aarrgghhhh, Im a newbie, need to vent

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by urameanmami, Dec 29, 2011.

  1. urameanmami

    urameanmami New Member

    I have a 9 yr old daughter, she has been baker acted three times. This last time they recommended SIPP. My daughter has been officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD. In my heart I lean more towards Disassociative or schizophrenia. daughter often tells me about the walking dolls in her room so we keep no toys in there and about her friend Manny (who is a girl) but when she says Manny screams, its her I hear. She is aggressive with my son and with my cats and a couple of years ago, I caught her stomping on baby frogs and killing them. Whenever you ask her why she did it, the answer is the " I dont know" or "it wasnt me" When she gets angry this child sees no reason. I have had cps come out more times than I care to admit and I have her on video hitting herself and in another hitting me. She has told me to my fac ethat she would call the police and tell them Im trying to kill her. We have a psychiatrist and with the recent release from the baker act they left her only on Risperdone 2mg BID. Nothing else. Half the time I dont know whether to scream or cry, or both. Nothing Im doing is helping her and its wearing me down. I am a type 2 diabetic and the stress isnt helping my blood sugar and MY physical health is hurting because of the emotional stress. Are there any suggestions? I am a single parent and I can't even take her to my moms house because she isnt welcome there because she stole from her. People dont come to my house because of her and I can't go anywhere because Im afraid of her stealing or throwing a tantrum. My son who has aspergers but is a really generally happy kid, behaves so well when she isnt there and when she is there is a constant CONSTANT fight. I feel like a recluse. I go to work to escape.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome, but sorry you had to come here.

    Has your daughter seen a psychiatrist? It seems she is hallucinating and perhaps voices are telling her to hurt people. She would need medications and to be closely monitored by a psychiatrist to help her and, in the process, help all of you.

    Is there any schizophrenia in the family on either side of her biological family tree, even if Dad isn't in the picture? When did she start acting this way? Has s he ever been abused?

    Hugs and others will come along.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi, I am so sorry for you and your kids to be struggling with this. What kinds of county services are available in your area. It really seems that along with finding out what is really going on with her, you need some respite in a professional facility that can handle such tricky behaviors. It is super isolating to have your child not be welcomed places, and even if someone does invite them...or you want to go somewhere...to have to be so hyper-vigilant you cant relax and have fun. I have those times too.

    I can see how you would be so frustrated to have a child who seems so mentally ill yet no one is getting to the bottom of it and really helping to bring her relief. Heck, many with a child with Aspergers only come here with issues! You really have your hands full. Just know you are among friends here. I too am so glad you found us. There are others here who have kids with similar issues. Hold on...they will come. If you dont hear, start a thread saying my child has hallucinations please help or something like that so people who really can relate will be grabbed by your post.

    Lots of love and hugs, Dee
  4. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    UraGOODmami, I'm sorry to hear your daughter is so ill. Has she seen a psychiatrist? Maybe at a children's hospital? The voices she hears and things she sees may be telling her to be violent.
  5. urameanmami

    urameanmami New Member

    I don't notice anything like her hearing voices, but she is always paranoid that the conversation is about her. As far as hallucinations she tells me the dolls in her room get up and walk around at night, so I had to take all the dolls out of her room. She has stomped on little baby frogs killing them and she had tried to hurt my moms dogs (who are smaller) and she has hurt my son. She explodes over everything and you can't say anything without her shrieking or blowing up. She has major meltdowns where she breaks things or tries to hurt someone else. She steals anything and everything, even if it has no value. She regrets nothing, she says sorry because its expected but not because she really means it. She knows how to ACT happy, but she has admitted she doesnt feel happy. My mother at one point in her life was diagnosed as a bipolar schizophrenic and she through therapy and medications has got this under control. I don't think, I know I dont know how to help her. We have had counseling, her for behavior and me for anxiety, they stopped coming because there was no improvement. Because my anxiety is directly related to her behaviors, if they dont get better, I dont. Im at a crossroad right now, I feel like if I dont do the SIPP application, I may not be able to help her later
  6. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    Do the SIPP application ASAP, I say that from experience. For so long I thought that I could "fix" my son (actually an adopted grandson but labor from the heart is a lot harder). As Moms we think we should be ale to fix all. Daniel was Baker Acted three times this past year and is now in a residential treatment center in Jacksonville FL. Rather then me fixing things for him in the past I was actually ignoring his cries for help that were coming out in his behaviors. Not only was he suffering doing things he did not want to but his younger brother who is an aspie and I were suffering,. I was walking on eggshells and David screamed alot because he was afraid every time Daniel got near for fear of being hit or teased. Right now Daniel is getting the help he needs and is happy to be there at this point. This gives me time not only for myself but to help David overcome the bad habits he picked up from Daniel.
  7. urameanmami

    urameanmami New Member

    Yeah, I get the walking on eggshells, Im afraid to breathe too loud cause she'll say Im interrupting her doing something or maybe I was just just ignoring her and my breathe just irritated her. I wish I could say I had a "down time " I cant go to sleep if she is still awake and I have to be up before her, or shell wake up and sneak food into her room. Yeah she hoards food in her room. Ive been in another room when she'll start screaming about nothing like someone is killing her saying stop hitting me. Ive yelled and her and shes told me she was going to call the police and tell them Im trying to kill her. She hit my son once and I had her write me three paragraphs on why its wrong to hit him, one of her sentences was because he is small and can fit in a vent. Im afraid of her.
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    In attachment literature, this is referred to when kids are hypervigilant. They are always on guard and always thinking everything could be or is about them. Their whole goal in life is to not be hurt. To prevent that at all costs. To survive in life any way... even if that means I will get you before you get me.
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Ditto Buddy. Another common term for hypervigilant is "paranoid". If a kid gets bullied enough, they end up seeing all sorts of "about to be bullied" signs when there are none... but the bullied kid may well have other parts of life relatively in order (like home). For the kid who never formed a secure attachment in the first place, every situation is to that level... all day, every day.
  10. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Where is that darn Like button. Ditto Buddy and Insane!!
  11. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    and she knows it. I was scared of Daniel and he knew it and used it to try to control the things that went on in the house until he realized I would and could clal the police on him. He was not allowed over at(per police officer) a neighbor's house because he tried to kick in the door when the kids would not play with him. I walked out one day to find him not in their yard but in the street in front of their house arguing with one of the boys. I yelled for him to get home and he came running at me and went to grab my neck..he got one hand on my neck but I pulled away fast and asked him WHY?? He said he had told the kiid other there that he could choke me and kill me if he wanted to and although he did not want to cholke or kill me he HAD to show this kid he could if he wanted to.:nonono: For the past year all the sharp knives in my home are locked in a tool box with a padlock on it.

    Do you have a Children's Advocacy Center where you are? They have helped me a great deal. Also the ESE Dept of our school board. So many people telling me over and over again that he needed more help then I could give him at home. He told me on the phone that he is learning alot of things about himself that he did not know.
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I could be way off here, but in this child's case I think she sounds more mentally ill than attachment disordered or anything like that. If she sees her dolls walking around at night, she is hallucinating in some way. Also there is bipolar and schizophrenia (or at least one) in the family. in my opinion the best treatment is to keep going to a psychiatrist and try medication and therapy.
    Whatever is wrong, it is scary and I really hope things get better very soon.
  13. urameanmami

    urameanmami New Member

    She has been baker acted three times, this last time she was there for over two weeks and was only released because the insurance company said no more. the doctor tried to get her more time and they said no. Sh has been officially diagnosed as bipolar and ADHD. As I said in the first post in my heart Of hearts I know there is more to it.

    No one in my family wants to be around her,I can't go visit because she steals things and her attitude has people asking me to leave. I can't have people come to my house because the tantrums start and then they leave. I dont go out because no one will watch her. My break is going to work and there I work, then I come home and I dont do anything but respond.
  14. buddy

    buddy New Member

    oh yeah, from what you post it surely does sound like a mixed bag. I certainly didn't mean to say she was attachment disordered, just the statement reminded me of that kind of thinking... it does not have to be paranoia...it can be that being so hypervigilent. your mommy gut sounds really good. I am sorry the professionals around you are not seeing what you are feeling. I hope you can get a more thorough evaluation. but must be really really tough. and lonely. but you do have US!!!!
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hiya, Buddy!

    Well, yes, I agree. But this child seems to be hallucinating...and also, although she does not say she hears voices, is attributing "bad" behavior to manny, which could be somebody very real to her (although she doesn't really exist). I have heard of command hallucinations...they are very hard to resist. Again, I'm just tossing stuff around here, but to me (and I certainly have no degree) it sounds more like a mental health disorder than anything else. And the poor little thing is probably not getting the right medication.

    Anyway, like I said, I could be all wet. Just my own thoughts.
  16. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    I am wondering what her pediatrician has had to say about her. They can be a big help in getting help. I am unsure of what insurance you have for her but I am goimg to assume it is private for them to make her leave the crisis facility because her covered time was up...grrrr.
    My boys' pedi has been on the ball since they were infants. Bio mom would take them and after a couple visits with the Dr on her own with the boys the Dr asked that I come into the exam room each and every visit. Munchausen by proxy...she was making up all kinds of stories of one of the boys being sick when they weren't. Pedi was behind me on getting custody, adopting the boys and Daniel going to residential.
    I live in FL and although I am disabled and both boys are disabled under SS guidelines they did not qualify for medicaid because of an anniity I receive from my last husband's job. I had them both under Healthy Kids ins that is FL's ins for them but under that David was put on Children's Mecial Services because his problems are lifelong. The ins Daniel was put on kept changing and then denying coverage on certain things. I got mad and contacted the Gov's office. Next thing I knew I got a call from the Agency for Health Care Administration. I told her what I had been going through with the insurance and she said that Daniel should have been on CMS the whole time and she changed his ins to CMS. CMS arranged for another program to be involved and right now Daniel has 60 covered days in residential. In the meantime application is being made for medically needy medicaid for continued care after the 60 days. I did not know that medically needy medicaid does not go by the parent's income but by the needs of the child.

    I really could go on and on but the basic thing is you have to fight the system as hard as you can if you want this child to grow up to be am adult that can have a normal life if possible. Bio mom's adoptive parents hid the fact that she was mentally ill from their small comminity because of embarassment. Poor girl never had a chance.

    Mental health issues are ones that many insurance companies don't even want to hear about but they need to because even those children that have not had problems in the past are developing problems because of stress in the home where parents are losing jobs. losing homes and unknowingly taking out their frustrations on their children.

    You have the choice of sitting there stressing about what to do or to get in the ring and start fighting for her rights.
  17. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh really good post m.mama. That is true for us too. Q is certified permanently disabled by the state so even if he had not been adopted through foster care, he would now be covered because of his disability. I have no co-pays since he is adopted but either way, he has MA and his waiver due to his disabilities.

    MWM, you have amazing insight on those things and I am glad you share it so any of us who are not familiar with it can understand better. I thought the same... that there is a lot going on here, and most importantly because MOM thinks so, it is probably true! Many of us can relate to that.