Worried about 14 year old son


New Member
Hi, I haven't been on here in several years but things with my 14 year old son have been getting worse. He is doing online school because of the pandemic and that has been really hard to have him home while I'm trying to work. He's been diagnosed with ADHD and is on Concerta and Clonidine and when he takes these, they do help a lot. But sometimes he refuses to take them and he has problems when they wear off at night. He gets like hyper at night - for example, last night he came into my room and jumped on me while I was sleeping which is not uncommon. I know it's not good, but he still wants to sleep in my bed sometimes. I don't let him usually but sometimes I'm tired and give in. We have a cat and he is obsessed with it - always wants to get the cat and hold it for too long and won't let him go without me intervening. We live in an apartment and we've gotten several complaints because my son is loud and there have been tiimes where he will be yelling at me or has an outburst about something where he didn't get his way. He tries to walk around naked in the house - I have to make him put clothes on sometimes. And he has tried to intimidate me, push me when he hasn't gotten his way. I'm a single parent but he's with his dad a couple days a week. He does not have any behavior issues at his dad's. He is afraid of his dad. My counselor has suggested that I ask his dad if he can have him more. I'm going to do this but I am kind of worried about my son feeling rejected by this. My son just started seeing a counselor recently - I don't think they are talking about anything significant yet but my son seems to like talking to him, more than other counselors.
I wanted to see if others have had similar experiences with their kids and what you have done that has helped.

Thank you!
Hi Seeker, I'm sorry no-one has gotten back to you about this. Difficult times we live in I think. I am not a single parent but the horror of what my son would have been like with me if I had been, is something I would not imagine I could have borne. You definitely need help, counselling and support. I found an online counsellor and it does cost money but she helped me so much. Your boundaries are obviously not clearly defined enough for your son and he perhaps is playing games with you. You are so in need of a strong person who can advise you. I hope others will be along soon, (this is actually the first time I've posted!). I have no experience of doing this alone, and my husband had his own ideas of how to handle my son but these boys are experts in manipulating the emotions and nurturing instinct of we poor moms.


Well-Known Member
I just wanted to say hello to you both. Welcome! (or welcome back in your case, Seeker!)

I don't really have any advice - my son's issues are different (he's an adult) so I can't be that helpful. I am wondering though, seeing as he is a minor, if you could seek advice from your son's counsellor about him spending more time with his dad?


Hi Seeker, Welcome back but sorry you are having these issues with your son. I have some experience with a child with ADHD who was on medication. I hated nights after his medications wore off because he would often get out of control and become hard to manage.

One thing I insisted on was about an hour of calmness before bed. So no video games, TV, computers or physical exertion—no stimulation. He could read books before bedtime until he fell asleep. I know kids don’t like to read much anymore, but it was something I always stressed and my son loved reading.

There are also over the counter calming aids you can buy that have certain herbs like chamomile that you could give about an hour or so before bedtime. Lavendar is another herb that helps with calmness. I have a spray bottle of it that I sometimes spray on my pillow and it really makes a difference in how quickly I fall asleep.

One thing in your favor is that your son likes talking to his counselor. That Is a very good thing. I can’t think of one counselor that my son ever enjoyed talking to. He hated the whole idea of counseling and wasn’t always cooperative. So, if possible, I would let that relationship continue and have frequent, regular sessions if the counselor is willing.

I wish I could be of more help. I hope others will stop by later as well. Things are a little slow right now on this forum but there is great wisdom and experience here. I hope you’ll continue to post and read.

Best wishes to you.


Roll With It
I realize your son is older, but I would look into providing sensory breaks for him. From my experience, most kids with ADHD have some sensory issues. Those were the first thing that presented with my oldest, but his are so similar to mine that I thought they were normal. They weren't. Most people apparently don't have foods that make them vomit. I do. So when my son reacted that way to tomatoes, I didn't think it was a big deal. He wasn't allergic, he just vomited if he ate much tomato anything. Years later, I learned about sensory issues and thought we could have done a ton when our son was younger if we just learned about them.

Luckily, kids usually like sensory therapy. They generally enjoy the sensory activities that help them, and it can actually work to calm them. You can learn more about sensory issues, therapy and disorder with the book "The Out of Sync Child". I strongly recommend it, and another book by the same author, "The Out of Sync Child Has Fun". The Has Fun book is packed with activities to provide various types of sensory input. My family wore out more than one copy of this book through regular, enthusiastic use. It was fun for everyone, not just kids with sensory issues. We would end up iwth every kid from 4 to 18 in our backyard, with their parents, all doing an activity from this book. I swear the other kids could sense it when we took the book out, because they would just start appearing at our house. This was, of course, many years before the pandemic. We ALL had fun with so many different activities. Some of the teens had already started to get into big trouble, and this was a time when their parents knew they were not out getting into trouble, just having fun with a big bunch of people.

I would get the Has Fun book and see if there are activities you can do with your son, or ones that would provide him with a sensory break. Having a sensory break can help get energy out (if that is a need), it can provide deep pressure if needed, or oral stimulation or pretty much any sensory input that he wants/needs. Kids are drawn to the sensory activities they need. My youngest son used to do his reading and tv watching while sitting upside down on his head on the couch. As long as he didn't stick his feet into anyone's face, it was find with me. I just thought he was a strange little kid. in my opinion all little kids have their quirks. Turns out, he needed deep pressure on his head. It was totally a sensory thing and we just didn't know. Just like his refusal to have any sauce or dip or dressings on his food (except salsa). He doesn't like the texture of most sauces. A sensory thing. Being a very picky eater (far pickier than my kids), I just made his food and left whatever sauce we had off his portion. I didn't think it was a big deal, but it was. It was providing a sensory need for him by not forcing him to eat sauces. It saved a LOT of fighting.

I realize your child does not have a diagnosis of Sensory Integration Disorder, but sensory activities can still be a help. Take his dislike of clothing. Ask if it itches him, or how it bothers him. Then you can work to find a solution. I cannot wear anything that itches. It becomes the focus of my mind and I literally am unable to think of anything else while I itch. As a child, an aunt dressed me in those ruffled panties that some people think are cute on kids. I cut the ruffles (and a strip of the underwear with each one) off and then ptu the pants back on. My aunt was furious, but my mother would not let her yell at me. My mother's kids did not EVER have to wear itchy clothes. If the only options in stores was itchy, my mom would make me clothes that didn't itch. Thank God. Itchy clothes drive me up the wall, and it had gotten worse as I get older. MUCH worse.

I learned in time that all my kids had reason for the things they did that drove me nuts. By finding out why they were doing those things, we could find ways to deal with the problem without fighting. So you have to ask, what does he get by jumping on you and waking you up? How can you provide that at times when it is appropriate so that he can not bug you in the middle of the night?


Active Member
Gentle hugs from KAnsas!

I have no advice, but my hyperactive daughter is also showing signs of strain: it is due to the COVID

I know that my adult daughter is only mildly ADHD, but even so she is about to jump out of her skin with this COVID thing. She feels confined because she stays inside more, and even when she goes out everybody around her is stressed. And, like most hyperactive people she picks up on the stress of the people around her and that makes her even more hyper.

We talk on the phone most days, as talking helps her to burn of a little of the excess energy. It is still hard on her, though. She was simply not designed to stay in as much as she has to. In the past there would be errands to run and people to chat with while she was at it, and that kept her comfortable in her own skin

I wish that I had advice to give you, but I do not. What helps my grown daughter is likely different than what would help your much younger son