where do i go

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by tbidaughter, Nov 21, 2017.

  1. tbidaughter

    tbidaughter just tired and fed up

    i am a mother of a 24 yr old daughter who has Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) as a result of trying to kill herself using my insulin, in may of this year. she is currently in jail due to trying to kill me by strangulation and battery. how do i ensure that she recieves the rigbt care or do i even after this event.
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    tbidaughter, welcome. I'm sorry you're going thru this with your daughter.

    I don't have any advice for you about how to ensure she receives the right care.....what I can offer you is encouragement to make sure you get support for YOU. It sounds as if you've been living a nightmare for quite awhile. I'm so sorry. I know how devastating it is when our kids go off the rails, for whatever reason. While you maneuver thru this situation with your daughter, make sure you get support.

    You matter too.

    You might find support thru NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can access them online, they have excellent courses for us parents, you may find information, resources, guidance and support thru them.

    I don't know if your daughter has been abusing substances, if she has, you might try 12 step groups, Al Anon, Narc Anon, Families Anonymous and CoDa have offered many here solace and support.

    Many of us opt for private therapy and support groups as this stuff with our kids can be devastating, we are exhausted and burned out and often as we put the welfare of our kids above our own, we become depleted, depressed, anxious and suffer with a form of PTSD. I would encourage you to find a strong support system.

    Continue to post, it helps to write it down and have your post received by others who understand the gravity of the situation, won't judge you and can offer you compassion and support.

    Hang in there. You're not alone......we've all struggled with the choices our adult kids have made.
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  3. tbidaughter

    tbidaughter just tired and fed up

    this just happened 2 days ago. i am tearful sad and feel amgry.
  4. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Welcome TBIMom

    First you are not alone. And I am so sorry for he difficulty you are facing.

    I have been the recipient of insult and theft from my AS, but to have ones own child attempt to harm/kill you is beyond comprehension.

    I agree with RE above. Do try to get a focus on you and your health.

    Weather you attempt to get your daughter help is simply up to you and what your hert can manage. No right or wrong answer here.

    I do not know where you reside or where your daughter is incarcerated. Is she in a specialized unit or Genpop? There are resources in some prisons that can support your daughter.

    Is she incarcerated post conviction? Or awaiting trial.

    Do know you are in a friendly non judgemental place here and you are not alone.
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow, 2 days. I would be tearful, sad and angry too.

    You might try contacting the jail thru the public liaison.....I presume they have one. Or the probation officer assigned to your daughter. You were attacked but that doesn't diminish how your mother's heart continues worrying about her.

    I'm so sorry. What you're going thru is just devastating on so many levels. Our kids seldom know how their choices in life impact us.....the worry, the fear, the resentment, the anger, the disappointment, the deep and relentless sorrow and grief......

    Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. You've been dealt a sucker punch straight to the heart....recovery from that is going to take time and a whole lot of support.....

    Hang in there, keep posting....I'm so sorry.
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  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I know nothing much about Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) or if it is reversible or if she has damage for life. If she tried to kill you, i would find an out of home placement for her long term. You can still support her, but you and others in your house should not fear that she will do anything dangerous to them.

    I would not allow anyone who tried to kill me or another family member to live with me, not even a dearly loved adult child. I would do all i could from afar and try to get social services and Disability to help find a good placement for her where she can be treated and watched. It does not sound as if drugs caused it. It sounds like the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) changed her and she could not control herself.

    Never risk anyones life, even for a dearly beloved child. The child herself would have been horrified if she had succeeded.

    Do others live in your home? What triggered the episode? Did anyone in the know explain to you in detail about this Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and what is treatable and what is not?

    My heart goes out to you. There is little worse than this.

    Love and hopeful wishes.
  7. tbidaughter

    tbidaughter just tired and fed up

    her 1st court date will be 12/01/17. as far as i understand genpop. she is in the local county jail. officer that was involved said the family needs to go to court dstes and let judge know of the extent and history of her mental health issues. i have been trying since labor day when she was dropped off to me from her girlfriend whom she attacked and tried to rape. she has threatened to kill her infant son who is now a year old. i am going to ask victims assistance for a protective order and i am going to ask them to give my oldest daughter one as well because she is raising the 1 yr old.
  8. tbidaughter

    tbidaughter just tired and fed up

    she i jected my insulin in may. trying to kill herself. instead of killing herself she survived defying expectations of all doctors and staff. now i am left with the results. i can not physically handle.her strength of thor. i have diabeties...and at the moment can not move shoulder. the day before her choking me she shoved me to the ground hit me kicked me and threatened to kill me.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member


    I personally feel you two need to live apart. Have you contacted social services or Disability? If she is physically threatening, she needs to be where strong people can manage her if she loses control. Any other family?

    This is nuts. You should not be responsible. You cant defend yourself. Anyone you can ask for help from i the justice system? The police?

    Is your daughter rational? Can she control herself?
  10. tbidaughter

    tbidaughter just tired and fed up

    she currently is in jail on charges from attacking me and choking me. she will not be able to come back to where we were living because there will be a protective order against her for me. it is hard to do but i honestly didnt think she would try to kill me. i have to.protect myself. i am praying the judge will place her in a jospital or some other place that can help her with her Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and medication. she needs physical therapy and mental therapy as well. i just have had no luck simce having her dropped in my lap at getting any help for her
  11. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What you're dealing with is very, very difficult. As you move thru this, do whatever you need to do to help you feel as if you've done enough in supporting your daughter to get the care you feel is necessary for her. Once you reach that point, there is nothing else you can do for her, it appears it will be out of your hands. You can advocate for her to a point and then, you may need to protect yourself and to accept what is......often the hardest thing to do. I'm really sorry, you're in a tough spot.