Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Tiredof33, Feb 20, 2013.

  1. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    I think the parents that have the hardest time stopping our codependent behaviors are the ones like me, always taught from an early age to 'be nice'.

    Some of the things I have done I did not view them as codependent, just things I had to do. But, I am learning, we do not have to do everything we are asked, even if we are viewed as an uncaring b****!

    I was volunteering for a well known organization for two years. I only chaired because I was guilted into it. I didn't really have the time or the desire to do the job, but I threw my self into it to try and build up our area.

    It is like beating my head against a wall and they keep trying to make it full time. A nurse was screaming at me about everything and I had watched her treat other volunteers the same way.

    I told the coordinator that I was actively looking for a replacement for my position. I came back from Christmas vacation and she has an article in the local paper aboiut the replacement. SHE DID NOT EVEN BOTHER TO TELL ME! I worked very hard for two years for them.

    Well, the replacement didn't show up and they called my friend to talk me into coming back. The coordinator can't be bothered I guess.

    Then the guilt trips started again. This time I said, 'no thanks'. Without the 'stop the enabling' training I would have felt obligated to go back. But, now I see it as their problem, not mine.

    Maybe they will learn to treat volunteers with a little more respect!
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Good for you!!!!

    I am a lot like this too... People get really upset when I finally stand up for myself!
  3. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Too true! They see people who are willing to help as whipping boys some times. Plus when the person willing to help is like us and does their job at 110% they see you as the perfect mark.

    It is fun to find a way to pull back the issue is finding a way to pull back without losing the things you enjoy completely.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    No one should be treated that way but especially volunteers! Good for you standing up for yourself. Who needs that stress?
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Way To Go! Great choice. When the next time comes it will be even easier to say "No Thanks". It's a good habit to get into. DDD
  6. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    I'm a people pleasure which gets me into situations I don't like. Learning to say no has been a good tool for me....better late than never :)
  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good job Tired, your boundaries are intact and that big resounding NO is just wonderful, it frees us from the tyranny of putting the needs of others ahead of ours. Good for you!
  8. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    Thank you everyone!!!! Why it is so difficult to set boundaries and put our selves first is beyond me. Yes, 'they' do recognise the trait in us, and try to take advantage.

    I'm tired of being 'walked on', and like many of us, I don't care for confrontations. However, I have learned they are sometimes necessary.

    I am, and always will be, a reformed PEOPLE PLEASER and COODEPENTANT ENABLER!
    (((thank you for your support this forum has helped me stay strong)))