Hi all I'm so glad I found this site as I'm at the point of needing to detach from my 34 year old son. I've realised that for about the last 20 years I've allowed him to take and take from me while also keeping me at arm's length and just throwing me a few crumbs now and then. I've allowed this to happen out of love and parental guilt (I was a struggling single mum, I was young, I was brought up by a violent alchoholic, I felt that I needed to compensate for what I perceived to be his disadvantages by doing everything for him and not expecting anything in return, grateful for any interaction with him). I always loved and adored him and he's by no means helpless, but he does struggle with anxiety and bouts of depression. However he has a job, has friends, has relationships (the last one ended a few months ago which he's still getting over), and is by no means helpless. Last year I decided to invest in a property, and he became my tenant - he's bad with money and can never save it, so I, as usual thinking about him before myself, bought a lovely little place for him, at a rent that he can afford. Before settlement I bought everything he would need for the house, and moved it all in there - he did nothing, just moved his stuff in on moving day. I was sharing a house with a friend and paying rent, and on settlement day I had to swallow feelings of regret that I hadn't done this for myself. I found myself in a relationship at around that time which has since become serious, and we want to live together, in that house ideally for a number of reasons, mostly practical. I told my son that he can have a year to find his own place, and he became really upset and cried and said that he can never catch a break. The subtext of that conversation was that he assumed he would have that house forever. I tried to comfort him but he asked to be alone, so I sent him an email the next day explaining that I'm finally ready to allow myself to be happy and to enjoy the fruits of my labour, and that I hoped he understood that I can't, at 55, keep sharing a house and need to have my own place. I also said that I would help finance him into his own place, and that he has a year to find somewhere. He didn't respond, and yesterday I sent him a text asking to meet up this weekend to talk, and again no response. I now feel angry and realise that I've allowed him to call the shots on our relationship since he became a stroppy teenager, and I really want to detach from him. I don't want to finance him into his own place now because he clearly has no concern for me. I just need to do it in a rational way that is not from anger, so I've desisted from contacting him while I calm down. I guess I'm writing all this here because it's like seeing something for the first time, and I can see how wrong I was for so many years just giving an giving to him. I haven't helped him or myself at all, and it's not his fault but I have to reclaim myself. At the moment I'd be quite happy never to set eyes on him again. I just want him out of my house and out of my life. Is this normal and what shall I do from here?