What does depression feel like?

[wakeupcall]

No, I don't stay in bed. Yes, I laugh, maybe once a week. I take an antidepressant, but I still feel so SAD. I miss my mom (deceased four years ago), I miss my friends (dumped me after Mom died), difficult child is almost impossible to live with (truly), and would you believe.....I'm not so sure I want to continue to live with husband (we've been married 37 years). I've felt like this for a very, very long time. It doesn't seem to be leaving me. Someone please tell me it's a passing thing.............. :frown: and what can I do to get it OUT of here?

 

[Suz]

Pamela, I can't tell you it's a passing thing. You are worried enough about it to post. If you thought it was going to pass you wouldn't have been worried enough to post.

You are describing the sadness, the numbness, the hopelessness, and the inertia that depression brings. You aren't in bed - you are one of the walking wounded instead.

My best advice would be for you to call your doctor and tell him/her that the AD you are taking isn't working and you need to have it adjusted or changed. It is not unusual for medications to become ineffective or need a boost. I'm sure you know this from your experience with your difficult child.

I understand. I've been where you are. Big, gentle hugs to you.

Suz

 

[pigless]

Hi, Pamela. You don't have to be lying in bed for days on end to still be depressed. Is your regular doctor prescribing the anti-depressant or a psychiatrist? psychiatrists know more about them than gen. practitioners. You may need to try a different one.

I imagine that life with your son is difficult and draining. My son was the one who sent me to the psychiatrist for the first time. The big problem is that if you don't get yourself into a better frame of mind then it's even harder to deal with difficult child antics.

Have you even really had time to grieve for your mom with dealing with difficult child?

Do you have time to make new friends for yourself? Have you made time for therapy for yourself? Sometimes that can really make a difference when living with a difficult child.

 

[WhymeMom?]

I don't know your situation or what is happening in your life, but you sound lonely. Is there someone you can talk to? You can come here and sound off, but it doesn't give immediate feedback. Who prescribed the antidepressant? Can you talk to your husband? Do you have a hobby, or some interest outside your family? I know, just more questions and few answers.....there are people who care about your happiness....please find someone to talk to....

 

[wakeupcall]

No, no, and no. I go to a general practitioner, not a psychiatrist (yet). Who knows if I had time to grieve while handling my difficult child.....ya just do what ya have to do. There's no one who wants to be friends when I have a difficult child like I do. He's incorrigible. I've thought for some time that now I needed a psychiatrist, not only one for difficult child, but I'm about "doctored" out. He pushed me to the edge when I got an antidepressent in the first place....never had need for one before. I suppose a lot of it is his incessant verbal abuse, day after day after day after day after day after day after day.

 

[timer lady]

Pamela,

The day to day demands of our very challenging children sucks the very life out of most of us. I understand your isolation because of your difficult children antics. The friends I have left are here on the board; many I haven't met in person.

The drain on your personal relationships is extreme; on your personal well being exhausting.

I agree that it's time to check in & possibly get medications tweaked. I'd also consider seeing a therapist. Seriously, you need someone "safe" with whom you can talk, process all of this stuff. Someone objective & who you needn't fear of hurting feelings or meeting expectations.

You sound at the end of your rope & it's fraying. Time to start seeing you, taking care of you. Being gentle with yourself.

Take care & be gentle with yourself.

 

[DammitJanet]

Pamela,

I agree with the advice to see a psychiatrist and not just the general practitioner. I would also second the advice to look for a good therapist. I would never have believed how much good it would do to have that relationship with a really good therapist who you can trust to just dump everything on.

Like you, I dont have any real life local friends to talk to. I am very isolated in my home. I dont get out much at all so my contact is by phone or internet. I have a few good friends that I am lucky enough to call who really care about me. That helps. Some I have met here. Most actually...lol. Isnt that amazing.

Reach out to us...send PMs to those of us you think you might want to be friends with...that is how I made some really great friends!

Get those medications checked.

 

[dreamer]

Maybe you could get husband to handle mornings with difficult child and take on a part time job and maybe that would help you meet people, and make some money of your own and give your self esteem a little boost and give you a social outlet?
I know it might sound like oh gosh,. I do not feel like it..but it might be a step in a positive direction, giving you a peice of life just for yourself.

 

[Hound dog]

I think it would be a good idea for you to see a psychiatrist for medications and a therapist for someone to talk to, too. Nothing wrong with that. No one said raising difficult child's was easy work.

The antidepressant you're taking may not be the one for you, or you may need a different dosage. As far as the therapist goes, all of us need someone we can unload onto without fear of being judged.

The need to take care of yourself is just as important as taking care of difficult child's needs.

Be good to yourself.

(((hugs)))

 

[AliceLee]

Pamela, I have struggled with depression on and off for years. I didn't stay in bed all day, either. I tend to have trouble sleeping soundly---wake up at 4 and can't go back to sleep cause I'm worrying.

For me, depression is a time of general sadness. When I'm depressed, I cry at the drop of a hat, and am generally negative in my outlook on life. It's like I can't see the good in ANYTHING.

Maybe your doctor needs to up your dosage of medications, or switch to a different medication. It took psychiatrist & I several tries to find the one that worked best for me (also, some can negatively impact your libido, which didn't help my relationship with husband). After about 2-3 weeks of being on the right medications, I began to see the world in a much more positive light, and could find joy in small things again!

I weaned off of the medications about 2 years ago, and have not felt a need to go back on them. But I would not hesitate to go back to the psychiatrist for his opinion if I started feeling hopeless again...or if husband said he thought I seemed like I need them (sometimes others can see us more clearly than we can see ourselves).

Are you in therapy? I found an excellent therapist (again, took a few tries to find the right one)who has helped me tremendously. She helped me with self-condidence, and even had a women's group, which helped with learning to make new friends.

Hope this helps. It CAN get better!

 

[wakeupcall]

dreamer, I do work parttime. I work on-call as a office administrator for an investment company and support six offices. It gives me a little outlet, a bit of money, and I know I'm good at what I do. I just want to cry ALL the time. difficult child gets more impossible every day and I feel like all that has been done to help him for TEN freakin' years has done absolutely nothing for him...except put me in a position that I resent. Not sleeping is what got me on antidepressents in the first place. I wake up a million times in the night.

I really appreciate you all for trying to help. I love being a part of this board.

 

[flutterbee]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: PamelaJ</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I've felt like this for a very, very long time. It doesn't seem to be leaving me. Someone please tell me it's a passing thing.............. :frown: </div></div>

In my case, sometimes depression just comes and goes...purely biological. Sometimes, situations exacerbate it or bring it on...more situational. But when it comes and stays, it's time to seek help. I've experienced all of the above for well over half my life.

The longer depression goes untreated, the harder it becomes to treat. Your brain basically becomes trained to think and react in certain ways. The brain of a depressed person is typically going to think and react more pessimistically than that of a non-depressed person. In other words, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy if left untreated. medications and cognitive behavioral therapy are widely agreed to be the best form of treatment for depression.

I'm truly sorry that you are struggling with this.

 

[wakeupcall]

I hate it when that happens......husband got home from work yesterday and I dissolved into a puddle. difficult child is getting worse and worse in his treatment toward me and I couldn't take it anymore. !@#%%$@#&^^**$#@. You'd think I'd be getting stronger with this, wouldn't you? At any rate, I told husband how horrible difficult child is treating me again and that I just don't tell him (husband) about it. (If I do, then it's the both of them screaming around..) So, I've made a few steps toward ending this in some way. I made myself a doctor's appointment to tell her that the AD's aren't working for me any longer. I hope she'll give me something else. I've been on Wellbutrin for about three years now. We've made an appointment. with his teacher for a conference to see if difficult child's attitude is any better or worse, or somewhere inbetween. In another week difficult child has a medication check and, once again, I need to tell her that his verbal aggression is horrid and he needs to be put back on Risperdal. Over the years that's the only thing that helps. We keep trying to do without it because none of his doctor's like it much because of the side effects. Ay yai, yai......

 

[gottaloveem]

I'm sorry you are feeling down. I have no advice. Just hugs.

(((HUGS)))

 

[ScentofCedar]

Pamela, are you engaging in some kind of organized physical exercise on a regular basis?

Also, is it possible for you to take a class in something you enjoy ~ photography or painting, maybe?

When our difficult children become our primary focuses, our spirits suffer.

That is what I say, anyway.

We become depressed because, despite all the energy devoted to the difficult child, the situation does not resolve. There is always some other crisis brewing, and we begin to lose faith with ourselves, with our own sense of efficacy in the world. That is where learning a new skill comes in. Whether you choose dance or golf or photography, learning a new skill will often return a sense of control, of challenge well met and accomplishment to your life that will better enable you to survive the emotional battering life with a difficult child brings. (I picked ballet and then, karate? But you could do line dancing or belly dancing or ballroom dancing or Tai Chi or yoga, and the good effects would be the same.)

I think so many of us suffer from situational depression. (Only the "situation" never resolves!) Because the difficult child is not going to change, we need to change our own patterns, and make self nurturing a priority.

We have to learn how to open new facets of self in areas that have nothing to do with the difficult child.

I am sorry this is happening to you (and I feel even worse that it is happening to me (winks).

I hope you feel stronger soon.

Barbara

 

[SunnyFlorida]

Hi there. Don't usually get to this board as frequently as I'd like.
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Our lives with difficult child's are never ending. We make one step forward and then retreat 2 steps back. We all handle this differently. Plus...our heads say one thing and our bodies sometimes do another.

I agree that you should see a psychiatrist and a counselor. somebody for you. It's hard to case manage difficult child when one can't get their own emotions under control.

Scent of Cedar suggested exercise or outside activities. That's a good outlet besides your parttime job.

Don't give up. Try and tackle you for a while. You'll be surprised the energy you'll have to take care of difficult child.

 

[busywend]

Pamela, I think I recall in your profile that you had a son that passed away. I believe you adopted after that son died?

It is my belief that losing a child changes you to the core of your being. It is not natural and is not the way it is supposed to be.

Forgive if this seems rude, but at your age your body is telling you that your life should be more about you now. It is actually a natural progression - part of nature. It is what helps us deal with becoming empty nesters.
Could it be that your son died and you had an emptiness that needed to be filled which is why you adopted; Now you have another emptiness because it is your natural time to make life all about you? There does come a time in a woman's life when she no longer wants to take care of anyone else. I think this is a confusing time for their husbands as well. They are used to their wives being that caregiver. I think it comes back when we age and the need is there to care for our spouse.

I suggest to you that you need more 'me' time. I think you will have to be patient with your husband as he tries to figure out this new phase in your life.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

Pamela,

You have been given so much excellent advice already!!! I really can't think of much more to add. Even though others have already suggested physical activity, I want to mention it again. I manage to maintain my sanity through exercise. This has helped me so much that I wish everyone who doesn't have physical reasons for not being able to exercise, tried it!!!

I think you have to make it a part of your daily routine. I once read, (I can't remember the exact amount of time), that it takes about three months for a new activity to become a habit. I've been exercising for so long, its something I just automatically do everyday. I won't lie and say that there are days I don't feel like exercising, but it's the days when I don't want to exercise that I need it the most... On those days, I FORCE myself to do it. I look at it as self-survival...

I totally understand the toll a verbally abusive difficult child can have on you day after day after day... I'm managing to survive difficult child 2 because we're going to get him re-evaluated. If medications are suggested, we'll give them a try...

I'm also managing to survive difficult child 2 because husband got to hear one of difficult child 2's more nasty outbursts directed at me a while ago. Now husband is standing behind me 100% when it comes to difficult child 2's negative behavior and consequences as a result of his "garbage mouth", as we call it here.

I truly understand your pain... I also feel like my difficult children have sucked the life out of me. I feel like a big chunk of my life has been taken away from me...

I try to think about the future alot. I dream about the day when my difficult children will no longer be living with me... I don't think I would make it if I thought I would have to live with them forever...

Exercise isn't the end all - You've been given lots of other great advice too. I just wanted to let you know how much exercise has helped me.

Please continue to let us know how things are going. We care. Sending lots of cyber hugs!!! WFEN :flower:

 

[Kjs]

you are describing me and my life. However, did go to psychiatrist. On medication, don't feel any happier, worried about weight gain now. Nobody I have met have a difficult child. Nobody understands. I hear so many things. Actually lost it one time and told parents of a friend until they walk in my shoes, they cannot comment on our situation.
I am doctored out. Working full time, spending everyday off at doctor for something or therapy. everyday appointments, then phone calls from school to top it all off. I wish I could just go away for a while. Why can't husband take over?? Just for a little while.

 

[wakeupcall]

Ok, so I had a good cry and that helped for a day. husband stayed home till difficult child got on the bus on Fri. and difficult child "slipped" with his mouth a few times and husband was appalled. husband has never not believed me, but it's still different when he actually hears it. It's so exhausting to listen to someone demean you all the time, ya know? difficult child is a pro at that. I guess when you've tried everything you can think of for seven + years, you expect it to be a little bitty bit better...it's not. difficult child has started Lithium about 2 weeks ago, so maybe that'll be part of the answer. It's the first mood stabilizer, except for the Depakote that he couldn't take.

I really do try to do things for myself while difficult child's at school. This week I went shopping (and actually bought myself something), I went to the salon and got my hair all cut off (short)....{don't know why I was growing it out, I've always been told that short people need short hair!}, and I DO exercise by walking a total of 20 miles a week. I also made myself a doctor's appointment to get a physical and hopefully rethink my AD.

Thanks so much for the "attention" I get here. Sometimes that's all one gets, ya know? At least there are hundreds on here who really do understand.....not blood family, or neighbors, or co workers, etc.