Warrior Parents - How Would You handle This?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, May 23, 2012.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I have a small dilemma with difficult child...and I'm not sure how I should handle it.

    difficult child has a friend "A" who is not getting along with her parents. A moved in with her 20-something older brother - and often hangs out with older brother and his friends. difficult child also wants to hang out with A's older brother and friends. For obvious reasons, we are saying "No!".

    Next week is exam week at school. difficult child told me that she does not have an exam Thursday morning and therefore will not be allowed in the school building until noon. difficult child wants to know if she can hang out with A. They will probably go out to breakfast and then to the mall. A's Mom will be driving them around since A is making up with her parents and will be moving home again sometime before next week. This is a bs story.

    First - students ARE allowed in the school building. Exams are held at 8am and 10 am. Students are welcome to come in late and/or leave early - or may study in the library or the cafeteria.

    Second - school gets OUT at noon on Thursday.

    Third - I don't believe for a second that A has made up with her mother just in time to be driven all over town on Thursday morning.

    Here is my dilemma. If difficult child had said that she wanted to go to breakfast with her friend at the Waffle House around the corner from the school and walk to school in time for her 10 am exam - husband and I have absolutely no problem with that.

    But what are we supposed to do with this bs story?

    Would you tell difficult child that she could go "hang out" with A ?

    Would you make her go to school as usual so that she has to stay in the library until her exam?
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I think she should go to school & study. Seems there were some issues in the past with her grades???

    Or, of course, she won't mind if you clear it with A's mother... RIGHT?
  3. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    [My usual softie warning] If your difficult child is self-aware enough to know she is plainly lying and is able to drop off the lie and try with better story, I would give her a chance to do so. Just tell her, that her story doesn't make any sense and please do try again. Ask permission for what you are really after and we will see. If she gets a story straight, I would give a permission. If not, I would tell her, that I still don't understand what she was planning to do and that is why she needs to go school normal time and stay in library.

    If calling her bs is likely to only cause a meltdown, I would let it go and simply make her to go to school in normal time.[/softie warning]
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    I would definitely NOT allow difficult child to hang with A. Step is right, though, you should clear it with A's mom anyway.

    As I was reading all I kept thinking was that it was BS - kids NOT allowed in the school??????? that's illegal.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Well, here's the thing...

    what she's "really after" may very well be joyriding around town with a bunch of college guys (been there done that before - UGH!).

    If I hint that I *might* give permission to go out to breakfast with A - that's exactly what the story will change to.


    I'm starting to realize that my answer should probably by "no". I just really wish it could be a typical teen situation like going out for breakfast with a couple of girlfriends before the exam instead of the "sneak around to hang out with older men" situation.
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    SuZir... DF's difficult child is lying only when her lips are moving (unless that's changed)...

    I wouldn't even let the Waffle House thing go. But that's me...
  7. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Okay, I see. I didn't understood that and imagined she could just be making some elaborate story to cover up something that could be legitimate. That is something that has happened in our house quite a lot. But if that is not a case and if it is likely she would just put herself on harms way, when there probably is no other possibility but deny it.

    It is kind of shame how much fun difficult children loose, because they can not be trusted, can't handle it and stay safe.
  8. HopeRemains

    HopeRemains New Member

    I would say no way. But that's just me- I'm mean. At the same time, I like the idea of telling her you need to clear it with A's Mother first. If that doesn't fly with her, it's an absolute no. Then at least you gave the impression of not just assuming she was lying in the first place.
  9. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Hi Daisy. You know it is BS and what she is going to do, so she goes to school at the start time and sits in the cafeteria and studies until the testing is over and she is allowed to walk the halls. This way she stays out of trouble and gets better grades. It's a win all the way around.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    For lying alone, I'd say no. Kids don't lie unless they are covering something up.

    I have to treat my 18 year old son who has a form of autism like a much younger child. I suspect you have to treat your daughter younger as well...to help keep her safe from her own bad choices. She could be in danger with a bunch of college boys. I'd send her to school, not to be mean, but to keep her safe.
  12. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Couldn't have said it better myself.

  13. Library. College boys aren't interested in having a teddy bear tea party with her. Good luck.
  14. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    School for sure.
  15. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh wait - that was yesterday! haha!! How did it go?
  16. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    No...not yesterday....the Thursday next week...

    or according to difficult child:

    Thursday, no wait - Wednesday...

    No wait, now that I have a new boyfriend (of two days) - I'll just go hang out with him instead!

    This kid makes me crazy!