Well.... guess the signs keep pointing to father is better.. not a dream

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Oct 13, 2013.

  1. Confused

    Confused Guest

    After their father came my son wanted to spend night w him and he's upset father left. Now he says he be there all time cuz his father has a new baby and he wants to meet him. Well, father is not making oldest boys see him but is my daughter. My son in tantrum now because I washed his hair and he kept asking me to look at his behind if he had "diarrhea" ..He said look do I have any? A dot? A little? Kept asking over and and over like he wasnt happy with the first time I answered no. He keeps asking questions over and over, even trying to rearrange them until he gets an answer he likes.

    My dream was them coming but he did actually came and I am actually having problems with the neurologist all sudden they want actual card, certificate, new referral. Y didnt they tell me this a month ago? Referral lasts 6 months really what are they pulling? The answering service said this is not the first time they done this to someone because they have received the other call too

    At this point.. their father has a job, married, stable, all sudden no cheater, no violence with this relationship and he claims all he does is smoke cigarettes.( after 25 years of it) Plus he says he can do a better job and they have chores there and he will make them do it because they will want to do it with him!!! ( I do have rules and chores but ha) Yes, I feel sorry for myself because I have been single many years, ( but yet how could I have trust a man I believe 98% men cheat ..,violent, controlling, well at least to me), I did want more kids( ok well, before 30 cuz after that no way I could carry or keep up with lil ones) . He ruined my life , my relationships, my kids life, he was "when he felt like being a dad" and now its like a brand new man, perfect everything and yes, i hate that. Why him? No, Im not jealous of her I dont want him. Hes in his careers he wants too, Im not :( I see my kids different than their half brothers, and I just see its me.. no matter what u say.

    Well, it seems as I was so close to get help and now so far again. As their dad says his family is not violent and never diagnosed with anything its my moms fault and mine but he will grow out of it. Maybe hes right I mean his oldest boys dont seem to have any issues, I also watched them and oldest was quite but now he just likes to talk! Youngest had a few issue tantrums ( not really violent) as toddler but quickly grew out of them. I been around them since oldest was a baby. I mean, even tho I have other witness ( my family witnessed with one in particular of his family member- they were the victim, and been told of their violence and his family tell me violence runs in the family, cheating, controlling, drinking, plus my kids father arrest record, plus the way my ex threatened some of my ex friends :(

    Bless you all and you all will always be in my thoughts and prayers. You are all angels ( esp putting up with me)
  2. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Thats why I didnt say 100% :) Glad your a true man. Good luck to you and your family. And no need to apoligize, and yes, some woman can be the same way.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Confused, do not doubt yourself. You have done a great job. I don't think you need to send your kids to live with their father unless that's what you want to do. This is not your fault; not a parenting issue. But I've told you that before. Hugs :)
  4. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Violent people don't just change without therapy or medications and lots of work.
  5. Castle Queen

    Castle Queen Warrior in training

    You need to keep the appts you have set up for your son. I can assure you Dad won't. Living with his dad is not going to change the fact he has issues and needs help, no matter how "stable" a parent he may seem at the moment. Let him have a little vacay with Dad and get a break for yourself- but do keep fighting for him. He needs you.
  6. Confused

    Confused Guest

    So thats weird- that man deleted his account? I didnt think we could delete.. I am debating on deleting my account here too. You all are wonderful and a blessing- angels on the net!! ( but Im going back to its all my fault, Im wasting everyone's time who does need help)Im just repeating the same issues over and over here.

    MidwestMom, I will always blame and doubt myself. My neighbor just made a comment of us yelling over here.. yes, I wont deny it. After 5 years, ya, we do yell. Yes wrong. Anyways no I dont want them with their dad but everything I say or do is wrong to/for them. My daughter and I yikes the last few days too.

    Liahona, well, he says he can handle it because no problems over there and maybe he did change.. maybe he went for help and just didnt tell me? Saying he wasnt violent anyways, it was all the other woman, granite they did hit him too.

    Castle Queen, suposedly they are still willing to see him without the stuff but by second visit they want it. They said they see him last time and sent us away cuz we didnt have father social. Praying they dont send him home again in the am. But boy the office is horrible there. They still need to send my son out for help somewhere else cuz the ODD/Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) other if any possible issues. Vacay.. no, its school and dad lives in another state. They always act worse when they come back cuz dad lets them do whatever.

    Neurospych ahhahaha.. nope I cant get him to see any of them here so far.. they said a clinical Psychiatrist can evaluation and help..and stick with neurologist to help w adhd.. ugggh. But Im l debating on everything
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Confused I apologize. I have not followed your posts since I have issues to focus on at home BUT although I may be completely wrong due to lack of details I honestly (based on experience) don't think that you need to feel diminished if your Ex is doing well and is able to open his heart. (Qualified response because I don't KNOW he has an open heart as I have not been following your story!)

    One thing I do believe, however, is that there are times whe difficult child's do better with one parental unit than another. If you REALLY believe that his Dad "may be" able to provide a less chaotic environment don't let your personal issues prevent that from happening. In my experience there are certain times when difficult children respond best to parenting from the Mom and then there are times when the parenting from a Dad "can" help build character and strength. I fully understand that it may "seem" to be a wrong choice to transfer a child from one parent to another BUT so long as you can feel comfortable with a transition...consider it. Don't worry about what others may think or say. Analyze the situation and go for what seems best for your child. Sometimes a different age or level of maturity dictates that a change "may" be a good thing. Don't concern yourself with what others may think of your choice. Follow you heart and your knowledge. DDD
  8. Confused

    Confused Guest

    DDD, No worries :) Everyone incl U have been wonderful to me!!!! As for their dad, he has been an Alcoholic, abuser towards woman and men, womanizer, etc....the only rules he has is to shower and clean up after themselves.( those are good rules) His answer is the belt if anything goes wrong. He allows them to watch R movies, including sexual content, always talks bad about me and his first mother of his kids in front of the kids ( talked bad when here) and has even told his oldest kids, one of his ex wives kids were dead ( they werent). He also will give kids alcohol, (not ours cuz I put it in courthouse paper) and is an occasional father, even when in same town. Plus he teaches prejudice to the kids( that he just said the other day so that hasnt changed). He tells me to tell the kids Happy birthday etc...he wont unless the mood strikes him. All this for 25 years. Plus, a couple of his friends I dont trust with our kids... too many comments on teens. And their father sees nothing wrong with it. He says the one particular man is still visiting him.. uggh. So all sudden, in two years he does none of the above he claims. Well, of course he denies most of it anyway. So thats why Im wandering if he really changed or not. No counseling for father ever as he claims, ( but as much as he use to lie, what if he did get help or knows he has issues) just several jail times and not getting caught.

    I want to believe it this time, I really do for all his kids sake.Thats why I said its like hes a brand new man. I know people can change if they want to.... like me.But I know certain disorders you need help. Drama here is what my son starts at half to most of the time :( I know my son does act like this with his father once he gets comfortable again, but maybe even if he acts that way, he will still be happier? I want both my kids here of course, I just feel like I have let them down. Maybe I have listened to their dad, my gpa and that one counselor too much. I am the type of person to let myself get walked on and believe the first putdown.

    Im not jelous of her, Im jealous of the fact.. maybe shocked that an abusive man, a father when he feels like , can find love or whatever, and I cant. Theres no way I would want him or any of my exes back. Kinda that saying been there done that not going back thing lol. I used to believe I was a great or at least a good person, I saw the good in everyone even if they have bad. I always tried fixing every bodies relationships,friendships etc. I treat others how I want to be treated, respect care, concern. So in my heart back then, I never had a doubt who I was, I knew I was good mom etc. Now I just listen to everyone. I dont stand up for myself either, so another reason I believe its me. I know I have messed up and made mistakes as a person and a mom. My kids are my life
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Someone on this board, I believe, has this statement or something like it in their sig:
    "We did the best we could with what we knew, and when we knew better, we did better."

    Move forward. Your kids ARE your life... but they are not your entire future. You may be hurt and hurting, but that doesn't change who the real YOU is. You need to find yourself again, but that doesn't mean giving up on your kids. Go back and listen to yourself in your post above.