Would anyone have a good quotation on boundaries?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by in a daze, Feb 22, 2014.

  1. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    I recieved one of those chain emails from sister in law. You are to send an inspiriational quotation to the next person on the list.

    So does anyone have a relavant quotation on boundaries?

    She is trying to set boundaries with her elderly parents and of course I am working on maintaining boundaries with my son.

  2. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    The only one I can come up with is "Lack of planning on your part does not justify an emergency on my part" and I have no idea who said it... I have it on the wall next to the calendar and point to it often.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    "No. I can't do that."

    "No. I won't do that."

    "No. I don't want to do that. Sorry."

    Just learning to say no. And sticking to it.
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

  5. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thanks, everyone.

    I saw my son yesterday. Warned him in a text message not to ask us for any money. He had also been warned in a previous text message. We all got together for dinner. He didn't ask.

    He can be very manipulative asking for 20.00 for the house Superbowl party, asking us for money in front of his uncle, last two times we got together. So maybe he's gotten the message.
  6. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time Staff Member

    This question was a good one, Daze, as it caused me to go back to Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend and reread some of the key teachings there.

    This is one that was a big wake-up call for me.

    “…he is irresponsible and happy, and you are responsible and miserable. A little boundary clarification would do the trick.”–p30

    I started seeing that I was the upset one, and he was rollicking along doing what he wanted to do. Once that is switched around, that I am doing okay and can say, Well I hope that works out for you, honey, and he hangs up or stomps off in a huff or worse, that is when better boundaries are starting to form.
  7. tishthedish

    tishthedish Active Member

    I read a quote the other day and it rang so true. Maybe not for elderly parents, but surely for those difficult child children we struggle with: Let go or be dragged.
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  8. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Love it!

    I'm in the middle of reading Boundaries right now, COM. I like its counsel, although the points could be made with fewer Bible verses, for my taste.

    Sending the Brene Brown one to email chain link to sister in law.

    She's gonna need it. Her 93 year old father fired the caregivers last week. She was the one that drove them round, groceries, entertainment, MD visits, etc. etc. 24 hour care was recommended by the nursing facility. They settled on 8 hours. Now they have none. These elderly people can be so stubborn! I hope she holds firm.
  9. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time Staff Member

    Daze, yes, about Boundaries---I have heard that thought before from others. The wisdom is sound, so keep reading...ala...take what you like and leave the rest.

    I have three friends plus our family who is dealing with the same issues of parents getting old and exactly what you are talking about. I'll probably be the same stubborn way myself. My letting go in other areas of my life is really helping me let go of my parents and realize I can't control what they do or don't do....even if.

    This stuff is hard. Hard to sit by and watch, but necessary.

    I love it: Let go or be dragged.
  10. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am reading Boundaries too. So many of you have spoken about it so I ordered it mostly for the stuff with my granddaughter now........it's helped too. Thanks to all who recommended it.

    Someone here on the forum has Let go or be dragged as the quote on the bottom of their signature..........great quote. Thanks.
  11. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    sister in law like the boudaries quote, Recovering. She said it was so true! She seems to be holding steady so far.