Why am I surprised?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by slsh, Jan 23, 2009.

  1. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    You'd think after all this time I'd have a clue about how my kid's mind works. I'm so aggravated and irritated with him right now, I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight. Too bad for him - he finally showed up to discuss the groundrules for him returning to live here at home. Discussion is in the morning and I'm going to be a tired witch. Logical consequences bite.

    I'm asleep for less than 15 minutes and am woken up by a draft. Wee didn't close the back door very well so it's blown open. I get up, close it, and realize that thank you is sitting on my couch, in *my* house, smoking. O-M-G!!!!:cigarsmoker:Guess I should be glad it was only tobacco.

    But - we cannot have been clearer. NO SMOKING IN THE HOUSE. Period. We haven't even *gotten* to the tougher rules (no drugs, get a job, get insurance) and he's already breaking the rules.

    Honestly - I'm just so tired of him testing every doggone limit, no matter how simple. I'm tired of having to bend over backwards, of trying to prove our love for him (because the rest of the treatment team feels he's insecure of it).... only to have him just trample over everything. His borderline traits are becoming even more impossible to deal with.

    I really want to just tell him to get a doggone grip and get on with his life. Stop the drugs, stop messing around with school because he's *never* going to graduate because he's *never* going to show up, and just get on with it already.

    So I'm going to be sitting here playing solitaire for the rest of the night to make sure he doesn't burn the place down. Sheesh ..... how hard is it to follow a simple rule? This is so not going to work - I'm too old and tired and cranky to have to supervise my soon to be adult son 24/7.

    I almost feel blackmailed in a way - he upped the drug use until husband and I were backed into a corner - we feel we have to try to do something to stop it and the only thing left is home. Honestly, I have to wonder if thank you isn't smart enough to have figured that out.... I wouldn't put it past him.

    Oh man, I am just so tired of it all. Sigh...... sorry. This just really is so old.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sorry, Sue. I think you have to have some way of giving him consequences for this. Is there another place he can stay- at least for a while? and, put your foot down with the treatment team, if you know he doesn't feel insecure about your love, tell them he's manipulating them. I'm already drained from mine- and you've been dealing with this longer than I have.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Aw Sue,
    I'm sorry. It all sounds so draining. I wish I had some great advice or a magic wand. I think thank you knows you love him. I'm sorry you are feeling cornered. I hope he is able to stop the drugs and start making more progress. Gentle hugs-you are truly an amazing warrior mom.
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    I hope you did get some sleep. I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. That black void of insecurity about being loved is one hole that only he can fill, in his own time. You do sound tired and at the end of your limits. Prayers and good thoughts going out to you. Hugs, ML
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Don't know why you're surprised, Sue. You've seen it coming. What surprises me is that he's even willing to move home under your terms or has he decided that yet?

    The smoking issue is going to be a sticking point ~ we can see that already.

    Honey, I know deep down you would like thank you back home after all these years. But you want him back healthy, mentally & emotionally stable. He is neither of these at this point. thank you doesn't seem to want to or cannot grasp the concept of self care (i.e. taking medications, staying off drugs, etc) & is putting himself at high risk once again. I wish that he had a couple of more years to "mature" to see the positives in this world.

    I wish for you & for thank you that he could move back home & see the wonder of family; feel & acknowledge the love that you & husband have for him & have had all these years. He's drained you; your family in so many ways. It'd be nice to see, after all these years, all that money, significant improvement. We can dream, can't we?

    Sweetie, I hope you got some rest today. If you'd like I'll toodle down & take a swing at big old Tyler with my quad cane ~ you'll just have to hold him down for me. Okay????;)
  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    I finally crashed around 2:30 a.m. He was pretty grumpy about the whole thing but... I gave him a metal coffee can this morning and told him to smoke outside, and to stay away from anything wooden (like the *house* :rofl: ).

    His logic blows my mind. Since I was asleep, he figured it'd be okay. Ugh! Double ugh when I pointed out he was using a plastic cup as an ashtray!

    TLP actually is strongly recommending extended home passes for a while, 8-day visits. We're going to give it a try.

    I still suspect a major case of anywhere-but-here-itis, but this is something husband and I have to do, just for our own peace of mind. Who knows...