25 yo BiPolar Son

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Sharnie, Apr 23, 2018.

  1. Sharnie

    Sharnie New Member

    Good Morning:

    Thank you for letting me join this forum. I am so lost I do not know where to turn. I have a 25 year old son that was diagnosed with BiPolar, ADHD, and ODD when he was younger. I have had trouble with him since he was 5 years old. It is getting harder day by day. To give a little background, at age 17 he refused to go to school and take his medications. I had to kick him out of my home for violence at that time. He has lived with friends and my Mom. And he had to leave those places because of violence and many other things.

    He now has 3 babies (2, 1, 0) and is back living with me. They only reason I let him leave with me is because they became homeless and I did not want my grandkids on the streets. I gave him rules he would have to go by before I said he could stay. Well it is really bad at my home now. He has taken over most of my home and I stay in my bedroom constantly. I come out to go to the kitchen or leave for work. He has gotten violently angry when I try to confront him about doing things around my home that I do not want. I am going broke helping them. He yells at me and tells me I am a b*tch, I'm selfish, I've never done anything for him, etc. He also tells me that I locked him up in a mental facility when he was young because I did not want him.

    These things are far from true. He was in a mental facility because he took a bat to his brother and many other things.

    I am so depressed. I want him out of my home, but I cannot put my grand kids on the streets. They have no where to go because no one wants them to live with them. I do not know what to do, I just cannot take this stress much longer. I sit and dream of running away. But that is not fair to my other kids and family. Everyone tells me to kick him out. And yes I know I should. but in all serious, those babies will suffer. How do they get help from the state for them to get their on place?

    I know this is rambling.......but my brain is so jumbled up with stress and worry.

    Thank you for listening
    Sharnie
     
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I would go for custody of the grandkids and get violent son out. He can't be a good influence for the kids. Call CPS! Call today!

    lmo you may have to make them all leave anyhow eventually. Are you young enough to handle three babies and the other babies he will no doubt foolishly have? The babies may be better off in foster care. Where is the mother?

    Are you rich enough to take care of them? You better hang on to your money. This abusive son will NOT be there for you in your time of need. He will head for the hills if YOU need anything.

    Do you have a spouse or supportive family system or kind friends? You shouldn't have to give up your house or your money.

    Again...call CPS. If he takes drugs, tell CPS. Foster care is another option.

    Too bad you can't talk your son into a vasectomy. No end to how many kids he could father and he is NOT going to take care of them.

    Have you ever been in therapy? There is low cost therapy in most counties and you can also use your pastor.

    Love and light to you!
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2018
  3. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Hello and so sorry for what you are going through. If you are using your real name, you may want to email runaway bunny to have her change it to something else. This forum can be seen by anyone, even if they do not have an account, and you want to protect your privacy.

    You are definitely stuck between a rock and a hard place. Sadly, it seems your son is not going to change. He is violent and mentally ill and he is a danger to you and most likely his children as well. It is a shame that innocent babies are involved in his insane life. Where is their mother and/or their mother's parents? Can they assist you in terms of their care.

    If I were you I would call the police and press charges against your son for the violence he is displaying at your home currently. If there is not a biological mother for these children in the picture and you want custody of them, I would contact a family law attorney to begin that process. I am fearful of how your son might react. From what you describe it seems that he can be extremely threatening and violent. It is probably best, for your own safety, that you not only evict your son but also obtain a restraining order against him.

    Honest but hard question: do you think your son is a stable parent to these children? If they were to get their own place, wouldn't your grandchildren be in a bad situation with an abusive and unstable father? It sounds like these babies desperately need another guardian. If their mother is not available, then perhaps you or their mom's parents, or a loving foster family.

    Without legal guardianship unfortunately, you have no right to the children and you have to decide if you are willing to sacrifice your financial well-being and potentially, your life (if your son really goes off the deep end and murders you) in order to keep this all going.

    It is not easy, we are all here. Keep posting. Sometimes what we have to say can seem hurtful. It isn't intended that way. We have all seen things many more fortunate parents would never dream possible.
     
  4. Sharnie

    Sharnie New Member

    Thank you for the replies. The mother of the babies lives with me as well. Her family will not help and do not want them living with them. He loves his kids, that I know. He is not violent towards them but the yelling he does in front of them. I am not married and have no family. This is exactly why I don't want to put them out is because of the babies. But I am stressed to the max.
     
  5. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome, S

    They need to call social services and apply for housing.

    If they are homeless or about to be, they will probably get fast-tracked into a place. Personally, I would tell social services that they must be out of your house within the week. They can get emergency housing in a shelter or social services may even get them a motel for a short while, since they have young children.

    There is a reason that your daughter-in-law’s family won’t take them in. They know they won’t respect the home.

    You first obligation is to your minor children, S.

    Stay with us and let us know you are OK.
     
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  6. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    What is the mother like is she stable or a decent parent? If so i would consider just kicking out your son and getting a restraining order. They can love their children but it doesnt make them good parents. Have social services set up supervised visits where you are not the supervisor. Have them outline that if he wants to be with his children he has to get treatment and control his temper. If he violates the restraining order call the police. I do not say that lightly i have had to do it. He will not change his behaviors unless he is strongly motivated to do so. He has to understand that his behavior is the problem. You say he doesnt hurt the kids but i am sure there is psychological damage being done. Also what if he throws something and accidentally hits one of them. I have had to keep my grandchildren away from my son he would not hurt them but my fears are the same as i told you. He can be sweet and loving when he is with them but when he has a break he is unpredictable. If he has to go to jail he is safe and you are safe. As far as the money once he is safely out do not give him anything. He should be giving you or their mother money not the other way around. If he has to go to a shelter or another public service they will direct him to help. Until he accepts that he can not be around. Just so you know my son has the same diagnosis and alot of the same history. If you dont want mom and kids there you could help them to get aide and set up elsewhere hopefully she will keep him under a restraining order as well. Best of luck.