30 Year Old Son. Wont work. Wont move out. Wont sign on.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by MRWILSON1311, Jan 15, 2018.

  1. MRWILSON1311

    MRWILSON1311 New Member

    Hi all.

    Just to clarify im posting this on behalf of my mother as shes worried about any implications of posting this or getting help ( to stubbon ).

    So my brother. My mums son. Is 30 years old. He simply treats the family like something on his shoe. ( if he had any ).

    He refuses to work for anything less then 13 pound an hour without qualifications or a driving license. Which he expects to find within a minute from the family home

    He doesnt do any house work. Doesnt pay rent. Bill's or Council tax.

    He refuses to sign on. Or says he will sign on but never does.

    I (mother) now has a 7872 pound council rent bill because he hasnt signed on so they think hes been working so they re calculated a few years of higher rent payments.


    I moved out when i was 17 when i joined the military. I now work a full time job and live on my own. But every time i go home my mums on edge about money saying the wrong thing to him or putting her foot down. I get that the first problem is that she needs to grow some and do something any suggestions on helping her?

    What can my mum do? She kicked him out when he was 18 but he caused mayhem. So mum gave in and let him back in
    So. Any suggestions on what she can do? Shes to scared to do anything in my opinion. But wondering on amy professional help.

    Appreciate any help. Thoughts. questions and suggestions

    J
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. Most of us are from the U.S. and don't know about UK housing, but I assume there is no law that you can't force a 30 year old man, whether or not you gave birth to him, out of your home.

    Now about the mayhem. In the U.S. you can get a restraining order. And many of us do. It is madness to give in to a 30 year old who abuses you just because he throws a huge toddler tantrum.

    I don't know if you have legal options or not. Maybe call a lawyer for your mom? But...

    Sounds like mom is unwilling to make him get out though and I don't think there are magic words to say to force her to realize she is being abused by son and stunting his growth. That he will not die and just may get a job if he spends a few nights on the street. He will not freeze to death or starve to death.

    If Mom can't see this and your words fall on deaf ears, there is sadly not a thing you can do except back off/detach from the situation and keep living your own good life. We only have any control over one person....us.

    Wishing you the best!
     
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2018
  3. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Is your mom old enough that you could call Adult Protective Services (or the equivalent in your country) since she seems to be scared of her son and he is taking advantage of her?

    What happens if she doesn’t pay the back rent? Can she be kicked out of her housing? Does she have any place to go if she is thrown out?

    Can you talk to the council on her behalf?
     
  4. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Can you talk to the council about possibly kicking him out, and letting your mom stay?
     
  5. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    You must care a great deal for mother to reach out to us for help.

    Not sure how the laws work in your country regarding an unwelcome person in your home. You can always reach out to your local police and ask them if there are any laws that protect your brother. Here in the US if a person has established residency you have to go to court to have them evicted from the home.

    I'm not sure what "signed on" means. Is he breaking any laws by not signing on?

    Has your brother ever threatened your mother? If she is afraid of him these are things you can discuss with your local authorities.
     
  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Welcome

    Is your brother an alcoholic or does he abuse drugs or is he just plain lazy?

    I'd say a 30 year old needs to be on his own and not mooching off his mother!

    But as others have said, she has to be the one to see that there is a problem.

    Good luck.
     
  7. MRWILSON1311

    MRWILSON1311 New Member

    Ah sorry people. Didnt realise this was mostly US people.

    I think SomeWhereOutThere got it spot on. Ive tried for years to help but it does fall on death ears i can only voice my opinion but i get moaned at for it.

    I will speak to our version of protective adult services. What ever that my be. I didnt want ti go official unless there is no other way. If my mum won't help her self ill reach out to those who can i guess its up to her to then accept and give in to help.

    My brother isnt a acaholic but does smoke weed..

    Signed on means claiming benefits :)

    Thanks for thr replies guys if anything becomes of the help ill be sure to update this :)

    Ciao for now x

    J