19 year old son and marijuana use

Klila

New Member
Hi everyone, I just joined the group today.
My son is 19 and competed his freshman year of college this spring. He did well in school both semesters. In May he and I had a talk before he left for a 2 week ski bum trip out west. He told me that he didn’t use drugs or alcohol during high school, but that he did in college and he was relieved to tell me he said, as we are pretty close. I didn’t say much to him at the time, probably because I was in shock. Lately he’s been crabbier, and my husband and I have put some pieces together.


My husband and I just found a pipe and marijuana in our son’s car this morning. Left it there cuz we weren’t ready to talk to him yet, but want to very soon. We want to get some sort of plan agreed upon between the two of us. I am sick to my stomach and feel so unsure of what to do. He’s never given us a reason not to trust him until now.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Hi. I am sorry you have to be here.

One thing I did with my daughter (and i thought she was only using pot but they dont tell us the worst) was to take her car keys. I refused to let her drive impared in my house. After we had to make her leave because my little kids saw her high too much, she did manage to get "friends" to let her use their cars and had two serious accidents in them that were her fault. She ended up owing one lady $14,000 which we would not help her pay until years of her being clean.Drugs were one area where we were very tough and glad because for our kid it worked.

Driving is one way to start the conservation with your son. I would have taken the pot and paraphanalia and thrown it in a public garbage can. I had done that to my daughter many times. She would say it belonged to someone else and we said it didnt matter. None of that was allowed on our property. We didnt believe it anyway.

He should not be driving while high. And you dont know yet what he uses or how impared he gets. They tend to not be do honest, no matter gow close they were to us, both when they go to college and especially when they start abusing drugs Alcohol is a big bad one to drive on while impaired. Sadly most kids do not think, and they believe they can drive fine impaired. Many on this site have had kids in horrible car accidents due to different forms of intoxication.

My daughter could have died or killed someone else. She had an angel.

If the car is under your.name you may be responsible for an impaired accident.

This is an important issue. You are paying for college? You are paying for an academic education, not for him to learn about driniking and drug abuse and ,no not all college kids abuse drugs. Dont buy it. You will hear it.

in my opinion this is not the time to be soft. Drugs are potentially life destroying. Even pot. Even booze on the road or if you get alcohol poisining.

Dont be afraid to get tough with your kid. This is a dangerous issue. Your house/your dime/your rules.

Love and light.
 
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Klila

New Member
Thanks for your response somewhereoutthere. We are sort of shell shocked today, I just found more pot in his bedroom. We are going to talk to him tonight. I want to take his keys away too. He works 2 jobs so logistically that will be a challenge for him. We haven’t had to be hard on him much at all growing up, so now this is hard. I’m physically sick to my stomach.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Its never easy, but in my opinion drugs are serious stuff. Chances are if he is a daily pot smoker his grades in school will not be good as it progresses. Also, they often admit to pot but sometimes they do harder stuff and dont tell us and then we are shocked when we find out. He is lucky he has jobs that dont drug test.

Sometimes our good kids in high school cant handle the freedom at college. But as parents we have to try to get tough so that they dont go off the rails. It is not a good sign that your son thinks its okay to flaunt his pot use. That shows he expects you to accept it and also shows a lack of respect for you. Weirdly, to me it shows more respect if they at least try not to let you know they are doing it in your house or actually smoke off your property rather than putting it where you will see it. I would have gotten rid of it. Not in my house. I would go in my daughters purse and throw out even her cigarettes. No smoking anything in our house. My house/ my rules.

My daughter quit her hard drugs and cigarettes. Nothing we did to try to stop her from using drugs felt good.
 
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toughlovin

Well-Known Member
Ok here are my thoughts. First dont panic or over react. I think many kids in college smoke pot. A lot depends on how much and how often. I have 2 kids, one with a serioud drug problem and the other a very together who has finished college. My together kid admitted to trying pot in college.

So there are several good signs... he didnt ise drugs before college. He did well in school. He talked to you about it. All of that is really positive. I do agree you need to talk with him more. At this point I would approach it more about teying to find out where he is at how much he is smoking and in what situations.
 
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