Hi everyone. You guys are my last resort. I don't know what to do anymore.
Here is my problem...
My boy was a stellar, polite, loving, caring boy with a great attitude, lots of friends and great grades. Teachers loved him. Everyone did. That was just before he turned 15. Things are a bit different now.
2 summers ago, he met the 'town kids' who he started hanging around with. Turns out, they all smoked cigarettes and pot. They aren't made to go to school, shower, be home at a certain time, nothing. Their parent's allow their lives to be similar to a free for all. Unfortunately, I didn't know this at the time. I found all this out when my son was arrested for drug paraphilia (pot and a bowl).
He didn't end up getting probation, but a slap on the wrist. That was pretty much all. Since then, things have been hell with him. Last year, he failed most of his sophomore year in high school. He received 2 credits out of 12, because he didn't do any of the work. He has been increasingly irresponsible around the house and has most of his focus on his 'friends' and his girlfriend.
This past summer, he and his girlfriend were arrested for stealing things out of vehicles parked on side streets. Of the things stolen, a loaded handgun was taken. They both admitted to taking it and throwing it into the river..... They were both charged with a Class B felony, along with other smaller charges for different thefts.
My boy was put on probation with only a few limitations. No smoking pot, no skipping school, things like that. Since then, his behavior, as far as getting into trouble has subsided, although he is still hanging around with all them trouble maker kids down the street.
However, this year in high school is no better than last year. He is 'making up' classes from his sophomore year. His grades are 20's and below. He makes zero effort to do any work or homework. Still.
I've taken his electronics away as a punishment for his lack of effort and responsibility toward school.
Last night, he had a Smart phone he 'found' in the woods. He can access the internet and facebook to communicate with his girlfriend. Since he is grounded from electronics, I found it devious and disrespectful for him to be using another phone. I told him I wanted it. He refused to give it to me. I gave him 2 choices. Either give me the phone or leave my house. He left. He packed a small bag of clothes and didn't take any of his school books with him. I'm guessing he went down to his 'friends' house that lives a 1/4 mile away and probably didn't go to school today.
I am at my wits end with him. Now, he's probably carrying around a stolen phone. Maybe he didn't steal it, but it's not his, regardless. I left a message for his probation officer last night, saying he chose to leave. So far, I haven't heard from her today.
Do you think I'm over reacting? As far as him not following my house rules, it's not just the phone thing. He takes his 9 year old sisters snacks and lies about it. He will eat all her stuff and put all the trash in his dresser drawer, then he calls her a drama queen when she's upset her stuff is missing. He rifles through my room when I'm not home. I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth, because he's proven that he's not trustworthy.
I don't want him to leave, but I feel like tough love and a reality check is in order here. His sister is seeing us argue about him lying and sneaking things, bad grades, and so on. I'm hoping that once he gets a taste of the real world, he will see how gravy he has it at home with his sister and myself.
What do you think about all this? It's making me crazy because it's so constant for the last 2 years.
Thank you for useful advice.
~Jenn
Here is my problem...
My boy was a stellar, polite, loving, caring boy with a great attitude, lots of friends and great grades. Teachers loved him. Everyone did. That was just before he turned 15. Things are a bit different now.
2 summers ago, he met the 'town kids' who he started hanging around with. Turns out, they all smoked cigarettes and pot. They aren't made to go to school, shower, be home at a certain time, nothing. Their parent's allow their lives to be similar to a free for all. Unfortunately, I didn't know this at the time. I found all this out when my son was arrested for drug paraphilia (pot and a bowl).
He didn't end up getting probation, but a slap on the wrist. That was pretty much all. Since then, things have been hell with him. Last year, he failed most of his sophomore year in high school. He received 2 credits out of 12, because he didn't do any of the work. He has been increasingly irresponsible around the house and has most of his focus on his 'friends' and his girlfriend.
This past summer, he and his girlfriend were arrested for stealing things out of vehicles parked on side streets. Of the things stolen, a loaded handgun was taken. They both admitted to taking it and throwing it into the river..... They were both charged with a Class B felony, along with other smaller charges for different thefts.
My boy was put on probation with only a few limitations. No smoking pot, no skipping school, things like that. Since then, his behavior, as far as getting into trouble has subsided, although he is still hanging around with all them trouble maker kids down the street.
However, this year in high school is no better than last year. He is 'making up' classes from his sophomore year. His grades are 20's and below. He makes zero effort to do any work or homework. Still.
I've taken his electronics away as a punishment for his lack of effort and responsibility toward school.
Last night, he had a Smart phone he 'found' in the woods. He can access the internet and facebook to communicate with his girlfriend. Since he is grounded from electronics, I found it devious and disrespectful for him to be using another phone. I told him I wanted it. He refused to give it to me. I gave him 2 choices. Either give me the phone or leave my house. He left. He packed a small bag of clothes and didn't take any of his school books with him. I'm guessing he went down to his 'friends' house that lives a 1/4 mile away and probably didn't go to school today.
I am at my wits end with him. Now, he's probably carrying around a stolen phone. Maybe he didn't steal it, but it's not his, regardless. I left a message for his probation officer last night, saying he chose to leave. So far, I haven't heard from her today.
Do you think I'm over reacting? As far as him not following my house rules, it's not just the phone thing. He takes his 9 year old sisters snacks and lies about it. He will eat all her stuff and put all the trash in his dresser drawer, then he calls her a drama queen when she's upset her stuff is missing. He rifles through my room when I'm not home. I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth, because he's proven that he's not trustworthy.
I don't want him to leave, but I feel like tough love and a reality check is in order here. His sister is seeing us argue about him lying and sneaking things, bad grades, and so on. I'm hoping that once he gets a taste of the real world, he will see how gravy he has it at home with his sister and myself.
What do you think about all this? It's making me crazy because it's so constant for the last 2 years.
Thank you for useful advice.
~Jenn