Hello everyone! I've been lurking here for a looooooooooooooong time. It has brought me great comfort to know I'm not alone in my struggles in difficult child-dom, and many of your posts have helped me tremendously in how I deal with my difficult child, who is my 14-year-old stepdaughter. She lives with us full-time and has since she was almost 3 years old. I finally feel compelled to throw my hat in the ring and seek support here now that things seem to be spiraling downhill regarding schoolwork. The backstory is very long and complicated, and I'm happy to answer any questions anyone may have, but I'll try to get to the gist without getting too longwinded... I mentioned above that difficult child is my stepdaughter. This is the source of all kinds of resentment issues in her, and although her biomom is completely incapable of caring even for herself, much less her children, and although I have raised difficult child since toddlerhood, difficult child still sees me as the reason that her life is so "awful," and the result of all THAT is a very troubled relationship between her and me. She can be horribly disrespectful, rude, mean, manipulative, vindictive... Long story short, life with her is very stressful. She treats me and my older son like dirt quite often. Her behavior issues really spiraled downward this past summer (stealing, hatefulness, rotten attitude), which added a tremendous amount of stress to our already stressful lives with her... This is all really having a negative effect on my own mental health. I am really making an effort to reduce my stress for health reasons - I am obese and gravitate toward depression (no medications, yet...), and I want better for myself and my family. I am making conscious efforts to reduce the negative drama in our housefold for all of our sakes, but especially for my 2 sons. My problem is this: after a HUGE meltdown one day last year over schoolwork (which was by far NOT the only time she has had a meltdown over schoolwork, just the worst one), I decided that enough was enough - schoolwork was a battle I was no longer willing or able to fight. That day, I had found out that she was missing several assignments, and I had told her that she had to do them and turn them in even though they were late. She threw a total fit - screaming, yelling, refusing, ripping paper, abusing books, throwing things across the room, breaking pencils... holy moly. All in the presence/earshot of her younger brothers. I ended up having to call my mother in law over (I live next door to my inlaws) to intervene. School has been a huge struggle for difficult child's entire life. She is diagnosis'd ADHD and also some NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD), and she takes Vyvanse and Strattera. She has had an IEP since 1st grade (which she went through twice). She is now in 8th grade but is more on a 6th grade level for most subjects. She goes to tutoring for 4 hours a week to try to catch her up to speed on her reading and math skills. She appears to not care one whit about school whatsoever. She is failing 2 classes and is borderline in another. My mother in law (who is very supportive and kind, we are very close and have a great relationship) keeps saying that "someone" needs to start monitoring her schoolwork more. I do try to keep somewhat abreast of when her tests and major assignments are and remind her of them, and I do help her with projects when she needs it, but that's about it. I simply don't have it in me to micromanage her schoolwork the way my mother in law thinks I should. Talk about a recipe for drama! Especially since her behavior has recently taken yet another nosedive. I just can't do it. The potential for a battle isn't worth it to me. So I guess I'm seeking support for my decision to let school take care of school. Surely I can't be the only one. I've been thinking about scheduling a conference with her teacher to just explain more of what is going on, although that would probably involve me breaking down in tears. I also don't want to disappoint my mother in law, but I just can't micromanage difficult child's schoolwork like that... If you've made it through this, thanks for bearing with me! I could really use the support these days.