Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Nov 7, 2008.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    He must have been lieing about the last phone call- I think he called the boy. He was acting like he was sneaking around, I told him to get back in the house. He smarted off then I said he needed the supervision of a 2 year old and that I couldn't take it anymore. Then he came back in, then he snuck out and left. Our display area on the phone is messed up from his last rage when he threw the phone so I can only read the top line, however, I pushed redial and it beeped 10 times instead of 7- that boy's cell phone is from a different area and it's the only local person who requires 10 digits to call. So, difficult child had to have called him last.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    If the **** PO would have at least called and read him the riot act it might have helped prevent this.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I hate that the PO has undermined you so much. He clearlyisn't listening to you. It is hard when our kids get to be that age because we really can't choose their friends, even when those friends get them into major trouble. I hope he is not spiralling.

    Many hugs,

  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Now that I think about it, I forgot to give him his medications this morning. I was just glad he got up and went to schiool on time and I was writing him a note for yesterday and writing a check so he could join a club and I just remembered- I didn't give him his medications. Should I call police and tell them I forgot? They won't even look for him at this point and it will send him to court.
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member


    I'm sorry you are going through this. As far as telling them about not giving the medications i'm just not sure and wouldn't want to guide you the wrong way on this it's far too important.

    I just wanted to let you know I'm here too and I'm sorry it can be such a challenge it truly can be.

    *Can not giving the medication create that type of behavior so suddenly??
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    He's back. I'll try to give him medications now. Yes, I think missing the am dose of MS could effect him by evening, though I'm not positive. Anyway, he came back before I called cops. But, when the man calls on Mon (assuming someone actually gets somewhere with this pursuit) I think I will be telling him that we need more. And, I think I wioll be calling PO's higher ups to tell them if difficult child is going to live at home, we need another PO and I'll file a complaint if I have to. But, having a PO that undermines my authority by trying to play family therapist and telling difficult child that I am just over-protective with him instead of backing up my authority and the rules of the house is worse than having no one to help at all.

    And, there's always that chance that we might not make it through the weekend without the cops being called.
  7. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Agree with you 200% on that one. When difficult child had a PO, ours basically told difficult child that as his parents, we could basically make him do or do not do anything we wanted. WE were the parents, it was OUR house and OUR rules. Course he was also very inconsistant with violations so I guess it kind of balanced out on the "great PO" scale.

    Here's to a decent weekend.
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    klmno - "Now that I think about it, I forgot to give him his medications this morning"


    Jennifer - "*Can not giving the medication create that type of behavior so suddenly??"


    "having a PO that undermines my authority by trying to play family therapist and telling difficult child that I am just over-protective with him instead of backing up my authority and the rules of the house is worse than having no one to help at all."

    Good for you. That PO doesn't live with you, he hasn't got a clue what you're trying to do (as in, HIS job as well, by the sound of it).

    klmno - "He's back. I'll try to give him medications now."

    It's all you can do. I do think it could be a factor, especially if you suspect his dosage is a bit low for him. That would mean that he would become symptomatic more quickly after missing a dose.

    Hang in there. At least it's the weekend. As for this other kid - difficult child is 13. He's a babe. He's confused and at some level, even a kid who is trouble and a nuisance may feel better than being ignored by everyone. I think difficult child needs to talk to you about how he feels, about loneliness and about feeling useless and always in the wrong (of course, partly because he does stuff up at times).

    Where does he go when he walks out? Is there somewhere on your property that would do the same job for him? difficult child 1 used to go climb our tallest tree (often dressed like a ninja) and just sit there, often in the dark. You couldn't even find him with a torch. But I could generally 'feel' where he was and if I listened carefully, I'd hear him fidget. Possums sound different. (my my, his wife is in for an interesting time... two weeks to the wedding and counting. Yes, it can happen for them.)

    Hang in there. I know I keep saying that. Just get some extra-strength nail hardener onto your fingernails so you can keep your grip in the crevices on the cliff edge. And claw out the PO when you see him.

  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thanks mstang and Marg! difficult child went to hang out with the other boy for a short while. Go figure. This has to stop before difficult child ends up doing something very bad for a 13yo kid who's on probation with a suspended sentence and taking MS's for BiPolar (BP).

    Fortunately, difficult child starts his actual individual sessions with therapist on Mon. I can only hope and pray that this therapist really does understand the problem.

    I did a little research and it looks like the courts may not be in session all day on Fridays, so maybe that is why I never heard from the judge's clerk. I had spoken with the PO's supervisor months ago about a different issue and all he did was make excuses for her (the PO), so I'm not holding my breath on that being helpful.
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh- I do agree that difficult child needs to talk to me. He gets this way after he's been depressed or cycling for a while- where he just shuts me out. I know that if the lines of communication aren't re-opened, it will lead to him going into full blown mania, and one of these days it will probably lead to him self-medicating. But, I can only push it so far, Know what I mean?? I can't really force him to open up to me. So far, I just have to take a tough-love approach when he gets this way and it has worked, so far.
  11. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am so sorry difficult child is making these bad choices. I do hope you get some more help on Monday. You are right, PO is suppose to support your parenting choices, not belittle them. Remember that Tuesday is Veteran's Day so many government office will be closed.
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    So sorry he's being less than cooperative. Hope his therapist is helpful. Hugs to you.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending hugs. I am not surprised the courts are not open on Fridays. The judges here have some screwy schedules (have to fit in time for golf, ya know?).

    As for the PO, even if the supervisor wasn't helpful last time, you still need to complain, document the complaint in writing, and start the process to make an official complaint. this PO has done enough to mess up your son's life. If you get nowhere with this supervisor, well, HE has a boss too. There will be a chain of command you can climb. Just be SURE to document each conversation/complaint in WRITING (send a follow-up note via certified mail) and don't skip any steps in the chain of command. You don't want someone to say, "Well, you didn't complain to supervisor X, so start at the beginning.".

    It sure does seem like you have gotten WAY more than your share of problems lately. Know that I am praying for you (and rattling beads and will even do a nekkid chicken liver dance that difficult child finds a new friend and that you get a better PO!)

  14. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Sending many hugs.

    You know who comes to mind to contact is timer lady. She seems to know the ropes of the social service systems backwards and forwards. I know tweedle 2 is in a group foster home paid for by the state. And who is our other member that had kanga admitted to a group home via the state? Can't remember her name right off the top of my head, JJJ?

    Have you looked into CHINS or PINS yet?

    Hang in there girl.