Hi,
I am new here. I found the link and when I read the "soft place to land." I immediately signed on. I am not the biological parent of the 12 yo that's being hmmm...my best teacher. I hope that doesn't exclude me from this group. However, I am living with her in a family setting. There are 3 of us: her father -- whom I am in a lifelong committed relationship with, his adopted daughter (the challenging one -- can I use just the first name?), and me. I would marry him except for I don't want to have to raise this ummmm...calling her a hellion doesn't seem nice so I won't.....on my own if he dies before I do. He's 61 and I am 56.
OK -- here's the vent: I am furious at this child!! She treats her father like (verbally and physically abusive), and that's what gets me the most. I don't put up with her BS -- I made that clear from the beginning. I don't treat her like that and expect the same from her. She wants my approval, so that's something. Over Christmas though, I became so angry at her that I don't want to even look at her or be in the same room with her. I am tired of trying to reach out to her! It does no good, and she's getting worse. She is totally narcissistic -- I truly don't think she even sees other people in any way other than what they/we can do for her. She manipulates, lies, steals, and is just plain out of control. A psychiatrist told her dad that she has ODD and that no medication is going to help that -- that the 2 of them need to be in therapy together and that they both need to want to. They did see a counselor that was supposed to be the best around and it was a freaking joke. This kid is brilliant and can pull off any guise she wants -- the therapist just didn't get it -- or maybe he didn't want to. Now the two of them are anti-counseling/therapy, and now they need it more than ever.
About a month ago, she killed her hamster. So now I'm wondering if the ODD is headed into CD.
Suggestions? Thank you so much,
Pam
I am new here. I found the link and when I read the "soft place to land." I immediately signed on. I am not the biological parent of the 12 yo that's being hmmm...my best teacher. I hope that doesn't exclude me from this group. However, I am living with her in a family setting. There are 3 of us: her father -- whom I am in a lifelong committed relationship with, his adopted daughter (the challenging one -- can I use just the first name?), and me. I would marry him except for I don't want to have to raise this ummmm...calling her a hellion doesn't seem nice so I won't.....on my own if he dies before I do. He's 61 and I am 56.
OK -- here's the vent: I am furious at this child!! She treats her father like (verbally and physically abusive), and that's what gets me the most. I don't put up with her BS -- I made that clear from the beginning. I don't treat her like that and expect the same from her. She wants my approval, so that's something. Over Christmas though, I became so angry at her that I don't want to even look at her or be in the same room with her. I am tired of trying to reach out to her! It does no good, and she's getting worse. She is totally narcissistic -- I truly don't think she even sees other people in any way other than what they/we can do for her. She manipulates, lies, steals, and is just plain out of control. A psychiatrist told her dad that she has ODD and that no medication is going to help that -- that the 2 of them need to be in therapy together and that they both need to want to. They did see a counselor that was supposed to be the best around and it was a freaking joke. This kid is brilliant and can pull off any guise she wants -- the therapist just didn't get it -- or maybe he didn't want to. Now the two of them are anti-counseling/therapy, and now they need it more than ever.
About a month ago, she killed her hamster. So now I'm wondering if the ODD is headed into CD.
Suggestions? Thank you so much,
Pam