When co-dependency rears its ugly head...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by gcvmom, May 27, 2009.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm learning to stand my ground or just leave the room. :tongue:

    husband went to see his sleep doctor today because he's still been tired on this CPAP machine. So they've ordered a BIPAP, whatever that is. Anyway, he asked me to go with him, so I did.

    The doctor asked if he's been dieting at all or exercising (nope). Said that his sleep will improve if he loses some of the 70 extra pounds he's lugging around. Told him he wants him on the "Jungle" diet: if you can't find it in the jungle, you can't eat it. Basically a simple way to remember what's okay to eat and not eat if you're trying to lose weight. No refined, processed foods. Lots of fruits and veggies. Lean meats. No juices. No bread, pasta or rice, etc. AND he told husband he needs to be exercising DAILY. Not once or twice a week. Told him to get a stationary bike, or at the very least go for a 1/2 hour brisk walk (since we live in a hilly area, he said that was even better).

    So husband's immediate response is to turn to me saying that I would have to go with him, and diet with him and.... To which the doctor says, "Uh-uh! None of that! No codependency cr@p! This is YOU doing it for YOU and nobody else. Don't drag her into this!"

    Well, I need to lose the weight, too, but I was glad he said that to him. Because on the way home, all husband could talk about was what his INCENTIVE would be to put himself through this dieting and exercise! Ummmm... how about living long enough to see your kids graduate from college? Or your grandkids? Nope, he wouldn't admit that those were important things. All he cares about is whether it translates into more sex for him!!! :faint: He has no idea how asinine he sounds, either.

    Then he started in on ME and how much weight I need to lose, and why aren't I exercising, and why don't I go on this diet. And he was mad at me for agreeing with the doctor's assessment of his weight!!! I should have been Switzerland and just kept my mouth shut. He is just having a hard time accepting reality and is looking for anyone but himself to put the responsibility on.

    Well, once we got home, and the "discussion" was obviously escalating rather than resolving, I just left to go grocery shopping (lots of good stuff from the produce aisle!) and get the kids from school.

    He was settled down a bit when I got back. Sheesh. He really is a nut job sometimes. :laugh:
    Last edited: May 28, 2009
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sheesh. I am glad the doctor spoke up too. Losing weight is so hard but it is especially difficult if you try to attach losing that weight onto your spouse and whether they are losing any. You have to do it for yourself or not at all. If you start saying to yourself...well wifey/hubby isnt going with me on my walk or they are having a bowl of ice cream so I might as well do...xyz...you are sunk.

    I know...been there, done that, have the tee shirt and got the weight back...lol. So I had to buy bigger tee shirts!

    Oh...tell husband that he will live longer to have more sex if he loses weight and he will also have a longer winky! Its been proven that winky's grow when you lose weight...lol. (Another incentive!)
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    :rofl: Yeah, he wants to hear me say how awesome and perfect I will make our sex life IF he does X. Sorry pal, it's not all up to me! And it's not cool to try to leverage that part of your relationship -- but he just doesn't get that. Don't know if he ever will. Some people are just never happy with their lives no matter what they have going on. There's always some unattainable aspect they're searching for.

    Did I ever mention that he could do with a few decades of therapy? :p
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well....lets see...70 pounds...your kids are how old? Youngest is 10...hmmm that is 8 more years at least.

    Ok honey, lets plan on that really nice second honeymoon to the Bahama's with you in that sexy swimsuit when we lose all our weight...oh in 8 more years! I promise you a glorious week of passion and fun! We can save our change in a jar for this.
  5. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Glad the dr stood up for you. So often they don't. They just try and get the patient to to what they want and throw whatever they can at you.

  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Yeah, RIGHT. You're forgetting this is Mister Lack-Of-Impulse-Control a.k.a. Sir IWANTITRIGHTNOW. :tongue: Whatever.

    He'll lose the weight if he wants to. And I'm not going to even attempt to influence or control that or make promises to do anything or not do anything because it's None Of My Business!
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL....I swear...He looks so calm and sane! (Dont forget I need more pics)

    Is he coming to OH or are you coming alone, I forget? I could probably talk his ears off...lmao.
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Oh GOD, NO! He is staying put and watching the kids -- MY turn to play! :D

    Yes, I will send more pics...

    And as for him looking calm and sane -- I think Totoro inspired my next t-shirt:

    I can't be crazy.
    I look too normal.
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I too am glad the doctor told him he is responsible for himself!
  10. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    GVC...you amaze me sometimes. I'm glad you realize that he's the one in control of things and that you arent' the one responsible for his actions and know just when to put him in his place. So many woman make that mistake. You go girl! I like your style!
  11. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Thanks Loth, but it took me about 15 years to figure that part out. Better late than never, huh?
  12. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Yikes, ya the "discussion" would have DEFINITELY escalated for me the moment he started talking about how much weight "I" need to lose!!!

    Good for you for letting husband own his health.

  13. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Well, looks like he's channeling his fear of dieting, or maybe anger over what the doctor (and I) said, and is embracing his new "Jungle" diet. He skipped his usual peanut butter toast for breakfast and took a hunk of watermelon and some cherries with him to work this morning. Not sure what he ate for dinner last night -- I left for LNO dinner with my friends after I made dinner for the kids (pasta with cheese sauce, broccoli and shrimp -- good for them, not so much for husband) and he was still outside doing yardwork.

    Time will tell...