Welcome Spyrose

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by slsh, Oct 28, 2008.

  1. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Hi Spyrose and welcome! Love your name! ;) I'm copying your post to a new thread to make sure all the members see it.

    Hello, I am new to this board. I also have an ADD/ODD son - he is 14 and a handful. Even though he isn't a "bad" kid, he has no fear of anyone and will argue with anyone about anything. He has been on Focalin (max dose) for about a year now, but I can tell it may need to get changed soon. Without the medications he is impossible to be around. He is always angry, loses his temper over every little thing, lies, gets sneaky, loses everything (clothes, shoes, homework, Ipods)... the medications help a little controlling the ODD, but not fully. I know teens are moody anyways, but this is more than that. We have tried two therapists - the first one didn't help at all - she seemed to empower him (this was before he was diagnosed or on medications), the second one seemed bent on it being a "family" problem and would have group sessions instead of talking to him alone. He seemed to enjoy alone time with the therapists so he could complain about us. Once the therapist mentioned that he may need some social skill training, he refused to talk to him anymore. He only has one friend - and that goes day by day. He prefers to find ways around doing things instead of just doing them and getting it over with (homework). He's given out personal info online, used filty language on IM's, had his cell phone taken away and yet he never seems to learn from his mistakes. He's been difficult his whole life, but when he got to 6th grade things really went downhill. He refuses to use checklists or even try to adapt to his ADD - he says he wants a cure, not to have to adapt. We take things away and he just says he doesn't care. I have lost all patience with him and he knows how to push the buttons. I am not sure where to go next -- I think he needs to see a therapist to get some social skills training -- he has NO respect for anyone and thinks that he is the only person who is right. If you catch him doing something - it is never his fault - usually he turns it back on you. He's getting older and not growing out of this as I thought he might as he matured, so I am at a loss where to go next. He is ripping the family apart and I can't deal with this for another 4 years or so until he's had enough of our "unreasonable" rules and moves out. Any advise???

    If you check out our FAQ forum (lower right side of screen) you'll find instructions on how to fill out your signature and also some information about our abbreviations.

    Again, welcome! I'm sure folks will be along with welcomes and suggestions soon!
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Spyrose (cool name)
    Glad you found us but sorry your 14 year old is struggling so much. Who diagnosed the ADHD/ODD?

    If you haven't had him seen by a neuropsychologist and a child psychiatrist I really recommend it. The two together should give you some good insight.

    Teenagers are hard (I have a 15 year old who isn't my difficult child giving me a hard time. Just want you to know you aren't alone and we are here for you.
  3. Feeling Helpless

    Feeling Helpless Oldie but Goodie

    Just a quick welcome and you have definitely found the right place. This can be the only sane place sometimes in an insane world we live in. Love your name also. Does it have special meaning to you?
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hello, Spyrose! I just wanted to add my welcome- I second Sharon (Wiped Out)'s recommendation. Also, your difficult child is a little older than the book was written for, but The Explosive Child has been helpful for me in dealing with my son. I tweaked the method- actually, I just go based on the concepts, but it has made a difference for us.
  5. spyrose

    spyrose New Member

    Thank you all for your welcomes ... it is nice to vent in a place where people know exactly what you are going through. When I try to explain some of the things he does to coworkers, they say "oh it's just the teen years"... but I know/ knew that was not the case.

    He was diagnosed about a year ago with ADD-Innattentive by XXXXXXX Associates in Providence. They are suppose to be the best in the area. They did not want to officially diagnose the ODD until there was more "proof" (there was nothing in his school file about his defiance with teachers). The hope was that once medicated for the ADD, the ODD symptoms would lessen/go away. For the most part while the medications are in him the arguing IS better, it's the evening as the pills start to wear off that things can get heated. I do see him trying to control it sometimes - which makes me think that he really doesn't have control over it. I ordered some books on ADD to see if I can try to understand what he is going through. I am very organized and can't even imagine losing anything or forgetting to do things. I'm sure he is frustrated, but we are too. Somedays he makes a hard effort - and it shows. Other days it's like he purposely defies just to make us mad.

    The name - it's a mesh of two things I like - a Spider and a Rose.

    (medical professional's name edited out by tiredmommy)
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Welcome spyrose! :)
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Welcome Spyrose

    I'm glad you found us also. It can be such a hard time with teenagers period without adding in medication's and everything else. Sounds like you have done so much already. I just wanted to add that I myself have an unruly teenager without even a diagnosis of any sort. There was never a need to evaluation. her. What you wrote sounds so similiar to her. Teenagers can be so very taxing on our patience, so unlike when they are young.

    I"m not sure I totally understood, is he currently in any type of therapy? Also lately I've been looking into group therapy for my difficult child who will be 10 and also has about one friend, maybe two at best. Have you ever tried that approach? Not family sessions, those are good also yet his own peers kids his age with similar issue. Maybe that would help him understand that he isn't the only one and that in order to get anywhere he has to learn to take responsibility for himself.

    Just a thought.

    welcome again