You're not going to believe this.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Sep 17, 2012.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    E got too big for his britches last night. (OK I know you'll believe that part.) He didn't get physical with me or steal from me this time but it got past the point that I'm willing to tolerate. I called police, they came, one stayed outside with E and another came into house to talk to me. He seemed to be trying to provoke me to get angry- the policeman. He was saying it's my job to raise my son, not his or the state's, etc. I tried to excplain, then bit my tongue and just said I had no inclination or desire to argue with him or any gov official. I told him E and I just can't live together anymore. He said he was taking E in and would be issuing a warrant for me. Why would he issue a warrant for me? He said for calling 911 and making a false charge. I told him to do whatever he needed and I'd deal with it the best I could. I asked what he was charging E with and he said show-cause and failure to pay restitution in our old (original) jurisdiction. I told him that can't be right because I paid the only restitutiion I've been aware of long ago and E hasn't even been back in that county. Oh well. He said I'd have to come and pick E up after the booking or he'd have to put him in foster caare. I told him to put him in foster care.

    That was around 12:30 - 1:00 last night. 20 mins ago I get a call saying E will appear before a judge this morning to explain restitution issue. Where is he? In detention center in original jurisdiction! 2 hourss away from here! Now I KNOW that clerk put in her system that the restitution was paid. Idon't see how this deputy was allowed to drive E there but maybe they came up here and got him during the night. I wouldn't even be able to find my copy of the receipt showing zero balance, call into work, get showered/dressed and drive there by 8:30 this morning.

    I think they know it's a bogus charge- what I don't understand is why can't they haul E's rear back to this jurisdiction once they figure that out. Even if in foster care they are required to keep him as close as home as possible, at least to start out with, unless physical harm is at stake- at least I thought. They are saying I have to be there to be released to. I told the deputy here last night not to expect me to pick him up (he told me they were booking him here and he'd be here). He's a minor- he either goes to parent or dss. HUH HUH- well doesn't he have to be brought back to parents' jurissdiction either way if it's shown THEY made a mistake on the charges?

    I don't know if it's true that this jurisdiction is going to file charges against me for calling in last night but I don't see how they could make that stick when they have taken him 2 hours away for not paying something that is in the clerk's system that he paid- or I should say- I paid.

    I have a feeling this goes back to the fact that E isn't in the courts system here in this jurisdiction so the only court that can alter his original Department of Juvenile Justice sentence/order for parole is that original jurisdiction, unless he committed another offense that they know about and can charge him with.

    I'm really inclined to go back to bed for another 30-45 mins then go to work and let them figure it out on their own this time. If they chrage me with abandonment, I'll just have to deal with it. I'm sure not going down the road of "services" to keep him in the home again.

    I'm soo0o looking forward to explaining this to my new supervisor. Not.
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2012
  2. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    This sounds horrible! And stressfull!
    Hope all works out well....sorry, dont have any further suggestions! But hugs coming your way!
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Oh, hon. Just :hugs: and let us know.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Who am I kidding...I can't get any more sleep this morning. I did find the receipt for the restitution being paid off...good thing I kept that with vital records when we moved here. Really, even the deputy who called this morning sounded like he knew this was bogus. I have to call PO and sd and inform them.

    Ya know, when E was sent to Department of Juvenile Justice the 2nd time after a few rounds in deetention in a shhort period of time, it appeared to me the driving force was a battle between local jurisdiction and state over lack of funding. This seems like a battle between jurisdictions over parole supervision. They are supervising E here as a transfer and the original jurisdiction was the one they just took him to. Honestly, I can't see any abandonment charge (if they do that) going anywhere given the past situations and the fact that they took E outt of jurisdiction for a bogus charge and then expect me to go THERE to get him. Yeah, right. I don't see any legal way that jurisdiction can hold him after seeing clerk's file later this morning and I don't see how dss would take E in their system in that jurisdiction- don't they have tobring him back to this county since he's a minor?
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    What a mess. So sorry! I have no answers. I'd call them and see if you can do any of it over the phone and save yourself a trip. You don't want them adding charges on top of the apparently already bogus charge.
    (Sort of like adding an interest payment to a late fee that wasn't late to begin with, Know what I mean??)
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm so sorry that he went back to his old ways so quickly. With him being 17, I doubt things will be handled the way they would for a younger child. Social services will put him wherever they have room, regardless of county. His goal will likely be independent living and not return home so they won't prioritize placing him near you.

    I would not put your job at risk. Just fax your receipt to the courthouse and let E's public defender deal with it.
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Personally I would get him home asap. He's paid dearly for his mistakes two years ago or more. I have been so impressed that he transitioned as well as he did after all the trauma. My guess is that the stress of the class changes, the graduation questions, the passed down stress of know today was a deadline and knowing either way it went he would be in a high anxiety position...resulted in non violent but difficult child choices. I would not let the system get hold of him again. Good luck. DDD
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well, he's home now. The judge who did the arraignment pulled the file to check on restitution owed (apparently they normally don't take those steps during an arraignment so E was lucky) and saw that it had been paid in full, last year before the deadline. According to the attny who called me, the judge commented on "this being ridiculous" and ordered an immediate release with a full dismissal of the whole thing. I had already called sd to inform them of why E was absent today.

    The detention center said if I didn't come within a few hours, they would be calling dss and filing abandonment charges. While I'm not too worried about dss involvement (I've learned that dss can't take physical custody as long as a kid is under Department of Juvenile Justice supervision- ie, parole or probation), it would monkey with charges against me, E being doG knows where but not nearby, and really koi'ing his school year. So I went to pick him up but refused to sign papers accepting custody/responsibility until the detention supervisor came out and spoke with us, I had confiscated E's cell, E made his decision between further charges and incarceration, a group home, or coming home on my terms not his, and we had "an agreement of terms".

    Yes, he has come a HUGE way, but we all know, it doesn't meam from Department of Juvenile Justice as a young teen to easy child adult is a straight shot.

    DDD- I also think there is a direct correlation between the sd issues, lack of current friends/social life, and this sudden "compulsion" to stay on the phone with young men he was incarcerated with lately. Still, I have to be hard-fast on the "zero-tolerance" things- which really wasn't the late-night, compulsive phone usage- it was the way he responded and acted toward me when I told him to stop for the night. That's where it crossed a BIG line.

    One of the things brought out in our talk with the detention people is that while we can all see his typical teen desire to be independent at his age, if he can't/won't/doesn't let go of the "life" of incarceration, he can't move on to the bigger and better things and it would most likely lead him right back there.

    PS As we were driving the 2 hours home this afternoon, we got the call from the sd that they would "waive" (LOL- it's state regs) the requirement for an extra course to graduate. So E can graduate around the week he turns 18 if he's so determined to get away from me and start his adult life. He'll have to pay his own way, car insurance and all.....and I'll save the money for his college should he decide to go next fall. Or he can take some classes at a community college. Should he decide that life with me is tolerable for a few more mos, then he can take more college prep classes in HS and graduate with the others in spring and pursue college as the typical teen does.

    He needs to learn that our choices of what we want aren't that hard to get if we do our part. It's really knowing what you want and making the choices we can live with that's the hard part, in my humble opinion.

    Funny how all these hours he's spent on the phone and texting young men he was in Department of Juvenile Justice with was worth doing all he did toward me and then, he "got" to spend the wee hours of the morning with another one at the detention center "catching up" since that young man had just been re-incarcerated, too, and E decided "oh Hell NO" he didn't want to stay there.

    E canblame me for one thing after another all he wants and these stupid (pardon me) immature, inexperienced workers can believe it, but the one thing that has held constant- it's always been over friendship and feeling accepted by peers- which all REAL MH profs said came from his father not being in his life. Such a no-brainer to me and them but such a mountain of complexity to those in the system for some reason.
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2012
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It's a tough balancing act, isn't it.
    Glad you got a judge with some common sense!
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    thank you! The attny who called said he was lucky because this was a sit-in judge from an adjacent county- not one assigned to that county.
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Whew/Phew. I'm glad you all are home safe and sound. Not having a Dad in his life likely is an issue. on the other hand having a Dad who pops into your life and then disappears with-o a word...that's an issue. And an awful lot of teen boys have had abusive Dads in their lives. As a Feminist I have a real "thing" about male absence in parenting. Sigh. The Dad issue combined with the developmental stages of that age added to extended isolation from "normal" society...poor E has a heck of alot to cope with now and in the future. I'm rooting for him and for you. DDD
  12. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Ditto DDD....I totally agree with everything she said. Hugs to E and you.