A hello and a little update on us

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Californiablonde, Sep 2, 2014.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I just wanted to say a quick hi and update since I've been absent all summer. I don't have a working computer at home and it's difficult coming here from my cell phone. Normally I get on here from my work computer but since I've been on summer vacation I haven't had a chance to stop by. Today is our first day back to school/work.

    Summer was mostly good. We did quite a few activities with my mom. We went to the zoo, the aquarium, our favorite water park, the beach, and the movies. I slept in every single day till 10:00 and it felt great! I also did a lot of summer reading which I loved and I am really going to miss. I can still read, of course, but now that I'm back to work full time I won't have nearly as much of an opportunity. I just started a brand new book by one of my favorite authors and I'm sure it will take me several months to finish it. Anyway, like always at the end of summer, I'm completely broke so going back to work is a good thing.

    I am happy to report that both kids got to school on time this morning, even difficult child who has been sleeping in till noon all summer and is terrible to try and wake up. She got up early and took a shower and made it to the bus on time. Woohoo! My boyfriend thought for sure she would be missing the first day of school. I'm glad she proved him wrong. I won't find out how the kids first day went till I leave work here. I hope they both had a good day.

    As for work, it's busy as ever having to make a TON of phone calls trying to track down the kids who never showed up. I dread this every single year. I had quite a bit of anxiety the last few weeks of summer just thinking about coming back. As you all know, I get terrible anxiety being on the phone. I am still going through medication changes and trying to find the magic pill that will help me. The latest is Paxil. I have only been taking it for about a week so I need to give it time. We shall see. Anyway, I'm about to wrap up my first day back to work and I'm happy to say I made it in one piece. I have missed you all and it's good to be back!
  2. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Nice to see you again, CB. It's hard to believe school's open again. Hope your kids had a great first day. Try to hang in there during your dreaded phone calls, and you'll get through it; you always do!
  3. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Hello California Blonde. What a great update. Sounds like your summer was really good, and I am most impressed that your difficult child got up early like that for the first day back at school. It really doesn't sound difficult child-ish at all!! Long may it continue!

    Good luck with being back at work, and have a good year!

    Love, Esther
  4. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Ugh I am so mad at difficult child. She missed school today because she felt a little nauseous. She was fine all summer now this. She called me at work today saying she was going to throw up. I tried to talk her into going to school but she refused. My boyfriend is home due to having hip replacement surgery last month. He texted me and told me that difficult child did not throw up. He says she went back into the bedroom after calling me and went right to sleep. She was just overly tired and decided to stay home. At lunch time she demanded I bring her Subway, so her stomach is just fine. She is starting back to her old tricks. Today was incredibly stressful at work. I had approximately 150 phone calls to make. I am totally stressing out and now difficult child is back to her old self again. I can only hope I can talk her into going to school tomorrow. Sigh..
  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Please tell me you did not buy her subway.
  6. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    No I didn't buy her Subway. She doesn't deserve it.
  7. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    CB, it's good to see you again. Sorry about your daughter.

    I never brought this up partly because with all the other stuff 36 has done, this was mild, but 36 would refuse to go to school in high school. He faked sickness too. He was way too big for me to make go to school and I was divorced and a bit afraid of him. So if he didn't go, he didn't go. The principal wanted him to graduate. He bargained with him that he didn't have to take gym the last year if he'd get his diploma. difficult child hated gym, and he did get his diploma. He was extremely smart, but had and still has severe anxiety disorder plus he hated school. I was working full time and had bills to worry about, The school never called the truancy officers on him. He'd go just enough to not get into trouble, but never got the grades he could have. He refused to go to his graduation too. I don't think he ever did his homework. He locked himself in his room almost 100% of the time and I had no idea what he did and he would not come out. His father was wussy (still is) and when I called him for help, he was useless and difficult child didn't listen to him. So his entire high school years were a waste. Bribing didn't even help (yes, ex tried that with my approval).

    Nothing could make him go. Sometimes he'd go and I'd come home from work for lunch and he'd be sitting in front of the TV. He walked out. "I felt sick." Again, I was afraid of him a little. He was big, strong and threatening and I had no way to get him to go to school.

    I'm sorry you are going through the same thing. Seems like both difficult children have that school anxiety. In difficult child's case (mine) he was terrified to talk in front of his classmates. Funny, he was a bully at home.
  8. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    CB, I think you were correct in not taking Subway for your difficult child. If there is anyway possible, I would not try to talk her into anything. She knows she is supposed to be in school. I would say, "you know you have to go to school and I expect you to do that." That is all I would say, because she gets a lot of attention for her negative behavior and you don't want to do that. You should also think about the fact that You are the one that is getting upset and nervous about her not going to school, not her. Do NOT allow her to do that to you. That is one thing you CAN control. If she makes that bad choice again, each and every time, I would call the truant officer with your head held high and report her truant. Your difficult child should be worrying more about this than you are and that has not been the case at all. You've covered for her a lot and offered and provided much help for her anxiety. At this point, I don't think it's her anxiety at all. She's playing you and you are allowing it. Not to be rude or harsh, I don't want to do that but she needs to step up big time and you need a break! Good luck!
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Nice to hear from you, CB. When I was working (and husband still does on his commute) I would borrow audiobooks from the library and either pop the cd's in the car or transfer them to my mp3 player and listen during my commute. I was always able to leave home at home and work at work, if you know what I mean.

    Check to see if you can search your local library system online and reserve audiobooks. Mine were always waiting for me (I did the same with videos and books) and if I kept abreast of my favorite author's release dates I could always be one of the first to get them (they'd send an email letting me know that they were waiting for me) by reserving them as soon as they were listed as "on order" at the library.
  10. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    She missed school again today. She claims she threw up but then asked my boyfriend to buy her breakfast at Mcdonald's shortly after (He said no.) Once again she demanded I bring her Subway for lunch and I refused. She has been blowing up my phone with texts all day. I am sick of her. Her dad got mad at her a few months ago and banned her from coming to his home for awhile. She hasn't seen him in two months. Tomorrow I am dropping off easy child to spend the weekend with his dad and difficult child will be home with me. This is my birthday weekend and it's going to be a difficult one. I just want to have some kind of peace for once. Ugh!
  11. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    Sorry you won't get the relaxing birthday weekend you deserve. :( I hope you don't answer your difficult child's text during the day while she skips school. When she is truant, do you get called on the carpet or does anyone hold her accountable? Do you call in sick for her? I still would be very interested to know what would happen if you called her in truant? I know it affects you in a bad way, but I think her dad is on to something here. Maybe you can use similar tactics?
  12. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I don't agree at all whatsoever with her dad. Just because she got an attitude with him he cancelled visitations. I only wish I could just cancel out on difficult child and pass her on to somebody else every time she got an attitude with me! I am her parent and it's my responsibility to take care of her good or bad. Why is it okay for him to release his responsibilites because she said something he didn't like? He's her parent just as much as I am. I am very upset at him for doing this. He is breaking a court order and I could report him but I'm being nice.
  13. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I agree with you on that part CB and I do understand your frustration with him and with what I said. What I was really implying was that when your difficult child was hateful, skipped school, etc. if you could kind of shut down communication with her. Kind of like when you do what you are supposed to do, you'll get a positive response from me and when you don't do what I expect or speak in an appropriate way to me, you'll get the cold shoulder until you correct the situation. Sorry, CB, I didn't mean to upset you.
  14. MyHeartHisLife

    MyHeartHisLife New Member

    Oh CB I can totally understand what you are going through! Precisely at 6:02 pm EVERYDAY while driving home from work, I would get the automated call from school that difficult child ever skipped classes or was absent. He was impossible to get up in the morning. He could care less if a truant officer came and hauled him away. We were always so worried we'd get in trouble because our truancy laws can hold legal consequences for parents.(he didn't care about that either!) Thankfully, he did graduate.

    Once, I told my other kids to just get ready for school and leave and then we left for work. We didn't wake him up or anything. About 30 minutes later he text me "Why didn't you wake me up?!" Lol! For a while afterwards he went to school regularly but it didn't last.

    I wish I had words of wisdom for you. But all I can offer is the knowledge that this is not forever. My phone is finally silent at 6:02 pm!
  15. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    One good thing about difficult child is once she's at school she stays at school. She does not get there then cut class. I'll give her that. I am happy to report that she made it to school Friday and today. This morning she felt sick, threw up in the bathroom, then got herself on the bus and made it to school. At this point I'm not really sure if her ulcers are acting up, it's her anxiety, or maybe a little bit of both. Unfortunately she lost her only friend. Her best friend last year transferred schools so now she's back at square one again. I think if she can meet even one good friend she will do better. I am hoping and praying.
  16. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry CB, but honestly ulcers vs anxiety....you really question that her "illness" is the ulcers? You said she didn't have any problems this summer and then, "poof" school starts and she's ill again.

    You have awful anxiety and genetically she's a younger version of you. She needs to be treated for anxiety, intensely.

    As for her dad, he's a bonehead and withholding his love and support from his daughter regardless of her attitude is proof what a waste he is....
  17. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    I used to do that. School made me ill. Such bad memories coming back.

    I hope your daughter finds a friend.

    Hugs to her
    and you.
  18. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    So basically dad is acting like a child because his child acted like a child. You are the one being punished because now he doesn't have to pull his weight as a parent and you feel bad your child isn't getting to spend time with him. Oh yeah and you don't get any down time from a child who can be difficult. in my humble opinion that is the definition of insanity.

    You have court documents stating when he is supposed to have her right? Then drop her off and ensure someone from that home sees her there and then leave. Legally it is his responsibility to be there for her during that time and to care for her. If she lived in his house he wouldn't be able to ignore her as a punishment for weeks on end. Pick her up when his visitations are over and don't argue the situation. He either does his part with his children or he doesn't. Notice I said children not child. UH UH Brother you don't get to pick to help with the easy kid and ignore the difficult one.

    There comes a point in time CB where you have to stop letting your ex play this game. You don't get to pick and chose which kid you take care of today. You don't get to say well difficult child is the difficult one and my boyfriend doesn't want to deal with her so you take her and I will take easy child. That is exactly what he has done to you in the past. You either have a child and care for it or you dont.

    If he doesn't want anything to do with difficult child then he should pay you more child support because he isn't paying for the days he is supposed to have visitiations. Let the court figure out how much 6 days a month costs you since he can't be bothered to take her. I would also request extra money based on the emotional distress it causes you and difficult child. You can't tell me it isn't hard on you managing a difficult child with no relief. You also cant tell me it doesnt effect difficult child's anxiety and medical issues when her father refuses to see her or care for her.

    He needs to make a decision. Does he want difficult child or not. If it were me it would be an all or none situation. You either see your chidren or you don't. But since it isn't me you and he might decide a split between him and difficult child is a good thing. If it is a good thing and you agree to it difficult child needs to be told upfront that she wont be seeing him anymore that he has chosen not to see her. This way she doesn't get her hopes up and keep dreaming pipe dreams about a relationship that isn't there. It would be a really harsh and horrible thing for your ex to do to her though.
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  19. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    difficult child has made it absolutely clear that when she turns 18 she wants absolutely nothing to do with her father. She turns 18 next December and she has told me she wants all visitations stopped permanently. I won't get a break from her but when she's 18 I can't exactly argue with her. She also insists that when she gets married she will not be inviting her dad to the wedding. I am hoping she changes her mind by that point. I am so sick of sticking up for him with her. I keep telling her that her dad loves her but has a weird way of showing it. She doesn't believe me. I wish they had a good relationship because I have a bad relationship with my own dad. I was hoping to pick a better father for my kids but I sucked big time at that.