Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Sep 25, 2010.
He loves school. He hates being out of school. Any suggestions as to what to tell him?
If he loves school, maybe this battle is best fought between the adults while he still continues to attend. If you are vigilant AND they are willing to learn you may be able to make it work. If his teachers/paras want to help Wee, but are lacking strategies (or knowing when to implement them), then I'd still be fighting for him to remain there. What does he love about school? Has he formed any positive relationships with staff and/or peers?
He has a very good relationship with the SpEd teacher and his mainstream teacher, as well as both paras.
One para worked with him most of last year, tho not all day. The two teachers are willing to work with him. Its the principal...she got mad at me for blaming the school when "they are trying", and instead of a teachable moment, she just clammed up and stared off into space, trying not to explode on me. She absolutely does not recognize what went wrong on Friday or the previous week's incident, therefore, its not her problem. And the problem lies in, when it happens again, she'll turn him in. Then where are we? I can't be there all the time to prevent it. I wish I could.
And maybe its time I just make that leap.
Shari, I will be honest here. I dont think it is going to help you one bit if you work or not. I didnt for more about half of Corys school life. Also homeschooling wont be a breeze either. I think you need to force these folks into sending him where he needs to be...a school that can handle him. Everyone knows it including their lawyer.
Gosh, part of me says let him go to school since he loves it and you don't want him to know how bad this ongoing battle is - and the other part of me says don't let him near the place.
What does your gut say?
Ask for a 1/2 hour, once a week meeting between you and Wee's paras/teacher. Go over each incident and discuss together where the breakdown occured and what strategies could have helped. Even though it isn't your job to train them, you might need to help them in this way. The more you can work with the people who care about Wee and leave the principal out of it-the better.
Shari - I'm with- Sharon. What does your gut instinctually tell you? Go with that.
Personally, I wouldn't send him. I think it's inevitable that there will be a repeat, and principal has made it pretty doggone clear what his response is going to be. It's unacceptable and in my humble opinion potentially very harmful for difficult child - what kind of a ridiculous message is being sent to him? At the ripe old age of 8, when the adults around him cannot keep it together enough to help him, *he's* going to be in jeopardy of arrest? Nope - I wouldn't send him.
If you do decide to keep him home, I'd tell Wee that the adults at school need some additional instruction/training in order to be able to help him learn and until they are ready, it's best that Wee hang out with- you. It's honest and I think Wee would understand it. It also hopefully would convey to Wee that the adults at school are interested in helping him (maybe a bit of an overstatement, but I see no harm in trying to reassure him of the adults' intentions).
If I didn't work, I could go to school and be his para. Its not my job and I don't want to be the one that does it, but it might be better than the alternatives I'm looking at right now.
Sharon, my gut says it will happen again. It also says its going to break his heart to not go. Even if suddenly the paras and teachers get it and they don't make a major screw up, the likelihood that Wee will never have another meltdown at school is nil. And then we'll have juvie involved, and I can't think of anything about that is good - particularly cuffing him and hauling him off.
I've offered to train them. I've offered to do anything I need to do to help. I offered to quit my job if they would provide insurance and nothing more! The problem remains that regardless of what forward progress is being made, there will be screwups and principal "wont have that behavior in her building"...I believe she will turn him in again.
And I just can't see any way they can provide anything to me, at this point, that will make me trust that that won't happen. And that's what the issue boils down to. If I send my kid to school, he will end up in legal trouble. At the ripe old age of 8.
All because they were too cheap to build on the success from the early intervention preschool when he started kindergarten and provide him a 1:1 after the EIP got his behaviors under control. Congrats, SD. I warned ya.
Sue, you snuck in on me. lol Ironically saying much the same thing.
I have some things at work that I need to do, but I think I will work from home tomorrow and see what I can do about an attorney. I need to finish up the letter regarrding the two incidents...or maybe that's a moot point now? I don't know. No, I think I still need to write those. Only now the closing line will be that he won't be back. Or maybe the opening line. But he's still in their disctrict so they need to figure out what to do now to get him an education that doesn't inevitably put him in jail.
I hope the weather is nice today. I need to get outside.
Gosh, I don't know your situation well enough to really comment, but I think if it were my 8 year old I would not send him to school if there was a possibility of them calling the police on him. What on earth are they calling the police on an 8 year old for? I don't get that? Is that something they would normally do to any 8 year old child at that school? I can't really imagine calling in the police unless there was a child who brought in a weapon and was threatening people with it.
When my son was in Kindergarten, he swung his coat and bag at his teacher and got suspended for 3 days. I got it reduced to 1 day.
This year in 3rd grade, my son got into a physical altercation with another child in class and both were suspended for the rest of the day.
If they called the police on my child, I would take him out of there in a heartbeat!
How heartbreaking for you and your child. I'm sorry you are going thru this. (((HUGS)))
About calling the police - husband & I both think this is crazy, but then that isn't how it's done here, so having police involved unless there is a major crime, doesn't seem right here.
I still remember the outrage here over that video of the little girl who had the police called and who got handcuffed, because she had a meltdown in the classroom. The general consensus in Australia was, "There are so many things that could have been done before calling the cops, and there was NEVER a need for handcuffs!"
So please bear in mind, any advice I have for you is influenced by two things -
1) my horror that there could even be a risk of my child being handcuffed, merely for doing what any kid would under those conditions
2) my lack of understanding of a system that has any sort of regular police involvement in discipline issues.
I think it has got to the stage where this principal just wants Wee gone. But she also doesn't get that this is far more than simply a discipline issue and she is determined to "not give in" to either your "demands" or Wee's needs. This principal, in other words, has developed ODD. She is being oppositional because the circumstances have taught her to be; in order to keep some sense of self, and some sense of "I am supposed to be the one in charge here," she has clamped down on change and is determinedly refusing, oon principle, to listen to you, or to anyone who says, "You have done it wrong, you need to be doing it this way."
So no matter how much you really are trying to help, this principal is mentally shut down. Can't cope.
Time to go over her head so much that she feels she has athlete's scalp.
Do it now, do it hard, do it in writing. And focus on Wee's identified medially diagnosed needs not only not being met, but actively being discriminated against in preventing him to have access to the education that the law requires.In your letters make it clear that the staff who have been helpful and who are prepared to work with Wee, are NOT the problem here. The problem isn't even the principal - the problem is, you have a child whose needs are very specific and therefore the school needs to make a lot more accommodations to meet those needs. You need an education system that should support your son at a high level, in order to make it possible for the school to do their job. Push the law, push human rights and support those staff who are at least trying to learn. The rest - let them take whatever flak gets thrown their way by other people. The rope they'll get hung with is the rope they wove for themselves.
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