37 has a heart. I cried. And cried. And cried some more.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by MidwestMom, Nov 16, 2014.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have a possible health scare and, even though I was told it is not life threatening, it is not something I am looking forward to going through as it requires surgery. Blaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

    I decided not to tell my kids yet. Yes, I'm protecting them, but I don't want them to worry before the fact. But 37 called me right after I stepped through the door after having spent the day having two mammos, an ultrasound, a sonogram and a biopsy and I was tired and vulnerable.

    As usual he started babbling nonstop about himself and his life, which is his mo. I couldn't take it at the time. I had a catch in my voice as I told him, "Please, listen to me. I just can't listen right now. I found out I may have that cancer in situ in my other breast and they also biopsied a lymph node...I am not in good shape at the moment as I will need surgery..." He was totally quiet while I vented to him. Then he asked, with real concern, "Oh, mom, are you going to be ok? CANCER?"

    I told him it was early stage and I had it sixteen years ago in the other breast too and it was highly treatable. I was so vulnerable I talked about my boob, which he usually doesn't want to hear about...lol. I told him I had a masectomy and that had solved the problem back then and I was all set to do it again this time. I also assured him that a simple masectomy heals well and fast.

    He said, "I don't remember you had surgery sixteen years ago."

    I said, "I didn't let on much. You knew, but you were a teen and very busy and I was ok very quickly." By now I was almost smiling.

    But he went on. "But cancer? Mom, you have got to tell me the results as soon as you know."

    Me: Honey, I won't know the results until Tuesday.

    Him: Well, that won't stop me from worrying.

    Me: Don't worry. I'm sorry I told you.

    Him: No, I'm glad you did. You know I'll be there for you, right?

    Me: Oh, honey, of course I do. Thank you.

    Him: So let me know as soon as you know. Now I'm going to worry all weekend.

    We ended the conversation.

    This may just sound like any old conversation with your adult child, but it's not. 37 almost never expresses worry about anyone except himself and his son, who I know he loves dearly. I mean, I knew he needed me. But I didn't know he cared about my well being. Oh, yes, the final shock.

    Before I hung up I said, "I love you, M."

    And he said, "I love you too, Mom."

    This is not something I get from him very often.

    I often wondered if 37 had antisocial personality disorder because he can seem so cold. Of late, since I laid down the law on how he can speak to me over t he phone, I have seen another side to him. He is not faking his love for his son. Without his anger taking over in our conversations, I hear his feelings and emotions and he is not cold-hearted...his social skills just sock to high heaven. I am very aware that he has issues, but he has gotten better. The only time he is really verbally aggressive is when he is under intense stress, like during the custody battle with his ex over their son. He was really unreasonable at the time. And his fear of the custody outcome had him saying horrible things to everyone, which I haven't forgotten. Forgiven, yes. Understand, yes. Forgotten, well, you don't forget things like he said even if they were BS.

    At any rate, I just wanted to share this. It meant a lot to me. I don't know what it really means, but it did tug at my heart.
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    Last edited: Nov 16, 2014
  2. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    They say there is a blessing in every darkness, and a purpose to everything we go through.

    I am happy for 37 that he was able to breach that barrier he keeps between himself and the world so that he could be there for you.

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  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad your son showed up for you MWM. His love and concern for you is touching..........and gives him the opportunity to be present for you, which is positive for him as well. Empathy is a huge component for emotional health. You'll go to your surgery surrounded with love MWM...........
  4. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    To be honest I think they love us they just don't know how to say/show it well. Plus when they make an :censored2: out of themselves they don't have the skills to recover from it.
  5. Walkinmyshoes

    Walkinmyshoes New Member

    MWM, you generously send your love out to your children and to us through your advice which carries years of experience. I am so very glad a little bit of your nurturing returned to you today and warmed your heart. All of us can understand the value of your difficult child's saying, "I love you" in response to your difficult news. Sending hugs to you today.
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  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much, all of you. Thanks more than you'll ever know.
  7. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    MWM, this may sound strange, but I'm both happy and sad for you! I am sorry to hear about your health problem, treatable as it may be, I know that it is a frightening thing just the same. You are in my prayers.

    But I'm so happy you had such a wonderful (because it really was) conversation with 37. It is a wonder to see he can and does care about you. I got teary just reading that conversation.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Lil, thank you. You are too kind. Your son loves you very much too.

    Sometimes we wonder...but it tends to come out when we least expect it.

    Wishing you and da Jabber a wonderful evening :)
  9. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    MWM, I am so sorry to hear about your health. Sending you gentle hugs and will keep you in my prayers.
  10. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Aw, MWM, that is such a great story. The one good thing about health issues is they show us who really cares. How touching that 37 was able to open up to you like that. Sending you bunches and bunches of virtual bouquets and wishing you a speedy recovery!
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks to all. I am not worried for my life, honest. I was told not to be and the last time it was early stage and it is expected to be the same this time.

    I am more shocked that my son showed so much caring emotion. Words can't describe it!
  12. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member


    I read this over the weekend when for some reason I couldn't log on...and I teared up too. It was so so lovely to hear his love and concern for you come through the post...I feel so full of joy for you, that you had that moment. I know it isn't a miraculous turning point...but how lovely that you had that. It can never be taken away now.

    As for your health...you sound quite sane and practical about it, but I know it must be weighing on you. We will circle our wagons of love and support, and sing songs for you and dance and invoke the good wild spirits that protect us all. I hope you feel that from us. And I'm so glad you got it from your son.

    A LOT of hugs,

  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Echo, thank you. It was a nice moment that didn't last once he was told it wasn't cancer...lol. But I didn't really expect it to. He is who he is. At least I know he's not as coldhearted as he can sometimes seem!
  14. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    It's in there sometimes you just have to enjoy the sneak peeks you get.
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

  16. tishthedish

    tishthedish Active Member

    SWOT, This brightened my night. You know how we sometimes hang on to things people say? We can quote them verbatim (in my case) for years? It seems mostly negative things stick. Hang on to this. I savored the word by word you shared with us. I think we'll all be back to read this one again. Sending healing hugs and prayers your way.
  17. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    oh SWOT, I am seeing this for the first time. I did not know.

    It is a sweet moment.

    Thanks for sharing.

    You are okay today, correct?