I'm new here, and appreciate the advice and support I have already received just by reading other threads. One issue that comes up often, is the "your house, your rules" -- which I wholeheartedly believe in. But I am stymied by how to stop my 17yo ODD son from having/using/smoking/consuming weed in my house. (Background: son dropped out of High School Oct. of this year, senior year, got GED 2 weeks later. Works 25-30 hrs week. Hangs with pot smoking, drinking friends, follows no house rules, no curfew, stays out all night etc. Has shoplifted and been caught several times; courts confrontations with authority, police. Has had probably 10 negative interactions with police that have come to our attention, but only 3 arrests. Is on juvenile probation. Smart kid, no mental health issues per the limited professionals who have worked with him (he will not participate in counseling any more, will not participate in drug counselling) )
He smokes pot in our home, contrary to our stated, clear, consistent rules. We seemingly have no privileges left to take away. We don't let him drive; we don't give allowance or any money. He has room and board, place to shower and do laundry. 18 is age of majority where we live in northeast US. I can't kick him out (in fact, in my state I can't even kick him out when he is 18, I have to legally evict him...). We have communicated why we don't want drugs in our home (we have 4 younger kids, it is against our values, it is not legal here, we have jobs that include a clearance/requirement to follow the law aspect, and we simply do not want that environment in our home)
We have said we can't control what he does out in the world, but our boundary is that in our house he can't possess or use drugs or alcohol, or have drug paraphernalia. He defies us daily - smokes in the bathroom with shower running; vapes in room; keeps bongs in room, orders bong online and has sent to our home; has empty Rx weed bottles lined up on dresser; has pot in baggies, grinders etc. When I search his room and find things, I take them and tell him that I have confiscated and destroyed/flushed, bc as he knows he may not have it here. But he keeps doing it. I can't handcuff myself to him or lock him in a room.
***What can I do to make this stop and enforce my boundary of no drugs/no drug use in my home?*** I feel like I am being held hostage in my own life...
He smokes pot in our home, contrary to our stated, clear, consistent rules. We seemingly have no privileges left to take away. We don't let him drive; we don't give allowance or any money. He has room and board, place to shower and do laundry. 18 is age of majority where we live in northeast US. I can't kick him out (in fact, in my state I can't even kick him out when he is 18, I have to legally evict him...). We have communicated why we don't want drugs in our home (we have 4 younger kids, it is against our values, it is not legal here, we have jobs that include a clearance/requirement to follow the law aspect, and we simply do not want that environment in our home)
We have said we can't control what he does out in the world, but our boundary is that in our house he can't possess or use drugs or alcohol, or have drug paraphernalia. He defies us daily - smokes in the bathroom with shower running; vapes in room; keeps bongs in room, orders bong online and has sent to our home; has empty Rx weed bottles lined up on dresser; has pot in baggies, grinders etc. When I search his room and find things, I take them and tell him that I have confiscated and destroyed/flushed, bc as he knows he may not have it here. But he keeps doing it. I can't handcuff myself to him or lock him in a room.
***What can I do to make this stop and enforce my boundary of no drugs/no drug use in my home?*** I feel like I am being held hostage in my own life...