when he has given up

[guest3]

My difficult child I has just given up. He has ADD/Learning Disability (LD). We moved here last summer to remove him from a very "negative enviroment" and it has back fired as he found the small negative population here. He has failed school for the year. He is disrespectful to me and teachers and other family members. He wants to drop out of school. He beats on difficult child II terribly and I am worried it will become another problem with DYFS. He has no motivation to get a job and refuses to do so. I am paying his $1600.00 in fines from his graffiti spree. I am so exhausted by difficult child II and all of his nuclear problems that I am totally overwhelmed. D/H literally wants to throw him out, but I know evil M/L will just come in and "save the day" and take difficult child I in and enable him even further

Leaving on a jet plane...........

 

[Sunlight]

give him to mother in law and let her havea go at it. my mother in law tried and threw out ant. after she spent a ton of money enabling him.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Is there a way you can it ordered for him to get a job?

HE should be paying those fines. Not you.

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

Really sorry about your situation.

in my humble opinion the others are right -- don't pay that fine. Let m/l do her worst: then he'd be out of your house, not beating up difficult child II, no longer your problem. What do you have to lose?

 

[kris]

<span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #663366"> why are you paying his fines. he did the deed so he should be making the payments. if he refuses to get a job then he'll have to deal with-the consequences of non~payment.

i know you don't mean to but you are enabling him. he needs to accept the natural consequences ~~~ hit bottom ~~~ before he will be motivated to make changes.

kris </span> </span> </span>

 

[SunnyFlorida]

There have been many posts about parents "moving" because of their kids. Many times the problems don't go away because the difficult child's just get attracted to new difficult child's. Basically the difficult child and the problem move with you.

difficult child really should be paying his fines. His PO might be able to get through to him.

I guess I'm with the "if M/L wants him....why not let her try and work with him". What have you got to lose? Bottom line is if he is successful....that's the goal (it really doesn't matter who he lives with or where...just that he is successful)

 

[DDD]

I agree with Sunny. Let him go and see what happens. He is not
making progress at home and worse yet, evidently, he is getting
away with hurting his sibling. Time to let mother in law give it a whirl.
AND...by the way...try not to think negatively about mother in law trying. We have had more than one instance where loving parents shipped a
difficult child off to a relative and the kid thrived. It does not mean that
the parents are bad or stupid etc. etc. Sometimes a different
environment can trigger positive changes. Thank her for giving
her time and effort (even if you have to gag after you say it!)
because she really does not have to do it. If she succeeds...
time for a HUGE thank you. If she fails to find the key to him,
well.......that means the system will probably get a turn.

DDD

 

[guest3]

thank you for all the advice. I was told by the court that "I" had to pay the fines and it was "my" legal responsibility. difficult child has been told they are "his" fines" but he heard the court when they pointed out they were "mine", sigh.............. mother in law is now in the hospital and needs arteries stinted from the waist down to her ankles. I don't think she'll be taking difficult child I for awhile at this point.

 

[DDD]

Does he have a problem with pot or other substances? I apologize
if I'm missing an inning...I do that alot lately, lol. Lack of
motivation is like the most common denominator for teen pot users
and it is a hard cyle to break.

Sending understanding hugs. Wish I could send "the answer". DDD

 

[guest3]

welp I have had him tested and he passes, I think I would smell it on him, he has asthma also so smoking in general would be an unwise choice for him, sighhhhhhhhhhh It's like something up there just isn't firing up