Advice...update

[everywoman]

PCdaugther and boyfriend broke up this weekend. It has not been a pleasant breakup to say the least. easy child and boyfriend's sister have been friends for years. In fact, she introduced sister to her fiance.
Sister is getting married on the 17th. easy child is supposed to be a bridesmaid. Today boyfriend told easy child that no one wants her in the wedding. easy child talked to sister to ask. Sister said you just won't be walking with boyfriend. easy child aksed if boyfriend was still in wedding. (She said she meant that she didn't won't to be the reason he wouldn't be.) Sister said "He's my brother, he's not the one ruining my wedding. It's too late to replace YOU." easy child is upset. Should I intervene? Leave it alone and let her work it out. easy child is hotheaded. If they push too far, she will tell them to stuff it. She has always been close to the family and she feels like they are blaming her totally for the breakup.

 

[busywend]

I would have easy child go to wedding and stay through dinner at reception. Do the bridal party dance and got outta there. Will you be there? They will get over it eventually.

Maybe sister was offended that easy child asked if difficult child was still in. Obviously he is still. At least they changed who she is walking with.

 

[hearts and roses]

Well, it does kind of seem like they ARE blaming her for the breakup. I wouldn't blame her if she dropped out at this point. I know I would and I would encourage my dds' to drop out as well.

How can your daughter possibly be expected to keep a smile plastered on her face all day when she feels so completely unwanted by everyone, including the bride?

Regardless of her relationship with his family in the past, if there is animosity in the air NOW, I don't think she should go through with it. And tough cookies on the bride - she kind of deserves it for saying something so rude and out of line to her supposed friend and bridesmaid~in my opinion

 

[timer lady]

Man, I wouldn't want to touch this - what a complex situation.

I'd say go with your gut here. You know easy child best. You know if she can handle the animosity that seems to be floating about on what should be a joyous time.

Keep us updated!

 

[everywoman]

easy child is a pretty tough coookie. It will be her decision in the end. I don't know how much of what boyfriend has said is true and how much is just him trying to hurt her.

I can understand sister's concern--it's two weeks before the biggest day of her life---and this happens. I'm hope it was her nerves talking, not her heart.

boyfriend has already called apologizing--telling her that he loves her and wants to work it out. Of course this started today because she didn't respond to his text early this morning. He doesn't understand that she wants out. He doesn't want to let go--and if I was him I wouldn't either. She is quite a catch. She is thinking of just holding on until after the wedding to keep the peace.

I will be at the wedding, as will husband, difficult child, and fosterdaughter who is also a bridesmaid. It's not only easy child close to the family, we all are. I told her in the beginning not to date HIM. I knew it would come to this in the end.

 

[hearts and roses]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: katmom</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I will be at the wedding, as will husband, difficult child, and fosterdaughter who is also a bridesmaid. It's not only easy child close to the family, we all are. I told her in the beginning not to date HIM. I knew it would come to this in the end. </div></div>

Well that changes a lot. If you and the family will be there to lend some moral and emotional support, then I think easy child should be able to suck it up for a day. My easy child would go through with it, she told me she would anyway. difficult child said no way. Hahaha -

I hope everyone is able to hold it together till it's over at least. boyfriend should allow easy child some space - his words are fueled by his desperation and frustration I'm sure. He sounds like easy child's exbf a lot. Best of luck - hugs

 

[Fran]

<span style='font-size: 11pt'>For my .02 the wedding is the priority. easy child should kindly be a support and a help to the bride. She should tell her that as her best friend, the drama of her boyfriend and her aren't the priority and easy child will do anyting she can for her best friend to make this easier and happier including withdrawing if that is what the bride wants. easy child has to put the drama in a basket C until her best friend gets married.

The b/f should be told the same thing in front of best friend and mother of bride. It should be kind, loving conversation to her best friend. Despite all the drama in easy child's life the world isn't holding it's breath since they do this often. For the next two weeks the world revolves around her best friend and making this a special day.
If easy child and boyfriend continue the up and down drama they have to realize no one takes them seriously and they are in danger of being considered one of those type relationships that are hot and cold and dysfunctional. No one listens anymore because they have been crying wolf. I'm sure the bride is thinking "they do this all the time, why can't they wait until after the wedding?" The best friend may even be thinking this is easy child's way of stealing some of the attention from the bride. So if easy child wants to do right by her best friend, easy child needs to put her emotional drama that she is addicted to (as is b/f) to the side and focus on being a best friend. </span>

 

[Sunlight]

I was thinking that your daughter's picture will be in the wedding photos for eternity. lol

 

[everywoman]

I went by and returned some vases today to boyfriend's mom and talked to her and sister. They never said they didn't want easy child in wedding. They know that she has done everything possible to help boyfriend. and they wonder why she tried for so long. Mom and dad kicked him out two months ago when he relasped. Mom says easy child deserves so much better!

She will be in the wedding. They will not make her walk with him or stand beside him for pictures----if he balks because she is in, he will be told that it is his choice.

He relasped last Saturday---which is what started all of this. They know it and don't blame easy child. Everytime they have broken up it has been over his drug use. This time easy child says its for good. We all hope so!

He is still calling and texting all day and night. One minute he is telling her he loves her, the next he is cursing at her and calling her names. I offered to change her number, but she wants to give it a few days and see if he stops.