abusing me over the phone.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by MidwestMom, Apr 16, 2013.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I had it tonight. I've been living his divorce with him and that was bad enough. He could call me ten times a day and, when stressed out, scream at me, tell me to STFU, hang up on me if I didn't say what he wanted me to say, and in general be extremely emotionally abusive. Believe it or not, I feel bad for him. He has mental health issues. So I put him on my own schedule of how often I'd talk to him and I put up with some verbal abuse, in which he'd call an hour later like it never happened. NEVER ONCE HAS HE EVER SAID, "I'm sorry Mom you're trying to help me. You didn't deserve it. I'm just stressed out." If he did that sometimes, maybe I wouldn't feel so worn out and done now.

    Tonight did it. I can't deal with this anymore.

    A short back story: 35's ex is going to legal custody. Although she is no more stable or nicer than him, she is a lot smarter about what she has done since the divorce. 35 has said really gfgish things to his son such as, "Mom is trying to take all daddy's money." I think the one example says it all. While he doesn't say these things often, J. is an EXTREMELY smart five year old with a photographic memory who can and does repeat things back and forth from Mommy to Daddy and vice versa. 35 was smug and thought she'd never go to court because she doesn't have t he money. Well, somebody is funding her because he was served. Well!!!! The stress and abuse have reached a new level of intensity. I have had to hear from him, and this is just today:

    "If I lose J., (he means doesn't get him 50/50) I'm going to kill myself. He is my world."
    "STFU! You aren't supposed to say that I need to brace for the worst and make a life for myself BECAUSE YOU CAN'T TELL ME I MAY LOSE! I DON"T WANT TO HEAR IT! WHAT KIND OF PARENT ARE YOU?"

    "I was told by lawyer to write a letter to ex suggesting we work out parenting and do mediation. I don't care how late you come home from choir practice tonight. This is more important. You have to call me and help me write this e-mail."

    "I should be more important than choir!"

    "You HAVE to stay up late so we can write this e-mail together. I have nobody else."

    He says all this in anger.

    So I went to choir practice, got home earlier than expected and gave it one more good ole try and he went ballistic. I don't even know what I said to tick him off, but he screamed so loud that my husband, Jumper and Sonic could all hear him and his embarassing abuse, swearing and off-the-wall nastiness. Then he hung up when I said, "I can't help you with this. I'm not a lawyer and I don't KNOW how this hearing will go."

    I thought he was still on the line, but realized in a few seconds he had slammed the phone in my ear again.

    I was p****sed. I still am and I've had it. I sent him a long e-mail telling him never to call me again unless he could be respectful, that I didn't care how stressed out he was, but that I did not deserve to be talked to that way. I said I loved him, but I would not deal with him unless he spoke to me in a normal tone and was nice." It ended up a few pages long.

    He will never apologize to me and he'll call me and try to wake me up at 7:30am because that is when he is driving to work. It has become a pattern that he calls me early in the morning, at lunch, and sometimes ten times in a row at night. I'm done. I don't have time for my other kids. Jumper and Sonic both wanted to tell me something, but 35 was ranting and raving and I couldn't hear them. Later I apologized to them both.

    I turned off my cell phone. 35 is not going to wake me up tomorrow morning. It isn't happening. I have volunteering in the morning and group therapy in the afternoon so the phone has to be off during those times anyway, but, even when I have to keep it on in case somebody else needs to reach me, I refuse to answer anything from St. Louis. I have had it, had it, had it.

    For ten years, when 35 was married to his ex, he didn't call me much. When I came to Chicago, where he lived, well, his ex didn't like our family so I NEVER got to see my grandson. I've seen him maybe five times in my life and that is because 35 allowed his ex to keep him from us. And one time when his ex got mad at me, he gave her permission to call me up and scream at me, which she did with lust. He didn't start calling me again on a regular basis until he was stuck in Missouri with a wife who had run off with another man. Now I can't STOP him from calling me.

    Enough is enough. I'm not just cutting his time talking to me. I'm not answering the phone unless I get an e-mail apology and a promise. And then he only gets to talk to me if he keeps his word.

    But he won't apologize. He never apologizes.

    I'm going to sleep. Thanks for reading this if you hung in there. I am so dang done with this!!!!
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member


    And some extra {{hugs}} for J.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    MWM.....I am assuming you have a smartphone. You can download a program to block and record those calls. Or just block the calls. He will get a message as if you have just sent him to voicemail.
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame