Okay everybody, I'm having a pretty tough time as difficult child's sentencing approaches. I know intellectually, I know all the stuff. The detachment vs the enabling, the addiction vs the recovery, the behavior vs the actual person. I know all that in my head. But my heart. My heart is breaking. I pray I can be strong during court. I pray I can be strong for difficult child. My sole purpose in going is to give him my support - that doesn't feel like the right word. I want to be there for difficult child so he knows he's loved. That's the reason I'm going. To show him I love him. Watching an old rerun of NYPD Blue last night, one of the characters had this line of dialogue: "There comes a time when we can't help those we love the most. And if we can't accept that, then we can't show them we love them, at all." That's it, in a nutshell. I cannot help him. I can only show him that I love him. This morning as I get ready for work, those lines of dialogue are running on a loop in my head. ....can't help those we love the most......if we can't accept that....we can't show them....we love them...at all... Constant loop. And I'm praying, praying in my heart. And on my drive to work, a hawk flies up from the side of the road right next to my car. So close I can count his tail feathers. And I give a silent 'thank you' And a few miles later.......I hear a beautiful bird song, and yes, there perched on the telephone line...a Cardinal. And I give another "Thank you", this one out loud. Thank you, Universe, for letting me know I am not alone.