Update Son

[Helpless29]

I haven’t posted on here for awhile, I think last I posted my son was in jail, he spent 4 months in Jacksonville Florida jail for burglary & picked up more felonies. He was released a month ago & decide to come back to Chicago, he really had no plan once he arrived ,no where to go , just decided to come back just like his other impulse decisions he makes, I did try to convince him to go to another sober living be he didn’t want to.
Fast forward to today he’s been out here for a month. Me, his dad & grandparents having been paying for him to stay in a motel so he can get back on his feet . I did go visit him with his little brothers , this was the first time we had seen him in 3 years. It was nice to see him & for his little brothers to reconnect with him again. Well I agreed to only pay for a motel for a month , he did get a job as a cook at Dennys but then quit because he said he got a job at Amazon but come to find out it’s not even 100% guaranteed yet . I can’t afford to pay the hotel anymore, even splitting 3 ways it coming out to be a lot, I don’t know why he would quit Dennys he was making $18 a hour for a job that’s not even guaranteed yet at Amazon. I feel guilty because if I don’t pay for hotel anymore , he will be back to being homeless, but we can’t afford it anymore. And I feel like he’s not putting alot of effort into anything ,I know he’s pretty much just sleeping around with so many different girls since he’s been back in the hotel . It’s like he’s carefree on our expense.

 

[Copabanana]

, I don’t know why he would quit Dennys he was making $18 a hour for a job that’s not even guaranteed yet at Amazon.

Hi Helpless. I have missed you. I can't believe it was 3 years that you didn't see your son. It seems like a few months ago. I am sorry you are suffering.

You know the answer. He is impulsive. He has always landed on his feet. This is his lifestyle. He doesn't think like you do. He feels like you guys will keep softening his landings. He will live this was as long as he wants to. Until he gets tired of it.

I feel guilty because if I don’t pay for hotel anymore , he will be back to being homeless, but we can’t afford it anymore.

This is his clear choice. He is choosing how to live, and it is how he wants to live. Why should you bankroll this?

like he’s carefree on our expense.

That is because he is.

 

[lovemysons]

Hi Helpless…

Curious how your son looked after 3 years of not seeing him? Did he sound just the same as the last time you saw him?
Also…what about the charges in Jacksonville? No probation?

I sure understand not wanting him to end up homeless again. I hated this for my deceased son as well but my son wouldn’t live by our rules and even told us we could not control what substances he put in his body. True unfortunately.

Please don’t feel guilty for being unable to help your son any further. He’s been blessed to have you as a mom…never giving up on him. But he needs to start depending on himself to make ends meet. And that doesn’t mean breaking the law to do it.

I’m sorry he’s put you in the position to have to say No to him again. But it’s not your fault.
He needs to learn from his mistakes. Then you can have a supportive role. Otherwise he’s just taking advantage of your kindness and living for the moment without any thought for tomorrow.

 

[Helpless29]

Hi Helpless. I have missed you. I can't believe it was 3 years that you didn't see your son. It seems like a few months ago. I am sorry you are suffering.

You know the answer. He is impulsive. He has always landed on his feet. This is his lifestyle. He doesn't think like you do. He feels like you guys will keep softening his landings. He will live this was as long as he wants to. Until he gets tired of it.

This is his clear choice. He is choosing how to live, and it is how he wants to live. Why should you bankroll this?

That is because he is.

Copa how is your son doing? Have you seen him?

 

[Helpless29]

Hi Helpless…

Curious how your son looked after 3 years of not seeing him? Did he sound just the same as the last time you saw him?
Also…what about the charges in Jacksonville? No probation?

I sure understand not wanting him to end up homeless again. I hated this for my deceased son as well but my son wouldn’t live by our rules and even told us we could not control what substances he put in his body. True unfortunately.

Please don’t feel guilty for being unable to help your son any further. He’s been blessed to have you as a mom…never giving up on him. But he needs to start depending on himself to make ends meet. And that doesn’t mean breaking the law to do it.

I’m sorry he’s put you in the position to have to say No to him again. But it’s not your fault.
He needs to learn from his mistakes. Then you can have a supportive role. Otherwise he’s just taking advantage of your kindness and living for the moment without any thought for tomorrow.

He looked good, his dad took him to get a haircut & to get new clothes so when I seen him he looked nice. He just seemed so happy, I think it’s because he hasn’t seen his family in so long. No he didn’t get probation, the first time they offered him 6 months & 2 years probation & he refused it & then when he went back to court a few months later , they dropped one of the the charges & let him go with time served, but he is a convicted felon now.

 

[lovemysons]

I’m glad you got to see your son for the first time in 3 years all cleaned up. Sounds like a happy reunion.

I think it was Crayola on the board who posted a list of companies the hire those with Felonies on their record. I’m not sure where that post is though…maybe General Forum. If you get that list, maybe you could print it and give that to him. Also maybe one of the girls he’s involved with will give him a place to stay in the meantime. Hopefully they’re using birth control!

 

[lovemysons]

Found it Helpless…it’s in parenting news.

 

[Helpless29]

Thank you!

 

[lovemysons]

You’re welcome sweetie

 

[Copabanana]

Copa how is your son doing? Have you seen him?

Hi Helpless
I have seen him. As soon as 6 weeks or so ago. He is homeless in San Francisco, about 3 hours from where I live. He is acting kinder to me, but very mentally ill which but scares me, rattles me, and makes me very, very sad. We are in touch by occasional text and phone call.

 

[lovemysons]

I’m so sorry you are still going through this Copa and Helpless.

I almost hate to admit the relief I have now since my son passed away. For 19 years I suffered along side him and always felt the pain I knew he was going through.

Now I know my son is in heaven waiting for me. He is no longer homeless or addicted to a drug suffering everyday.

How I wish he had survived though and turned his life around while he was here to make new and better choices. I miss his hugs, his smile, his jokes, his deep intellect and more. He had such a beautiful heart.

I pray your sons will turn it around one of these days soon so you all can stop suffering too and get some relief while they are still alive.

I still tell Jarod how much I love him and can hear him in my mind telling me “I love you too mama. I’m sorry.”

 

[Crayola13]

I hope he’s being careful with all those different girls.

 

[february]

I’m so sorry you are still going through this Copa and Helpless.

I almost hate to admit the relief I have now since my son passed away. For 19 years I suffered along side him and always felt the pain I knew he was going through.

Now I know my son is in heaven waiting for me. He is no longer homeless or addicted to a drug suffering everyday.

How I wish he had survived though and turned his life around while he was here to make new and better choices. I miss his hugs, his smile, his jokes, his deep intellect and more. He had such a beautiful heart.

I pray your sons will turn it around one of these days soon so you all can stop suffering too and get some relief while they are still alive.

I still tell Jarod how much I love him and can hear him in my mind telling me “I love you too mama. I’m sorry.”

I also lost my son almost a year ago, it was tough to deal with his menta illness and addiction. But I wish I could take him back I wish they would still be here just like you're saying. Turn their life around, get a second chance in life. I sure do miss my son as well. Love, Richard's mom

 

[lovemysons]

I’m sorry February. It’s so sad. The first year of my son’s passing was the hardest. My emotions were all over the map and I hurt a lot of people I love during that first year of grieving. There are so many if only’s before we get to a place of acceptance. But ultimately we have to know and believe in our hearts that they are no longer suffering and that one day, when it is our turn, we’ll be together again.
What a happy reunion that will be!

If you need someone to talk to about what you are going through I am here for you on the board or private message.

Be gentle with yourself and others. This is the worst.

 

[february]

I’m sorry February. It’s so sad. The first year of my son’s passing was the hardest. My emotions were all over the map and I hurt a lot of people I love during that first year of grieving. There are so many if only’s before we get to a place of acceptance. But ultimately we have to know and believe in our hearts that they are no longer suffering and that one day, when it is our turn, we’ll be together again.
What a happy reunion that will be!

If you need someone to talk to about what you are going through I am here for you on the board or private message.

Be gentle with yourself and others. This is the worst.

Thank you.

 

[Copabanana]

How are you Helpless?