when you feel wiped out, like you have nothing left to give as a parent..

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by recovering doormat, Jun 8, 2009.

  1. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    how do you keep going?

    I always thought I was a fairly resilient person, but now, after seven years of intense family, couple and mental health issues, and with only one child out of three that I am "responsible" for parenting, I just don't feel like doing it anymore. My oldest just called to ask if she could sleep over and of course, I told her she is welcome, but I really don't feel up to dealing with her whining and depression right now.

    I do have a therapist, I just started seeing her once a week instead of biweekly, and I'm on medications. Maybe the Rx just isn't cutting it, she told me to go up on the Lexapro since I started experiencing SSRI "poopout." But that just seems to make me a tad more jittery, but not feeling more confident. It's like, I've spent so much time dealing with one crisis after another, one misbehaving person after another, and still dealing with a vindictive ex who is vested in making me look incompetent, that I wonder what competency I do have as a parent.

    Anyone else go through this? A crisis of faith in yourself and hope for the future. How did you weather it?
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    CHOCOLATE. And lots of it.

    Seriously, though. I eek out as much downtime for myself as I can when things get too overwhelming. My housework slides so that my mental health doesn't. I was seeing a therapist for a while, and also a support group, but the past 8 months or so things have been fairly manageable so I'm doing pretty well without the weekly sessions.

    And my psychiatrist is a good ally in helping me keep the medications just right so I have a solid foundation of support that way.

    Coming here helps tremendously, too. And my mom is a good sounding board for me when I think I just can't stand anymore.

    Hang in there and keep reaching out to us. We are all here to listen and support you as best we can.

  3. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    Yessss! Chocolate!....

    thanks for your warm words. I go up and down like a wave, today I'm in a trough. But soon enough something will happen to light a fire under my seat and i"ll be on to the next crisis.
  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    When things are at their worst, I journal a lot. It really helps me get those feelings out there, and I always feel better. Doing things for myself is a big help too, especially going out with friends.. always a great distraction for me. Personally, I love going to see a live, loud rock band... nothing like a night of head-banging to get rid of stress :)

    If the Lexapro isn't helping much and the side effects are making it difficult to increase the dosage, it may be time to try something else.. ask your psychiatrist.
  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Hugs. When I feel like I'm at the end---I just stop. I take a few days off from my life---and do whatever I want to do. If I feel like sleeping---I sleep. If I want a mani/pedi I do it. I get my hair done. I walk on the beach. And I stop doing for anyone else until I am able to refill myself.
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    When I'm feeling like this I know it's time for me time. I try really hard to fit some in every day! Also I do see a therapist (she is great) and I also am on a low dose of Fluoxetene (sp?) Gentle hugs to you.
  7. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    I've been thinking about the just stopping for a day and doing what I feel I need to do. I don't have a job but I seem to be schlepping kids all over the place and I just feel worn out from doing that, then getting home and seeing all that needs to be done around me.

    It would blast their circuits (and their dad's) if one day I was just not available to take them places, buy them things, etc. Dad is self-employed, he can leave the office whenever he wants.

    Hmmm...sounds like a possibility.
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I say GO for it! Just schedule a day where you will be AWAY and UNAVAILABLE. Turn off your cell phone and go wherever your heart leads you that day -- and ENJOY it! You will come back home a much happier woman and ready to handle anything.
  9. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    husband's ex is constantly trying to undermine him. Actually now that he has full custody she's finding it a lot harder - also difficult child 1 refuses to visit her so she only has one try - difficult child 2 - and she's doing her best. However difficult child 2 has always really loved his Daddy so it's a little harder for her.

    That said, I am also on Lexapro 'cause I needed something to help... In this case, "Mother's Little Helper" happens to be legal and a small enough dose... LOL - but if it isn't helping, something needs to change.

    The Lexapro doesn't make me any more confident. It just smooths things out so I don't get so angry and/or cry so much. The confidence seems to come with successes and getting through to the kids. And husband.
  10. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    RD, I think you need to do more than just contemplate the possibility of this, I think you need to DO it.

    If you're always the one to schlepp the kids around, run the errands, buy them stuff, and no one is showing any appreciation, then just stop. Think of it as going on strike if it helps, but just stop.

    Do things for yourself. If you feel like doing something for someone else, do it because it's convenient for YOU, or because YOU want to do it, not because someone else is putting pressure on you or because you feel guilted into doing it.

    You'd be surprised at what a difference it makes. To your own attitude and disposition. And to the way others treat you.

    It's amazing. When you start showing that you respect yourself, others seem to start doing so as well, or at least recognize that you can't be pushed around so easily. When pushing you around becomes more hard work than doing for themselves, guess what's likely to happen?

    Take some time for you. Pamper and be gentle with yourself.
    Sending hugs,
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I agree ~ take time for you & you alone. No one else will make sure you are physically, emotionally, mentally & spiritually healthy. It's up to you ~ up to husband to handle the household while you take a day for yourself.

    by the way, on my worst days it becomes on step at a time until I find respite. I just put one foot in front of the other ~ all one can do sometimes.
  12. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I am a jouranaller. It really helps me. I find that for me really intense physical activity helps me too. I have been known to plan a girls weekend on occassion too. If we do not take care of ourselves we cannot take care of anyone else.
  13. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    that is great advice from everywoman! I t hink I do the same thing - I used to think it was selfish to think about myself first - but I have changed my mind about that - I believe when I am overwhelmed I do just what I want to - I love to go to Barnes and Noble bookstore - have a cup of joe and read every magazine I can find and just sit there with no one but myself. It is so relaxing!
  14. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    I have a dear, dear friend who lives less than an hour from me who would welcome me as a fugitive if I wanted to run away for the day (and she'd make me drink wine with her until the wee hours and then sleep over). I'm lucky to have a friend like that. I think I will schedule a visit.

    Step to 2, you are so right on about the medication just keeping me from extremes, it doesn't give self-confidence. I have made a decision to reclaim my easy child from her dad's house by the weekend and now I have to talk myself into having the strength to do that despite her protests and arguments (the custody agreement is on my side, she's potentially exposed to bad teenage behavior on the part of her sibs at dad's, it a flippin' no brainer, but she can scream and yell and carry on for hours at a clip if she doesn't want to do something, and I sometimes cave). My self-confidence has been badly eroded by a manipulative ex, and sometimes I worry if I'll ever break free. He has had a run of luck lately tying me up in court over financial settlement, which has the effect of keepingme in limbo. It's helpless anger and frustration that overwhelms me sometimes. Fortunately, I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow and she is a get-down-to-business type, an older mom of difficult children! She understands.

    Wonderful advice everyone and I appreciate the hugs and support. I hope I can do the same for all of you.