So true. I have lived all of this situations but the death of my son. Thanks to God, he is now doing okay, but I know enough to know that it is one day at a time. I have been that parent that felt like everyone must wonder: Where is she? As a teacher in the community I know that people must sometime question my ability to lead young people when they all watched mine go so far astray. I learned long ago, however, that I did not cause his illness nor his addictions. I did the best I could with what I knew at the time; when I knew better I did better, but even then it wasn't always enough. There is such pain and shame when you have a child who takes the wrong path in life. I don't think anyway can imagine it unless they've lived it. I copied this article to send to some friends of mine who need it right now. Thank you.
I also liked this excerpt from the same site and a role play they did:
Mother :"Oh honey, you ain't seen nothing yet. I want you to stay at Abraxas as long as it takes for you to change yourself, so that you don't kill yourself when you get out. And believe me, I will do everything in my power to see that you have a chance to beat this drug thing. WATever I have to do, including standing up in court again, and telling the judge that you are not ready to be discharged, if that is what I think will help you save your life. You see Son, whether you try or not, I am going to try to help you save your own life!"
I too could have written that. Althought I was not at the birth of my son I was there for him from the time he came to me at three months and am still there at age 19. I too have been scrutinized and blamed and doubted over the years. People forget that everyone has a free will, even kids. Sometimes no matter what a parent does, no matter what interventions are taken, a kid goes down the wrong path. -RM
Wow, I could have written about 95% of that article myself. I too many, many years ago thought that the kids that were always in trouble had bad parents, parents that didn't care what their kids did, until it happened to us.
Thanks for posting that link.
I hate to admit it but it is that same kind of thinking that caused me to stop attending our church.
The little comments here and there.
So and so saw him with so and so and YOU really should stop him from being around "those" people. I got very tired of "explaining" my son's actions to the adults of our church.
I know they meant well, but they had no idea what was going on in my home to try to stop my son from doing what he was doing