Why are they all calling me? (Sorry, whiny)

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by SuZir, May 1, 2013.

  1. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I just had a third phone call of the day from 'concerned parties' related to my difficult child and his attitude, behaviour and sport career. That was after I listened laymen's ideas about the matter all day at the picnic. (We have a national holiday today and everyone and their cousins were gathered to few parks for picnic and in that park there were probably 80 % of all people we do know and everyone have a story about how awesome their super easy child's are doing and comment on how bad difficult child's last season was and what should be done to correct it.) Everyone seems to know so well what we should do and how I should make difficult child this or that. I wasn't able to make the whelp eat his broccoli or stay at school when he was nine! How on earth I'm supposed to make him be professional, mature beyond his years, have a great and positive attitude, be humble and work hard and what not, when he is nineteen?!?

    Having a huge hangover from last night's Walburgis Night parties with the friends (very deceptive punch they had) that few glasses of bubbly during the picnic only postponed, isn't helping. And it seems that hangover is that makes also those people who have some understanding of the situation to call (well, difficult child's current positional coach sounded still more drunk than hangovered.) Okay, I feel all warm and fuzzy that they do care, but if them talking to difficult child themselves isn't helping, how they expect me talking to him to help? Especially when I'm not exactly feeling like the model mom of the year right now with hangover and lost shoe and some lost memories from last night. And it was a nice shoe too! I think I may be able to find it. It probably got lost while I was piggybacking husband on our way home from beach. I'm quite sure husband checked I had everything on me after skinny-dipping to the sea (yeah, that was perfectly rational idea, after all, it is practically summer now, sea has been free from ice almost whole week now and I'm sure water may well be 40 F already.) So just now I'm not feeling much like playing the voice of reason to difficult child. Especially when I can't say I would be too sorry. I do hope I find that shoe and that husband stops teasing me about my Cinderella act some time before next Christmas, but we certainly had fun.

    All things difficult child then again are not fun at all. difficult child isn't even speaking to his current positional coach (yeah, he will be transferred out from the team during summer but still) and is strongly siding with his last year's positional coach, who is also not in terms with current one, in their petty rivalry. And while the current one mostly wants me to talk some sense to difficult child so he would even try to co-operate, the former one thinks that current one was a big reason for difficult child's bad year on the field. He may even have a point in thinking that coach making difficult child work almost solely with his weaknesses on and off the field was a reason for difficult child's loss of self-confidence. But how am I supposed to make sure he is transferred to the team there positional coach knows how to play with difficult child's strengths instead of getting too stuck with his weaknesses?

    It is just all so blah and out of my hands and still people keep carrying it to my hands and expecting me to have some answers.
    Last edited: May 1, 2013
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    It's fine that you had fun!

    But, yeah, why ARE they calling you. Sounds like those enmeshed families on Dr Phil!

    No worries, we know he's a difficult child. Some day they may catch on too. Hopefully not. Hopefully all the effort will help difficult child decide he wants things different and he will allow himself to be all he can be. He really is doing pretty well, considering.

    You are a great mom. No worries there., hugs.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I hope that some of the "interested parties" are actually caring about your family...sigh. Sounds like your celebration may take a couple of days to totally wind down but sounds like it was a bonding time with husband and a good emotional break for you. :hi5: DDD
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    I hope you find your shoe. :)
  5. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Don't tell anyone but there are days when I think Jerry Springer Show is more astute comparison. Some of these people have so long and complicated histories with each others that they would fit in very well. And these people calling me do know difficult child is difficult child. And he is not only one, most of these people have difficult child traits of their own. For example difficult child's current positional coach totally gfged his own sport career (which of course reflects to how he relates to difficult child.)

    And I think they are calling me, because they want to vent (and they did it now because they too were suffering from hang over and feeling blue) and I kind of have to listen because it is about my whelp. And my whelp certainly knows how to frustrate anyone out of their mind - and seems to be currently doing even more spectacular job with that than usually.

    Some likely are and most are caring about difficult child and at least his career. But there are lots of other motives involved too. And of course they are looking this from their perspectives that may be very different than mine or difficult child's.

    Yeah, I'm afraid it will take day or two (old age doesn't come alone ;)) And while I'm slightly embarrassed that I drank too much and happy that I mostly shifted from 'very tipsy' to 'really drunk' only after we left and were on our way home (those friends live less than two miles from us and it is impossible to get a cab to this far from city centre at Walburgis Night so we walked), I don't regret it at all. We are having tough times as a family and this kind of silliness for a moment does help. And reminds me again why I'm married to husband. There is a wisdom of choosing husbands that says that one who keeps your hair when you are puking is a keeper. I mostly wear my hair up so not much need for that but I do think that piggyback ride home while drunk does count. Even if he did hit under the belt by threatening to call mother in law to give us a ride if I didn't stop singing riding related songs while he carried me ;)

    husband went and found it for me. Definitely a keeper :bigsmile:
    Last edited: May 1, 2013
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I probably hate having helpful advice given, even if it's caring in nature,more than most people. It sort of is pointing out that you/I/anyone has a child who is a problem (as if we didn't know) and that THEY have great ideas how to cure the problem. I used to change the subject as few things annoyed me more.

    Take two aspirins and call me in the morning for the hangover :)
  7. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I love hearing from the Europeans on the CD board! The last time that I thought about Walpurgis Nacht was when I was studying Faust for my Bac exams in 1967. I had no idea that it is still an active holiday in parts of Europe. My mother in law was an American Finn and father in law was an American Czech. They never mentioned it. Is it considered a pagan holiday?

    I remember your story about the retreat at a Lutheran (?) church and how you and husband slipped away to the lav. You both have lots of fun together. A sense of humor really helps when you are raising a difficult child.

    So sorry that your circle of acquaintances think that they can expect you to have an influence on your grown son. That would infuriate me.
  8. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    The origin is of course pagan and Church tried to make old pagan Holidays Christian (not that I remember what Christian saint we are supposed to celebrate in Walburgis, or well Walburg, but no idea why ;)) But we are not making much cow magic either any more, so it is mostly secular. Students and workers are celebrated but mostly we are celebrating spring.

    On our pagan Holidays All Saints Day is best Christianized (you are the ones who are going pagan then) and while we do have our pagan Christmas traditions, it is also very Christianized. Walburgis is secular and with Midsummer we are really grasping to our inner pagans and it is our second biggest Holiday after Christmas. Fun thing is that while in Walburgis also us who live rural areas go to cities and occupy parks for picnic etc. in Midsummer our cities are totally deserted. Only few foreign tourists and recent immigrants get left behind when we rush to our boats and summer cottages and country side to worship sun and light and summer and nature.

    I do hate it when it comes from people, who really are out from whole situation, don't know what is going on etc. E.g. those people who came to tell us how we should plan our son's career during the picnic. I have more patience for those who called. They are all involved, in-the-know and they do have an interest for him and his career. And I kind of understand their need to vent. They deal with difficult child and do worry for him and difficult child really can be extra difficult. And they do try to help difficult child in their own ways. I think that at times it is just very difficult for all of us to see the line between can't and won't with difficult child. And I'm not sure does even difficult child himself know at times. And while difficult child is a legal adult, he is so terribly immature and behind his chronological age both biologically and even more so emotionally that at times he just screams a need to be parented. And it is very frustrating to all of us, not only me and husband.
  9. You said that so well! Our legally adult difficult child's don't behave like adults at all and beg to be parented but won't have any part of advice or guidance. It is a frustrating line we have to walk.

    It sounds like you had both a great time and a horrible time at your festivities. I'm glad that you and husband had your fun on the beach - sounds like something my husband and I would do also. They are great men - those that stick it out, make us laugh, fetch our shoes and hold our hair! Definitely keepers. :)

    I'm sorry that your fun was marred by probably well-meaning, maybe a little nosy, friends and acquaintances. difficult child's do seem to find a way to even seep into our fun, don't they?
  10. nerfherder

    nerfherder Active Member

    Only this week I said to someone, "if I hear the words "Temple Grandin" come out of your mouth I'm gonna mail you a dead muskrat."