After 18 months of battling the issues relating to our 14 year old daughter who suffers from major depression with borderline personality traits, I am starting to wonder if my husband suffers from it too. For our 16 years + of marriage he has been a predominantly wonderful guy - very level, hard working, romantic, and involved and interested in the kids.
Lately however he has become VERY moody. My mom (after visiting for a week) described him as Jekyll and Hyde. At one point during the day, he might dole out compliments, take on extra chores and be non-judgemental of the kids. At another point later in the day, he might be full of never ending complaints about anything and everything and in "picking a fight" about nothing mode. He can also escalate arguments over seemingly nothing by envisioning the worst case scenario. He will go on and on supposedly saying what I'm thinking such as, "You don't want to thank me for the work I do because I'm such a jerk. Everyone always turns against me - no one appreciates what I do.
He alternately complains that I interrupt him all the time and tonight complains that I don't listen to him or acknowledge him.
He has had a few runs of what I call borderline irresponsible behavior (not entirely illegal) such as drinking too much and luckily his friends drove him home. He also got involved with a corrupt friend who tried to blackmail us (unsuccessfully). I also just found out he was NOT in attendance at an evening meeting a few weeks ago when I recall he came home quite late - wonder where he was?
And his relationship with our difficult child daughter has deteriorated pretty badly. In our last family therapy session (by phone)he stormed out and slammed the door and later said that he no longer has THREE kids, only TWO. He was angry because the therapist carefully implied that he might have some "work to do" to prepare for our daughters homecoming and that we have some responsibility for our child's depression and suicide attempt (I disagree with the last part!).
I'm not sure what to do... I am very worried that our marriage is shakier than I thought. I am not interested in abandoning our marriage - I think it is very critical for our kids to stay together. He has never been abusive or highly demeaning to me. But his moodiness is getting very hard to live with. He also seems to be suffering from a hearing loss which causes issues when he doesn't hear me speaking (he thinks I'm ignoring him).
I haven't broached the topic about marital counseling recently. He seems to feel that the therapist will be "looking for someone to blame it all on" and I guess that it will be him.
Perhaps I should consider therapy just for myself. I have NEVER thought of this before in our marriage, but I am considering having a one time fling with someone I know (who lives far away) because I have such a huge gap in my heart with all of these issues. Also in some weird way, I feel like it will shield me emotionally from being the "wronged" one if it turns out that he is (and I am really starting to suspect it) having an affair. There have been little warning signs like a gift of cologne appearing at his office (he claims he bought it but could not tell me from which store). He carries aftershave in his briefcase but never sprays it on before coming home to me! And the meeting a few weeks ago which he did NOT attend and told me he did.
Anyone been in any similar situation? Any advice?
Thanks.
Lately however he has become VERY moody. My mom (after visiting for a week) described him as Jekyll and Hyde. At one point during the day, he might dole out compliments, take on extra chores and be non-judgemental of the kids. At another point later in the day, he might be full of never ending complaints about anything and everything and in "picking a fight" about nothing mode. He can also escalate arguments over seemingly nothing by envisioning the worst case scenario. He will go on and on supposedly saying what I'm thinking such as, "You don't want to thank me for the work I do because I'm such a jerk. Everyone always turns against me - no one appreciates what I do.
He alternately complains that I interrupt him all the time and tonight complains that I don't listen to him or acknowledge him.
He has had a few runs of what I call borderline irresponsible behavior (not entirely illegal) such as drinking too much and luckily his friends drove him home. He also got involved with a corrupt friend who tried to blackmail us (unsuccessfully). I also just found out he was NOT in attendance at an evening meeting a few weeks ago when I recall he came home quite late - wonder where he was?
And his relationship with our difficult child daughter has deteriorated pretty badly. In our last family therapy session (by phone)he stormed out and slammed the door and later said that he no longer has THREE kids, only TWO. He was angry because the therapist carefully implied that he might have some "work to do" to prepare for our daughters homecoming and that we have some responsibility for our child's depression and suicide attempt (I disagree with the last part!).
I'm not sure what to do... I am very worried that our marriage is shakier than I thought. I am not interested in abandoning our marriage - I think it is very critical for our kids to stay together. He has never been abusive or highly demeaning to me. But his moodiness is getting very hard to live with. He also seems to be suffering from a hearing loss which causes issues when he doesn't hear me speaking (he thinks I'm ignoring him).
I haven't broached the topic about marital counseling recently. He seems to feel that the therapist will be "looking for someone to blame it all on" and I guess that it will be him.
Perhaps I should consider therapy just for myself. I have NEVER thought of this before in our marriage, but I am considering having a one time fling with someone I know (who lives far away) because I have such a huge gap in my heart with all of these issues. Also in some weird way, I feel like it will shield me emotionally from being the "wronged" one if it turns out that he is (and I am really starting to suspect it) having an affair. There have been little warning signs like a gift of cologne appearing at his office (he claims he bought it but could not tell me from which store). He carries aftershave in his briefcase but never sprays it on before coming home to me! And the meeting a few weeks ago which he did NOT attend and told me he did.
Anyone been in any similar situation? Any advice?
Thanks.
