I always blamed myself for my daughter struggling through life. She was only 2 when my marriage broke up and then I struggled to get on my feet. She went back and forth for visits at her dad's and there was a lot of turmoil. But there was a lot of good too. I remarried and my current husband 23 years ago and we provided a very stable and loving home for many years. My daughter started having trouble in grade 2. She often was sent out in the hall for misbehaving and being the class clown. Her trouble continued all through elementary and high school. I took her to counsellors many times and had psychometric testing done twice. Both times it was inconclusive because we couldn't tell whether she had ADHD or if her behavioural problems were because of the nasty divorce and many years of being played like a pawn by her bio father. After dropping out of college she came to work for our family business. We struggled to get her to come to work on time and to do her work. We overpaid her to try to help her get on her feet and buy her first home, mostly so we could move her out of our house. She lived in filth and could not manage a normal routine of washing dishes, doing laundry and taking the garbage out. She also became a shop-a-holic and a food addict, spending most of her time shopping online, running up debt and watching countless hours of television and ordering in take out. In the spring of this year, after several years, she quit her job at our family business. She said that God had another plan for her. She wasn't sure what the plan was, but she knew she was not suppose to stay at our place of business. She sold her house and used the cash to live life on her terms. Having fun. All the while she demanded we support her decision. Now she is out of money and lashing out at us. I realized this week after she was hurtful towards me for the trillionth time, that I need to detach from her. I have spent my entire life trying to help her by being her biggest cheerleader, pouring unconditional love and encouragement onto her, even though she has no consideration for my feelings and treats my husband and I very badly. When I came here and read some of the posts, it all became so clear. Based on her lack of empathy for others and the way she manipulates me and puts me on a guilt trip, I would say that she is narcissistic. But maybe that's just a symptom of the ADHD brain? I'm not sure. My only doubt is that since she has a disorder "ADHD" and is untreated until she can get properly diagnosed, should I take that into consideration? Maybe she CAN'T behave like a responsible adult? Maybe she CAN'T feel empathy for others? Maybe once she finally gets on medications she'll be nicer? So my question is, should I let her get away with this behaviour a little longer until after she gets medication? Or should I put these new boundaries in place now?