Adult daughter stole all of our money

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by JoAnn Trojano, Jul 23, 2019.

  1. Mimi NH

    Mimi NH mszap

    My husband had a bad stroke two and half years ago, I have 4 daughters, one who is 25 lives near us, I work a lot and I have to do everything around the house, my daughter was helping with dr appointments for my husband, she would help him pay the bills he always paid, I never paid attention to his check book, I totally trusted her, she started paying her bills, and went through all our money, I’m devastated , JoAnn from NH
     
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Oh no.

    First, If this is your real name, please consider changing your name here to protect your confidentiality and that of your family. You can send a private message to Runaway Bunny at the top right inbox, and she will change it.

    You are not the only one this has happened to, on this board. But that doesn't make it any easier to bear. I am so very sorry.

    This is what I think you need to do.

    You grieve. This is horrible what happened. Your husband is ill. You work night and day. Your daughter who you trust wipes you out. Who wouldn't feel devastated?

    Then, you need to secure everything that is left. And investigate any assets you have to make sure they are secure. Your home title, if you have a home. Get a credit report and review it.

    You will need to decide whether or not to file a police report. This is a very important question. You could have some recourse with a police report and it is important that your daughter have consequences. Protecting her may not be the best thing. But this may not be an easy thing to decide.

    If you have insurance there may be some help there.

    Then there is the issue of why. No matter how much she victimized you, she is your daughter. Is she using drugs? Is she mentally ill? Is there some kind of personality disorder? I am not forgiving what she did, but how much risk there is, and what happens next, depends upon what fueled this.

    Have you spoken to her? What does she say? Did anything like this happen before?

    Does your husband know?

    I am so very sorry. Others will be along soon. Welcome. I wish this had not happened, but you will get good counsel and support here.
     
  3. Mimi NH

    Mimi NH mszap

    The way I found out was my mom asked me if I took any money from her account, I said no, when my husbands money was gone my daughter found a bank account with my name on it , my sister and I are on my moms account, I feel awful my mom is a victim also, it’s over one hundred thousand dollars, all my husband
    Inheritance is gone ,it’s heart breaking, she was so close to us we had dinner together all the time, I have never seen any drugs, there has been many PayPal transfers to her friends, I will change my name
     
  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Is that the combined amount from all of the accounts? This is grand theft. You will have to go to the police. I would do it now.

    How could you not feel horrible. This is horrible. I would be devastated.

    Somebody I know lost millions. This happens. Even $10000 would devastate me.
    Then, they may be crime partners. Seriously. With this kind of a crime, and others involved, what choice do you have but to go to the authorities?
     
  5. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    I think you need to go to the police. Kay would steal a little here and there, but fortunately she had no way to rob all our money. If she had done that, we would have contacted the police, especially if another relative had been robbed too.

    This is so very heartbreaking. I am sorry.
     
  6. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi Jo,

    Copa is right—you must call the police now.

    You need to inform the bank so that they can close your accounts and get new ones opened. Your mom does, too. If there is any possibility of recovering any of the money, you need to act fast.
     
  7. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Administrator Staff Member

    I'm so very sorry your daughter has put you in this heartbreaking situation. Hang in there.

    Please change your username. Here's a link: https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/account/UsernameChange

    Or I can change it for you, just message me.
     
  8. Mimi NH

    Mimi NH mszap

    We did go to bank, the police came to our house because it’s hard for my husband to go places after his stroke, my daughter has two year old twins, I haven’t seen them in two months, that hurts the most, it’s so hard to talk about, how do I get my name not to show?
     
  9. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Has your daughter been arrested?
     
  10. Mimi NH

    Mimi NH mszap

    Thank goodness for the fur babies, I have an 8year old pug and a 1 year old Frenchie, I have 4/daughters 37 does odd jobs, 33 has three kids 13 10 and 10months, they live 80 miles away, they help when they can, 25/ with 2+ year old twins , she is the one who stole from us, my youngest is 23,she graduated from Culinary school ,she is working doing well, It’s good to find a place to vent
     
  11. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    RecoveringEnabler above just sent you a link above or she can do it for you if you send her a private message through the inbox. The inbox is at the top to the right to the left of alerts.
    I know.

    This part is very important what Apple asks about the police. What happened when you called the police? Was she arrested?

    How is your husband doing?
    RecoveringEnabler above just sent you a link above or she can do it for you if you send her a private message through the inbox. The inbox is at the top to the right to the left of alerts.
    I know.

    This part is very important what Apple asks about the police. What happened when you called the police? Was she arrested?

    How is your husband doing?
    I know how this must hard.

    I think you need to do whatever you can do to compartmentalize right now. To do what you have to do, and to put the pain to the side. The consequences are too dire, disastrous. The human relationships will be worked out, as time goes by. The important thing now is that you and your husband and mother are protected from further crime and if possible, the money recouped. That is too much money to have gone down the drain. Somebody or various somebodies likely has some of it, still.

    I would try very, very hard to focus on that. This is not stealing money out of your purse. This is multiple crimes. I think this is embezzlement, identity theft and grand theft.

    There have been other mothers here with this same problem. I remember one daughter stole $20,000 to buy designer purses and clothes. The mother was sick. In this case the daughter agreed to pay back the money. But $100,000. How could anybody pay this back. That's why it is to your daughter's advantage that you face this head on, now, where there still could be some money.

    How in the world did she get this kind of debt? And why was she transferring your money to her friends? Do you know?

    Anybody would have a hard time with this, but it still must be faced.

    The people here are very smart, kind and we have all been through the mill. You will find kindness and caring here. I will stop badgering you about this. I am sorry.

    I am so sorry that husband had the bad stroke. How is he doing? I can just imagine how hard it is all of this on top of your head. I think you are strong and smart to count your blessings. In the light of all of this. Many, many people could never ever recover. And here you are, doing just that.

    About half a dozen of us are reading a book called Gifts of Acceptance, by Miller. Mine just came today. Busy posted about it in a thread, which is the title of the book. All of us together are going to do a book club thread.

    Busy said this book has changed completely her outlook and her life. Why not join us in the book club?​
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2019
  12. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Please follow the link Runaway Bunny gave you in this thread to change your name. If you have trouble, private message her.

    I would seriously consider filling a police report. Did you call them?

    Does she have a key to your home? If so, seriously consider changing the lock.

    You likely have to change bank accounts. Does she know how to use on line banking? Do you use that? Ask at the bank how to change any passwords. And do so immediately.

    If needed, consider blocking her from your cell phone if she causes trouble. At least for several days.

    Lock up WELL any jewelry, watches, medicines etc. Keep your bedroom door locked with a deadbolt if needed. Get licks for your windows. Lock up valuables in a lock box. Hide everything. Lock everything.

    Do not trust her. With money ever. Never ever.
    Until she can prove she is trustworthy...I wouldn’t even trust her with small things.
    But valuables...never.

    See if you might qualify for some sort of assistance at least temporarily. Food stamps etc.

    This is so sad.
     
  13. Deni D

    Deni D Member

    I'm so sorry she did this to you. I echo the others who have encouraged you do what you can now to protect yourselves from further damage. This must be so devastating to you.
     
  14. ChickPea

    ChickPea Active Member

    Jease, so sorry. I, too, am for filing the police report. I'm also curious as to why she's sending money to her friends. If they are aware that she is siphoning it from your account, they could also be facing charges.

    I agree also about locking up what valuables you can - or not having her in your home. My daughter stole all kinds of things from my parents while she stayed with them (as an adult). She took money, when my mom had surgery she took her pain pills... but the straw that broke the camel's back was when she wiped my mom clean of some items that had sentimental value (china from her mother). She was able to handle the money and pills, etc. but that just got her. I have a hard time forgiving for that. I don't know if that is your case or not - that there are other items in your home that you would be devastated to lose - but safeguard those.
     
  15. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Please update when you can. I can't imagine the betrayal you are dealing with. Ksm
     
  16. 200Meters

    200Meters A real bustard

    Secure everything and involve the police.