i was feeling good for a bit today but then got down. the treatment center called me and advised me they did get all the paperwork from the hospital and wow if they had that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) thing she would be in so now i definately have to see a new doctor, get all new testing done etc. spoke to the new doctor (pretty impressive that she called me b4 even seeing us) she is aware of the situation and asked me to bring the papers from the hospital so now i gotta take more time out of my 4 hour morning before going to work to do this. its just not that easy to jump in a car and do all this leg work that should have been done in the first place when she was there for 10day and they charged insurance/me $11k to be there.....for what?!?!?!?. the friends are really plucking my nerves too. they dont call unless i call them and then i gotta call a million time before they answer or call back. they are so blind to the situation as i was before it got bad. but its frustrating cuz they keep saying that they will take her. why is it so hard for everyone to understand i dont wanna give away my difficult child i just want to send her somewhere to get help and in the meantime keep me and easy child safe from her venom. i was never one for waving a diagnosis flag but i got this one up as far as it will go and ppl are acting like i am the wrong one. shoot, my own parents arent talking to me at this point. i just dont understand why its so wrong to want something positive. Nooooo, instead i am being viewed as this ogre mom who is pawning off their kid. i gotta take a break from all these phone calls. every free moment when the easy child isnt here i am doing this. the system is to jammed up. i am just venting here. i know its the right thing but my heart hurts so bad. i miss my child, her pretty face that brace-face smile, her quirky ways. but i keep reminding myself that now she has went this far with the obstinence and defiance and hatred and anger i must keep plugging ahead to get her back. i dont know, on the other hand maybe i should just let her go though. its what she wants. but i was not supposed to let go at 16. oh, and i still havent been able to get someone to call in a refill of her medications. she only should have 2 week supply left.