WAY out of proportion!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mog, Apr 20, 2010.

  1. mog

    mog Member

    To start with when we found out that we could take difficult child ourselves to the new Residential Treatment Center (RTC) husband was not excited about the idea. I told him that if he didn't want to go he didn't have to that I would take him myself but he decided to go. He was very quite most of the trip and difficult child had to ask him twice to repeat an answer because husband would not speak loud enough for either of us to hear.
    Then I told him that I wanted to stop and see a friend of my daughters that is going to college in a town that we were passing threw. He had an attitude but we stopped anyway.
    I asked him if he wanted to stop and spend the night in one of the little towns or keep driving to get to my mothers house. He wanted to drive to my moms.
    When we got there we were both dead tired. He went off to buy beer. I think that him and my brother were also drinking whiskey because my husband acts differently when he is drinking more that beer.
    After a long night husband went off to bed and I was talking with my mom until about 2 in the morning. Then I went to bed. I know that I nudged husband to stop snoring as I do every night and he said he would go sleep somewhere else and I just told him to lay down and shut up. I just chalked it up to him being drunk.
    The following morning he didn't speak to me and I didn't know why. Well he went off outside and had text me a couple of times during the day which i answered. I was busy cleaning for my mom. She is really ill and has trouble doing things so I cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed the living room, washed the dishes and swept and mopped. I did not know that there was an issue with husband. Later that day my sister in law and nephew showed up. husband text me to ask if they were going to get a room or if we should. I told him that I did not know yet since at this point I was watching my grand baby. I asked if he wanted to eat -he said no.He asked me again about 4o minutes but we had not discussed it yet. He then started telling me that I had said nasty things about his mother and that he was not going to sleep in the same bed with me and that apparently I had said that when we got home we would go our separate ways. He walked into the bedroom to get his stuff and I asked him if he was serious. I did not say the things that he claims about his mom. He and my brother had already been drinking. All of a sudden I get a phone call from husband asking if I wanted to know where he got a room or just pick me up in the morning. WHAT!!I called him and told him that he had upset my mom because she thought it was her fault he left and was trying to give me money for things I had bought for the house (cleaning supplies, food, cokes) He said well just tell them what you said about my mom. He then walks into my moms house 10 minutes later yelling at me and I yelled back. Tried to explain to him that I did not say those things. He claims I said F*** your mom but why would I have said that just out of the blue. We had not been talking about her and if I hadn't said it in the past when I did have cause why now. my mom and dad got mad at me and lectured me. I told them that I did not say it. Well husband had not gotten a room but he slept in the living room and I slept in the bedroom. My step daughter only heard bits and pieces of what was going on but I am sure that she has already called husband's mom to tell her. This happened Saturday and it is not Tuesday and husband and I are not speaking-we came home but are two different rooms. I don't know what to do.This whole things is so out of proportion it is not funny. My step daughter refused to accept medication I bought her and did not even say good bye after all this happened. Some times this relationship is not worth the bull!!!
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    The no speaking - very childish. Classic passive-aggressive.

    When was it you were alleged to have said stuff about his mother? Was it before the trip? has he perhaps misheard something (who knows when) and been brooding about it, letting it build into huge resentment until he just won't believe you?

    What happens in this situation if you directly confront him and say, "What is wrong? Talk to me!" ?

    If he responds to this with opening up and talking about the problem, I would suggest you use this in the future as your first line of attack. "Never let the sun go down on your anger," as my mother used to say.

    But if he responds to your direct approach with a muttered, "Nothing's wrong," then tell him, "If nothing is wrong then behave that way. If nothing is wrong then you have no reason to be moping."

    Basically, if he won't come out and tell you what is wrong (if anything) then he has no right to behave this way. Put up, or shut up.

    What you should never do, is buy into the "Guess why I'm angry with you" routine. It's a way of him trying to feed his own ego at your expense and have you running around after him. In his mind, if you can guess what he's upset about then you must be more closely connected to him after all and that reassures him. HE needs to be in control and in the driver's seat and this behaviour is his way of keeping you off balance and making you put him as the centre of attention.

    As I said, very childish.

  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with Marg. husband is definitely acting childish and adding alcohol to the mix makes it even worse. Sorry. Hugs.

  4. mog

    mog Member

    Supposedly I made those comments that night after I went to bed. Now that we are home husband started a conversation and I told him that I did not say those things and I told him that I was concerned about the drinking of the whiskey. He claims that he wasn't. Another thing that came up is that he is jealous, an old high school friend of mine found me on face book and has been calling me catching up about what he has been doing and me too. He is married and has two kids and I told him that I was married with 4. Now in May it will be 20 years since I have seen or spoken to him. He drives a truck and sometimes comes threw town and wanted to meet up for lunch. I told husband I have given up all but two of my friends because of his jealousy but he has not had to give up anyone. I don't know if this friend will even stay in touch for long but I want to visit with him. He dated one of my close friends in school. I told husband he is just a friend and that is all he will ever be but he husband has an attitude.