Well here is the update...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Coookie, Oct 9, 2008.

  1. Coookie

    Coookie Active Member

    Hi Family,


    I haven't been here in quite awhile. I am now Managing my own store at the Airport and have been working 10 to 12 hour days, getting organized and stuff. I had thought about posting frequently but sometimes the things going on seemed just too overwhelming and not typing about them even assisted me in staying detached. Built a little bubble for myself and it seems to work. For the most part. :alien: Don't know if that makes sense or not. :sad-very:

    Since I last posted this has been what has been happening in the life of my difficult child:

    2 speeding violations, car towed to the impound lot, the totalling of his car, pregnant girlfriend and the termination of the pregnancy, firing from his job for theft, out of the house, no job and living who knows where. He is presently awaiting a court appearance for the theft and faces possible jail time.

    Needless to say my heart is in a million little pieces and the strain on husband and I has been immense. We are doing ok though. Thank goodness for my job.

    I'm doing a lot of headshaking these days. I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that even though difficult child has had many good things, good people, opportunities, in his life... he always chooses the wrong way.:(

    He will be 21 in March. Legal drinking age. Can't wait to see what he does with that. :faint:

    husband and I celebrated our 19th anniversary last month, the day after the stocks took a dive and we lost thousands so it wasn't a good anniversary but we have made up for it. :D

    Sooooo that is how it is at the Coookie House. I no longer eat Oreo's (as much) I have switched to Chocolate Chip..... MMMMMMMMMMMM

    I check in frequently, to see how things are going and even though I don't post, I do pray for you all, and your difficult children.

    Sometimes life just S**** but there is always a light somewhere. :D

    I love you guys.

  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    All I can do is shake my head along with you and say Im sorry. You did your best and now he will face what is next. Sigh. These boys. Double sigh.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hey, Rob, thanks for checking in. I often wonder about you. I really thought Chad was gonna make it for a while...I'm so sorry it hasn't happened that way.

    Good to hear about your store, tho, and that things are good with husband. What kind of store do you manage?
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Just shaking my head too. A shame. You did your very best by him. Now it's up to him. Stinks major though when they keep making the same ole bad choices time after time.

    Glad your store is doing well. In this current economy that really means alot. I hope it keeps going well and is a constant source of joy and pride.

    Thanks for the update. :D

  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    Sorry to hear he is making poor choices. You and husband have done all you could. Hopefully he will mature more and make better choices soon.

    Many hugs,

  6. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Heading shaking down here in the South too. Sorry he continues to make bad choices in his life. The good news is the by 25 most male brains mature in the areas of impulsivity and making connections between choices and consequences. Hopefully he makes it unscathed to 25.
  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Hey Robby, it's nice to see you.

    Did difficult child steal from the store across from yours at the airport? :wildone: My Rob usually picked places to steal from that were really humiliating...like burglarizing our next door neighbors' home on several occasions...that kind of thing.

    It sure sounds as if he's stuck in some kind of "perpetual adolescence" with all of these stupid actions. Hopefully something will smack some sense into him one of these days.

    I'm glad to hear that you and husband are firmly holding onto each other.

  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I've wondered how you all were, Robbie. I'm sorry that things took a turn to the south. I hope you will be able to find some time for yourself & husband. Working to keep your mind off of your troubles helps, but it sounds as though you need something more to ease your mind. {{{{{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}}}
  9. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm so sorry that things have gone so downhill for your son. He made his choices and he's the one who will have to live with them. It is definitely time for you to really study detachment 101. HE is responsible for his actions. You gave him every tool possible. He chose to not use those tools. The guilt is on him. You should be proud of how hard you worked to try to help him. You fought long and hard. It is time for him to start fighting to save himself.

    Congrats on your anniversary and so sorry about the financial losses.
  10. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    hey Rob, thanks for letting us know what's up. SORRY it's such sad news for difficult child. Your explaination of not typing things out as they happened made perfect sense to me. Sounds like you are having success in Detatchment, and NOT blaming yourself! I'm so proud of you for that!!

    Glad to know you're a lurker, and we have your ongoing prayers & good thoughts. Sending prayers & hugs back at you, hoping for the best.

  11. Coookie

    Coookie Active Member

    Your replies brought tears, and many memories. Not bad tears just warm ones. :D To answer your question Shari, it is a Sterling Silver jewelry store with many one of a kind pieces, we also sell purses, glassware, and a variety of Canvas Art. I keep telling husband if there is a recession it sure isn't in my store because we have been going over our monthly budget for the last few months. :D

    In answer to your question Suz, yes it was the store directly across from mine. Apparently the ***'t Manager showed difficult child ways to pocket money on cash returns. She is charged with a felony and he with a misdemeanor as his theft was less than $250. He admitted to it, they had no real proof so at least he was honest.... too bad he didn't start out that way. :(

    It is like a family at the airport. Everyone knows everyone, talks to everyone, and although difficult child worked for a different parent company, everyone knew he was my son ... walking into the airport the next day was very difficult for me. I got a lot of support though. Even from the police. They know me, and they liked difficult child and the overwhelming comment was... "He did a stupid thing and hopefully he will learn from it."

    It happened at the same time I was being promoted so I went to my GM and gave him the opportunity to withdraw the offer. He looked at me and said, "Are you nuts?" Nicest words I had heard in a long time. :D

    Self-sabotage is a trait that my difficult child has had for....ever. I keep hoping, each time, that he won't shoot himself in the foot...and so far...each time he has, but he is his own person and that is something I have accepted. He is not an extension of husband and I. His own person with his own choices and his own consequences. I have come a long way.

    We all know the lasting pain in a mothers heart though and some days are better than others. :(

    I really meant it when I said I love you guys. We have been through a lot together. I guess I was hoping at some point he would "outgrow" it.... but he hasn't.

    Well, off to the shower and another day at the airport. ;) Saw Prince the other night. He comes in the checkpoint right next to my store. He is really a tiny guy and I love the Fedora.. LOL

    I will keep "lurking", sending hugs and praying... and I will post when possible. Some ties never are broken.

  12. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Hi Cookie,
    Great to hear from you. I myself only check in once in awhile also to see how everyone is doing, and I'm glad to hear that even though your difficult child hasn't made much progress, you are living your life as best you can and keeping your head above water. I know it helps so much to get through this when you have wonderful people in your life who support you, no matter what!!!

    You go girl!!
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hey cookie,

    OMG you put yerself in a bubble? I want a picture! :tongue: You work at an airport?? DO YOU HAVE A Pilots license? Can you fly to me? I'll bake you chocolate chips. ;)

    Does your store have a web site or catalog for these trinkets of silver? Do you engrave? (I have ulterior motives in asking) I've been engraving for over 28 years. I have 1/2 of a machine - lol....long story.

    I am so sorry to hear about your difficult child....Dude too - I told BBK it's like he took the train to jerksville :mad:and never left. He also is a felon, :angry-very:now facing 15 years....nice huh- all before he was 18....

    So someday if the bubble is a little crowded - it could be me looking for a safe haven.
  14. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

  15. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Guess it's hard to resist the temptation when your boss does it, too. I can't believe she was stupid enough to admit to someone else what she was doing. Sadly, I can understand him following her lead. I know it doesn't excuse what he did -- stealing is stealing -- but at least he didn't do it on his own and he was honest enough to admit to it immediately. As strange as it sounds, I chalk this up more to stupidity, lack of impulse control and youth more than I do a criminal mind or even criminal intent. I hope the DA and judge see it my way, too.

    I'm so glad everyone is in your corner on this one. You've worked hard for your promotion and it would have been stupid for you to not get it. Congrats!
  16. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Hi Cook, it's lovely to see you. Congratulations on the promotion. You are amazing. I'm sure the GM saw your optimism and willingness to work hard.
    Glad you and husband are holding on to each other. We have to keep the good things in our life precious.
    difficult child's tend to keep doing what they do on a different level as they age. Hopefully some maturity will kick in in the future.
    In the meantime, I hope you and husband live large. Spend the inheritance. LOL.
  17. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear that difficult child is still making GFGish choices. I think you're right that this is probably self-sabotage. I'm glad that your boss recognizes it for the stupid behaviour it is. As others have already said, they are his choices not yours, and you need to detach from them because they don't reflect on you.

    Congratulations on your promotion, and glad that you and husband are remaining close.

  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Congrats on the promotion. I am glad your GM didn't retract the offer - you are probably his best employee!!

    I am so sorry that difficult child embarrassed you like that. But now you KNOW that you have people at work who support you no matter what!

    Many many hugs.

  19. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Hi Robby! I missed you and and had wondered how you were getting along! I'm so glad you stopped by and updated us. I'm sorry that he still isn't making better choices, but hopefully, in time, he will catch on that he's making a regular habit of shooting himself in the foot! I don't condone what he did, but he did admit it, and it would be even harder to resist if the store manager was leading him in to it! When my son worked in an auto parts store he had a similar situation. Expensive parts that had been brought back to the store to be exchanged were 'disappearing' from the store before they could be returned to the manufacturer. My son worked the afternoon shift and was the one who closed up the store at night - the store manager accused my son of taking the parts! He didn't! It got really ugly and the store manager threatened to file charges against my son if he didn't resign. He quit and went to work for a competitor and lots of the customers followed him there! He was sooo glad to get out of there! The thefts at the store continued. Months later he heard that the STORE MANAGER (the one who had accused him) had been fired for taking the returned parts home and selling them to his friends for whatever he could get for them! You just never know!

    And congratulations on your promotion! It sounds like you've done a really good job of detaching and moving on with your life. You've done everything you could possibly do for your son and then some. You devoted your life to him and gave him a solid foundation, more than most kids will ever have. The only thing you can't do is live his life for him and make his choices for him. That part is up to him and sadly, all you can do now is stand by and watch. Hopefully, one of these days, he will wake up and see what he is doing to himself.
  20. Coookie

    Coookie Active Member

    Suz, thank you for the link. Sometimes I think we (me especially) forget that everyday is a new one and change can come. That was a great thread. :D

    Star, Our parent company has a website with a picture of my store on it. We don't personally because many of our pieces are one of a kind and it would be difficult to maintain. I will pm you with the site. I think the way my buyer does it is to go across country and find things. Not sure of her process but she is very good. :D

    Fran, once again you cracked me up... "Spend the inheritance". LOL ;) That is just what we are doing.

    difficult child called his dad and is coming over today to use the computer. "Apply for unemployment and checkout getting a grant to attend school". I will be at work but I certainly hope he is considering school. Lord knows it would be a good idea. His court date is on 11/7 and like I said, we don't know what will happen.

    Either way he was told that he will have to deal with it himself. We just can't do it anymore.

    Well, off to the shower and then to work. I gave myself tomorrow and Tuesday off so I will spend some of that time catching up with you all.

    Thank you for being here .... :D

    Many hugs.