A Friend Lost Her Son

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by WiscKaren, Feb 10, 2008.

  1. WiscKaren

    WiscKaren New Member

    Hi everyone,

    I just thought I would pop in for a few to let you know that a friend of mine lost her GFGson last week. He was 18 and his girlfriend just gave birth to their daughter on January 3rd.

    His funeral was so sad. His mom is absolutely devastated. She is now questioning herself as to whether she did enough for him. And, of course, she did.

    I have never been to a funeral before that had so many young mourners. Children, crying and wailing. Not really children, young adults -- wondering what happened. I only prayed that I hope this opens up their eyes to see what can happen....to know that death is real and not a game, to feel and see how a mother can grieve for a child that will never return......I cried just seeing his mom, my friend, and then to see this handsome young man in a casket -- wondering why or how this honor roll student, star football player -- went down the wrong path. And then I thought of my own son....on his own path of self-destruction.....

    I seen my son the day after this funeral (he did not come to it). I was cordial and said, "Hi", when I just wanted to grab him and hug him. And then I came home and cried even more. Maybe in time...............but for now, I'm not ready for a relationship with him, nor is he ready for me to be in his life again. I just hope one day it isn't too late.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member


    I'm so sorry to read about the loss of yet another young adult. My thoughts and prayers are with him, his loved ones and you. {{{Hugs}}} for your aching soul.
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    So sorry for your friend's broken mommy heart, and for the emotions that it stirred up within you. Prayers for you and your son.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    It is so tragic to lose someone who is so young. Saying prayers for his family and friends, and for you too.

  5. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Been there done that. There is no greater pain for a parent. As a friend of hers, just be there to listen. I have my doubts that it makes a long-term impact on his peers, but one can always hope there is just ONE. I'm sorry for your friend's pain....and your pain for watching it.
  6. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Its very disheartening to see a life with promise ended too soon, sending sympathies for your friend and to you.......hoping it opens some young eyes to the fragility of life..........
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It is so heartbreaking when there are no more chances left to turn it around. I have not experienced a teen service but there have been a couple of young men who died locally in recent years. The peer group has been devestated but none have changed their life patterns that I am aware of.

    I will keep you and your friends family in my thoughts and prayers today. DDD
  8. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    That could've described Alex's funeral, we had over 600 people in attendance. Sadly two of the boys that attended and sobbed through his service were dead within two months. One overdose, one suicide committed after a night of drugs. I think kids still don't think it can happen to them. I agree with Pamela, just be there for your friend and listen. She probably doesn't even know what she needs or wants from you or anybody else right now. I was in shock and depression for at least the first year. Always remember to talk about her son and to share memories of him. Some people tend not to bring our kids up, leaving us bereaved parents to think we are the only ones that remember.

    I'm so sorry for your friends broken heart. There are support groups online, like this one, for bereaved parents, she may not be ready for awhile, but if she would like to connect to a forum for bereaved parents, please let me know.

    I'm sorry for your broken heart also. My dearest friend has very difficult times also because she loved and misses my son too.

    Peace be with you both.

  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    so sorry for the loss. You keep your chin up okay? Hugs
  10. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry. I know this hits close to home. It's heartbreaking. My Olldest lost a good friend to an overdose last year. The boy had just waited on us at Applebees a few weeks before his death, it was hard to comprehend. Hugs.
  11. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Karen, your friend will need someone to talk to. My husband and I had to grieve in different ways and I think that's common. It always felt good to me to have my dear friend bring up a good memory of my son. We would laugh while remembering when her son and mine were toddlers, etc. It's important to just listen to her cry. Grief lasts a long time for most parents.

    I always hoped that my son's friends learned something, but who knows if they ever did. All young people never think it can happen to them.

    I think your friend is lucky to have a friend like you. :sad-very:
  12. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Gosh...so sad. I pray and feel for your family as well as the family that has lost. Don't know what else to say. These are tough times.:(

  13. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Sending my prayers along with the others here. I'm so sorry this has happened.

  14. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    There but for the grace of God go any of us....a young college girl near my house, bright, on all these commitees at school, and just the cream of the crop...a bright future ahead of her...she was not a difficult child type, but she did something reckless and fell off a 4th story of a parking garage to her death just a few weeks ago. My good friend is the Dean of students at this local college. This was the 2nd death in 2 weeks there. It's beyond sad.-Alyssa