There are some jobs such as author, law enforcement, some professions where their practitioners are either responsible to treat or understand problems, or to respond to and contain them; or they are seen by others as possessing superior knowledge and wisdom, and there is the perception by themselves or others that they should be able to do so.
Hi Copa, I read this message yesterday but didn't get the chance to reply. This statement really resonated with me. Before I was an author, I was a school teacher. It's not just others who think "people like me" should be able to deal with any parenting problems that arise. I thought (think?) it too.
The worst part of all of this for me is the fear and (I hate to admit this) the shame. Logically I know my son is an adult and I can't control what he does, but there is still part of me that wonders what I did to cause it. I know I have made mistakes with my son and I most definitely have not been perfect. But he has been loved (treasured, in fact) and given all the same opportunities and advantages as his brothers (probably more if I'm honest). He chooses to live his life in a way that perplexes me. Did I contribute to that? I don't know. But my shame is deep, as is my fear of judgement. I'm trying hard to let go of it, and some days I feel strong and able to cope. Other days I find the weight of my shame crippling and I'm not sure if that will ever be any different.
I guess the one thing I will say is that being on this board has given me the opportunity to talk about it in a safe space, which has helped. The practical advice I've received here has helped me to set boundaries, which have resulted in me successfully getting my son out of my house. This, along with the emotional support and understanding, has helped me enormously. I'm having more good days than bad now, but I'm not sure I'll ever be entirely free of the shame.