When You Are The Parent Of The 'Monster'

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by CrazyinVA, Jul 24, 2012.

  1. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I thought this group would especially appreciate this essay. While my heart goes out to the victims of the Colorado tragedy and their families, I find myself feeling a certain empathy for the parents of the killer, because of my own experiences with mental illness in family members (and reading these boards). They're in my prayers, too.


    The final line of this piece says it all:

  2. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I definitely appreciate the essay. The last sentence does say it all. While my heart aches for all victims, families and friends in this tragedy, my heart also aches for his parents and relatives.
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    This broke my heart.
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It is so heartbreaking, for everyone involved. And, yes, there but for the grace of God...............
  5. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Thanks for sharing that article. It is beautifully written.

    One of the positive things that comes from being a parent of a difficult child, is the gift of compassion. I'm not sure I had it - or at least not to the degree I now do - when my difficult child was disguised as a easy child, but I know i have it now.

    Has anyone seen We Need to Talk About Kevin? I just watched it last week. It is a film about the mother of a kid who is clearly a difficult child. He commits an act of exteme violence at his school and the film is about what the mom has gone through all his life -and especially what she goes through after the act. I caution you - it will trigger all sorts of fear and emotion within you if your child is a difficult child. watch it with caution.

    I pray for his family. We are powerless over our kid's choices.

  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That is so true, Dash. I never thought of it that way.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Great essay.
    I like this part: "red haired young man sitting slumped and shackled in a courtroom, looking demonic and pathetic and the same time."

    I'll look up that movie, dashcat.
  8. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    "And there will be those who know otherwise. Who understand first hand that any child can descend into darkness, as surely as they can be gripped with cancer, or felled by a random bullet." How well we know! We pray for our kids to confide in us so we can help but some don't see how help is possible and never share the nightmares they live with in their minds. As difficult child told me during his nightmare years, "my body is telling me to do this. I can't fight it anymore. I don't want to do these things but I have to.". So thankful he shared with me before he harmed himself or others.
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I thought one of the most profound things that his attorney said yesterday in response to a question of whether his parents support him she said " of course they do, he's their son."

  10. dashcat

    dashcat Member

  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'll have to try to watch that movie dashcat.

    This was an excellent essay, and honestly, it needed to be put out there for people to have to think about, people who imagine they could never find themselves in the same position. phht

    I have to be careful watching news reports or reading articles on this...........and I found out quickly that I had to use extreme self control NOT to look at the idiotic responses many people have to them. As I said before his behavior before, during, and after the shooting reminds me strongly of a schizophrenic who has nose dived into psychosis. It hits a bit close to home for me. There were times during my life that that could've been my aunt or my mother, and truth be known it's probably a very good thing my paternal grandfather was a rip roaring alcoholic and was usually too drunk to do too much, what he did manage to do was bad enough.

    So I can not only empathize from a parental point of view, but having grown up with schizophrenics and seeing what they go through.......it may make me unpopular, but I have just as much empathy for the shooter as well. That doesn't take away the deep sadness I feel for the victims and their families or the fact that I think this was a horrible tragedy. Nor does it mean I think he should just walk away with no consequences either for that matter.

    My prayers center around ALL involved, because all of them are victims. :(
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Thank you for sharing this.

    And, yes, Lisa, you are right. ALL of them are victims.